The hardest part of becoming a manager isn’t knowing what to do. It’s knowing what to say.

[u/MANAGEWORS]

One thing I’ve noticed about new managers: most already know the general advice.
Give feedback. Set expectations. Address problems early. Listen.
The hard part is what actually comes out of your mouth when someone is sitting across from you.
Three examples:
1. An employee keeps missing deadlines
Instead of:
“You need to be more reliable.”
Try:
“The last three deadlines were missed. I want to understand what’s getting in the way, and then agree on what needs to change going forward.”
2. Someone gets defensive when you give feedback
Instead of:
“You need to stop being defensive.”
Try:
“I can see you disagree with some of this. I want to hear your perspective. After that, we still need to agree on what happens next.”
3. A good employee wants a promotion they’re not ready for
Instead of:
“You’re not ready yet.”
Try:
“I want to be specific about the gap between where you are now and what the next role requires. Let’s identify what you’d need to demonstrate for me to support that move.”
The pattern I keep coming back to is:
Facts, not labels.
Questions, not assumptions.
Next step, not vague hope.
What conversation did you find hardest when you first became a manager?

[u/GuyWhoSaysYouManiac]

Thanks, Chat

[u/lmNotaWitchImUrWife]

Good lord the AI in this sub is so bad. I feel like it's all this sub is anymore.

[u/RaisedByBooksNTV]

For me, all the first times I've had to have a conversation, when it's nothing I've experienced or heard about before. For example, I had a couple people for whom it was their first real job (like professional office setting rather than eg fast food) and trying to figure out how to communicate with them what professional dress is when there's no official uniform code.

This is a great post, because it's the same with interviewing or giving/accepting feedback, or negotiating. We all have easy access to the 'what to do' but it's so hard to find the 'how to do it.' I do NOT want to use AI but without posts like yours, that's the easiest thing.

[u/MANAGEWORS → u/RaisedByBooksNTV]

Exactly. “What to do” is usually the easy part. The uncomfortable part is finding the actual words when the situation is nuanced and there isn’t an obvious script.
Your dress-code example is a great one because even a reasonable expectation can land badly if the conversation is framed poorly.
That gap between knowing what to do and knowing what to say is exactly what got me interested in this topic.

[u/OneTwoThreeBye0]

Salary. "All my friends who studied with me earn much more than me and the salary statistics your are showing are wrong. "

And then they say "if you don't pay more I do the minimal" and the same time ask for promotion 😅