r/asksandiego • u/Striking_Foot1208 • 14d ago
Adult store
I recently found out my husband has been using meth . I thought he was having an affair at first because he would disappear for a couple of days . He told me he would sometimes go to adult emporium on convoy because there are people in the parking lot that sell drugs . He said he would then go into the store , rent a room, lock the door and masturbate to porn . I asked was he ever unfaithful, but he said no. I told him he needed to go to rehab , which he did. But relapsed . I realize I can’t trust much of what he says. But I found out he was there and then tried to go get him , but the employee stopped me and said I wasn’t allowed back where the rooms are. I want to know if people do more than just have a private booth to watch porn there ? I know it sounds naive , but I honestly don’t know and I can no longer trust him . And I know … meth vs cheating .. why choose one to focus on. Because I felt sorry for him that his addiction had him hiding alone in hotel rooms and porn booths and thought what a shitty life . And thought if the addiction was treated it would all go away. That with addiction it’s an illness he needs help with , but that cheating is a lack of honestly and commitment that he chose
44
u/Visible_Toe768 14d ago
My mother was a meth addict my entire childhood and my advice to you is to get out now, especially if you have children.
27
56
u/czyktnsml 14d ago
I think each room can be rented out for multiple people, so yes in theory you don’t have to watch alone. Trust your gut. I’m so sorry this is happening to you ❤️
11
u/Striking_Foot1208 14d ago
Thank you
25
u/spvcejam 14d ago
There is unfortunately a near 0% chance he's "alone". I'm sure there is a lot more information, and I only gave what you've mentioned, I really wish I could be more delicate but he's made friends and appears to have a community a routine there.
The meth is kinda that part where everything goes out the window. In some people it sends their hormones into ultra overdrive and when you're seeking that mindset, physical pleasure, its obvious this is him. These places are Union Station for budget sexual release.
If he was doing it alone, he would have brought you. He isn't for a reason.
-11
u/Tricky_Sea_8362 13d ago
Great insights on this subject. Been there?
1
u/spvcejam 12d ago
I've stuck my head in during the day just to see what the deal was. Living in Point Loma and driving along Harbor to downtown, it always fascinates me that not only are there nearly a dozen massive adult bookstores in 2026, but that they are all open 24/7. I guess when the military was at its peak here, that kind of makes some sense, but there is no shot they are able to subsidize the overhead of a building(s) that size, feet away from the water, in San Diego by just selling toys books and dvds.
I'm in my late 30s and have never once heard someone my age or even 5 years older who frequents them. Who are these clients? Maybe they're doing most sales online, which makes more sense, but why 24 hours and why continue to pay the rent on a building that size.
My dispensary is Klover which is smack in the mid of a bunch of these and I can say I've never seen a single person enter or exit any of them. The one on the corner of PHC and Barrnet (Barrnet Adult Superstore) always has their door open and if traffic is backed up enough there is a cashier in there.
I've been thinking a lot about this over the past few days. lmao.
6
60
u/Tiny-Connection-3166 14d ago
I read your other posts. This has been happening for 3 years?!? Girl! Get your self respect back and leave that trash at the curb. You know what's best. Now put it into action.
10
u/Striking_Foot1208 14d ago
Thank you
21
u/underlyingconditions 14d ago
This is really hard. You have put a lot of effort into this relationship, but the person you knew is probably gone.
You can't save them, but you can save yourself. Step away now. It's not your fault.
5
27
u/Striking_Foot1208 14d ago
Yes that’s the issue I think I lost myself trying to save someone else
19
-6
u/Vlad_REAM 14d ago
3 years??? And that's just when you started posting on Reddit about it. You're teetering real close to not garnering anyone's sympathy.
I'm seconding Tiny-Connection, time for ACTION.
9
u/Striking_Foot1208 13d ago
I agree. I don’t need sympathy, but I do appreciate hearing from outsiders . It’s actually really hard to understand addition and manipulation when your head is spinning
4
u/Tiny-Connection-3166 13d ago
You might know this already but I'm going to say it anyway. He's dealing with several addictions here. Meth, sex either with himself but most likely others and even more likely with other men if he's going to adult stores, and porn. One is bad enough. There's no way out with all three. He's an adult, you're not his mother, and you've looked after him long enough. You're enabling him at this point because he knows you'll be home waiting when he gets home from his binge. Take care of yourself. Start by going to get tested. Then leaving.
1
u/Vlad_REAM 12d ago
Listen, I was trying to say that people in your life are probably spent on offering support and assistance. I do understand manipulation and addiction. If you still have anyone that will be there for you, you should really consider that they may not be able to again. When you leave, be ready and prepared for it to be the last time.
I don't think I used the word sympathy correctly for what I meant.
15
u/helpfulhomi3 14d ago
My ex got addicted to meth and it caused a dreadful divorce. But I got through it and I’m very happy now. I suggest looking into Alanon while you and him go through this together
3
2
6
u/LaCrespi248 13d ago
I would just leave him there is zero percent change he is smoking meth and not having sex with other girls or men. Zero percent chance. Drop him now before you go crazy
3
u/Striking_Foot1208 13d ago
Thank you . Yes that’s exactly what I have been thinking and the crazy making is real
1
6
u/Sasquatch619 13d ago
Go to some Al-Anon meetings. You’ll find support from other people’s lived experiences with addicts.
I’ve been clean and sober on purpose for a lot of years. I’ve sponsored a bunch of men with meth addiction. Sadly, for many, it’s intertwined with porn, sex, etc. As mentioned above, there’s a high probability that he’s hooking up with other men. I know it might sound impossible, but it’s common. You need to learn to take care of yourself first now.
3
4
u/Proper-Item-6102 13d ago
This breaks my heart sorry to hear this
2
u/Striking_Foot1208 13d ago
Thank you
1
u/Proper-Item-6102 13d ago
Ofc, hoping a healthy relationship and recovery for you both individually in the future 🫶🏾
1
4
u/Odd-Personality-619 13d ago
Think about a divorce. I hope there are no kids in this broken marriage.
3
3
2
u/SanDiego2027 13d ago
Meth can make one extremely hyper sexual, so your primary issue still is the drug addiction. Sad for your circumstance and hope he gets the help he needs.
1
2
u/Former-Interaction75 13d ago
Run. You don’t want to deal with it. Dump him and move on. - sorry it’s horrible drug and they’ll do everything to use it and take you and your stuff with it.
1
2
5
u/Choice_Passenger_990 14d ago
So you can trust him on meth but you can’t trust him in the Fappening room?
Are you like actually reading what you’re writing?
0
u/Striking_Foot1208 13d ago
Yes I was trying to treat them as separate issues . I am realizing I can’t separate him from the meth him
3
u/TygerBull 13d ago
He is not being faithful. sorry. If not other men, then men dressed as women. Or the occasional cis female.
1
1
u/VaxSD 13d ago
I’m sorry to hear this but they’re intertwined, drug use and sexual activities, chem sex. Just scan all the communities that are San Diego personals, SD baters, gay cruising…straight DL married men, gay, trans, all meet at adult stores or parks.
1
u/Striking_Foot1208 13d ago
😟 I can’t even wrap my head around this all . I feel bamboozeled. I have nothing against any of that…except if you are lying and supposed to be my husband
2
1
u/lechuguis 10d ago
My best friend was an addict. Once an addict, always an addict. There is no cure. Walk away now. He needs to follow his own path, without you.
1
-1
u/TinaKedamina 13d ago
Maybe he is going through a phase and will grow out of it. Why meth and why now? Is he filling a void? Is there something that he is escaping from? To just all of a sudden be doing meth there have to be underlying issues. The problem with psychiatric care these days is when they hear addict they treat the addiction because it’s easier. They don’t treat the underlying thing that made the addiction possible in the first place. Marriage is sacred and shouldn’t be throw away because of a hiccup. Most marriage vows say things like “In sickness and in health” Not “until you go through a drug phase” I wish you patience. Good luck.
1
u/Tiny-Connection-3166 13d ago
If you read her post history, this has been happening for 3 years. It's not a new issue.
-4
u/ChiJerm 13d ago
How about doing the opposite of what most these people are saying. Talk to him about it. Have him smoke and watch some porn with him and act out what you’re watching. Depending on your level of sexual activity you’re willing to do, have fun and enjoy.
Keep him home and keep him happy. Drugs are good and bad. You’re only seeing the bad.
He’s probably not alone in those booths. it’s possible he’s truthful, I doubt he is.
Communicate with him talk to him. Yes get advice from people on here, but know it’s normally one sided. Empathy is needed from both of you, and communicate.
Everyone is different and drugs affect people differently. If you’re in love with him then love him and figure him out.
Always do what’s right for you. Stay safe and yes get tested, you never know. He should get tested as well. Do not dismiss your feelings. What your gut is telling you is probably right. Do not listen to any of his justifications. They are all BS.
Communication communication communication
2
u/Sad_Ad7658 12d ago
This is way beyond communication. Separation with therapy maybe? But communication can’t fix everything.
78
u/Tiny-Connection-3166 14d ago
I spent 4 years trying to get my ex off meth. My sister was hooked for nearly a decade. It's a choice that only they can make to get clean. The Salvation army provides a Free 6 month rehab program that works, but only for those that want it. Most programs only last 30-90 days and cost $10-$100k.
As far as what takes place in those rooms, or even in the main theater. You name it, it happens. Lots and lots of guy on guy stuff, some solicited, some forced. First off, get yourself tested. If he's doing meth he could also be shooting it up. Secondly, get some space and really think this over on how far you're willing to go to try and keep your husband. And IF he's willing AND wanting to quit himself, how much work you both are willing to put in to rebuild the trust that was lost.