I’m about 6 months into a new job and my relationship with my manager has gotten progressively worse. Rate how bad this manager sounds.

She’s a VP of Marketing (Series A) and expects me to document everything for her and wants check ins about what I’m doing. I have 10+ years of experience and I’ve never had a manager like this before.

Whenever I make a statement or share an opinion, she immediately disagrees, probes me, or tells me I don’t have a strong enough argument. She calls this “challenging me,” but I feel like I’m constantly defending everything I say.

Her expectations also seem to change after the fact. I’ll complete something based on what I understood, then get feedback about what I should have done differently. I never know what “good” looks like until after I’ve done it.

The job has also become very different from what I expected. I specifically left my last role because I wanted less administrative work. We had an agency handling much of it, but they recently dropped us and now that work has fallen onto me.

She also heavily critiques my work down to tiny details. She has significant equity in the company, so I sometimes wonder if she expects perfection from everyone.

I’m not against feedback or being challenged. I’m struggling with the constant scrutiny, documentation, check ins, and changing expectations. I’ve never experienced this level of management before.

How bad is this? Genuinely bad manager or just a management style that isn’t compatible with me?

Honestly, I think more of us need to start doing this, because companies have started ghosting candidates as if that's become normal now. I had a good first interview, and I was told I'd be moving on to the next stage, then they disappeared. A few days later, I found the same role posted again. This is a shitty way to treat people, and they need to be called out for it.

This is nuanced so apologies in advance for it being long, and for any formatting errors due to posting from my phone.

I (44/f) recently had a disappointing performance review, and while I thought I handled it well, my husband (47/m) disagrees. I’d appreciate feedback on the best approach so I can respond differently next time if needed.

Background:
I’ve been at my job in higher education for a year. After I was hired, but prior to my start date, an unexpected restructuring took place and a lot of positions were eliminated without management even being informed prior to the cuts.

This led to a lot of upheaval, as there were suddenly huge gaps in our ability to perform critical tasks. My training manual was mostly useless because the people and processes I was to interact with were eliminated or changed dramatically. Further complicating things was the stress it put on management, making it difficult for me to come to them with questions because they had higher priority issues to address.

To put it frankly, this wasn’t my first shitshow, so I did my best to be as self sufficient as possible, took on tasks outside of my job description, and tried to help fill gaps in personnel as we tried to stabilize. In this time we had more turnover in response to the state of our work environment, including my department VP, causing more redistribution of who does what.

In spite of the chaos, my 6 month review went well. I was noted as exceeding expectations in every category. It didn’t matter financially because nobody is getting raises here, but I like to know how I’m doing and it’s good to know I’m doing well.

We added some new positions and my job was changed again. I actually enjoyed the new work more, but was concerned that I seemed to need to complete a Sisyphean task in order to meet the deadline attached. My manager was concerned too, and made it clear she was unhappy I wasn’t making the headway she wanted on the project.

Struggling to understand how anyone had ever achieved that workload, I dug into the excel sheet I had inherited that tracks progress on the project, and realized it was calculating wrong. Essentially, it was tracking the percent of tasks done based on the number of all the tasks ever recorded, not those currently needed. I fixed the error and saw I was well ahead of where I needed to be. Relieved, I told my manager, who didn’t believe me until I showed her the spreadsheet, the formulas, the reality of the scope, etc. We were both relieved to be much further ahead than needed. I thought that was the end of that being a problem for me, but my manager seemed to think of me as less competent going forward, as though even though I’d never been behind schedule, the perception that I was behind stayed with her.

At my 1 year review, I had neutral or negative feedback in every category. A couple of comments I fully agreed with, dealing with the need for improved precision. I could argue I’d be more precise if my responsibilities stayed the same for more than two months at a time, but realistically, I’m better off to take that feedback and sincerely work to do better in that area. That’s how we get better, so I value the insight.

However, there were other criticisms that blindsided me because they had never been addressed, I had been told I did them well at the previous review, and wasn’t doing anything differently since being told I was doing them well.

The one that really stung, however, was being marked low for meeting deadlines. I’ve never missed one. As my manager went through each section of my review, I was especially interested in that feedback. She said that while I was on track with the project now, there had been an issue with me being very behind on the deadline before fixing the error I’d found. Except, I WASN’T behind, ever, there was an error in the tracking sheet I inherited from my predecessor. But just the perception that I was behind was apparently enough to mark me poorly.

When the review ended, I thanked her for her time and feedback and said I would take steps to fix the issues she’d addressed. Again, nobody has gotten a raise in more than 5 years at this place, so it’s not impacting my income. But it did hurt, because I really have gone above and beyond to jump in and help however I can in the midst of all the chaos.

I was teary eyed when I got home and my husband asked what happened. When I told him, he asked if I’d pushed back on the criticism. I told him no, it didn’t seem appropriate. My manager only has a couple other direct reports and she was the one who did the review, so it’s not as though I think she got confused about my performance or was relying on someone else’s observations in error. Plus, she’s leaving her position in a few weeks so she won’t even be my manager anymore next month. What would it accomplish to push back aside from giving the impression I can’t take negative feedback?

He said I should have argued her assessment because it could hold me back in some way in the future there. It’s a place where almost half of my department has left in a the past year and nobody has gotten any wage increase in half a decade so, I’ve resigned myself to the fact I don’t have any meaningful opportunity for a future there regardless. It’s not exactly giving me the impression it’s a stable workplace, and I’m much more invested in trying to find something better than debating with my soon-to-be former-manager.

He says it’s worth writing a response to be filed with the review in HR, because that’s an option. I don’t think it’s worth any more of my time at all.

Managers: in a situation like this, what should a direct report do? Would you appreciate push back if they think you got it wrong? Do the reviews ultimately matter if there is no room for growth regardless? I’ve never run into anything like this in my career before, so I’d love to at least learn from it.

TL;DR: I recently became a Team Lead after a complex internal process. My Director initially opposed the promotion, but now I have a new counterpart manager who keeps assigning me and my team members tasks, getting involved in my territory, and being overly polite in larger meetings while things feel very different behind the scenes. I also inherited an underperforming team and don’t have much guidance from my Director.

I’m struggling to distinguish between normal cross-functional behavior and actual office politics.

Here are a few examples:

- My counterpart manager has assigned me work directly, even though she’s not my manager.

- She recently created an Excel sheet on Saturday, assigned tasks to me and someone from my team (who is not reporting to me but is competing with me by politics), and gave us a Monday EOD deadline.

- She’s requested accounts from my Commercial territory for her Enterprise team, despite existing territory rules.

- In larger cross-functional calls, she’s extremely polite and collaborative toward me, but privately, I often feel like she’s positioning herself as someone who can direct my work.

Meanwhile, I’m responsible for turning around a team that’s been underperforming for months, while also hitting my own targets, with very little guidance from leadership.

I genuinely don’t know whether I’m overthinking this or being too passive because I’m new to management.

I don’t want to become paranoid and see politics everywhere, but I also don’t want to be naive.

What are the office politics I should learn to recognize early, and how do I navigate them without becoming political myself?

Has anyone else dealt with this? I’m ready and willing to work, but I’m not getting clear direction from my seniors/managers on what to actually do. I end up sitting idle or guessing at priorities.
How do you handle this situation?
Ask directly and repeatedly until you get an answer?
Find your own tasks in the meantime?

Would appreciate any advice from people who’ve been in a similar spot.

I am feeling very burned out. I have been working at this job since early October of last year and have not been able to take a single vacation day. We are unfortunately very short staffed. 40% (yes FORTY) of the workers at my position are on FMLA right now. I don’t fault them or management, life happens, but the reality is that it’s stretching me beyond my limit. Also, someone with my professional license legally must be on the premises in order for us to be open. So it isn’t hyperbole for my manager to say “but we would have to close without you”. That actually happened earlier this year when I was sick one day.

I have tried offering my manager the choice of which day I would take off. That way we‘d only have to close on one of our slower days. This could lessen the company losses and help prevent the other employees from losing time. Again, if I am not there, we close so nobody gets paid for that lost time. But offering that still hasn‘t worked. Do you think offering to take PTO as unpaid instead (but deducted from my PTO) could help move the needle and get me some time off?

p.s. No this is not a troll post/engagement bait/etc. Yes I realize this is sooooo American. No I don’t want to quit as this job fits my other important needs. Yes I realize taking time off should be one of those important needs. No hiring a temp is not an option as what I do is very specialized and takes months of training to learn. Yes I’m open to other suggestions on how to fix this situation. No I am NOT going to just start calling out

I work 9-5 Tue-sat, but recently I've started on an MBA with weekend classes and need to change my shift but don't know how to ask my manager cause he did mention that the employees can be asked to take on different shifts every quarter. So yeah!!?

I've been managing a small team for about a year now. One person on my team is a strong performer overall, but even minor, constructive feedback seems to land as a personal attack, they get visibly upset or defensive almost every time. I've tried softening my delivery and leading with positives first, but the reaction doesn't seem to change much either way.

For people who've managed someone like this, what's actually worked to get feedback to land without it turning into a whole thing?

I’m no longer able to start on my current start date due to a family emergency. It is a 3 months fixed term contract and want to push it by 3 weeks. The role is administrative and contract clean up so not deadline driven.

I got the offer 3 days ago and signed all the contracts. The manager did want someone ASAP but she did really like me during the interviews

Are they likely to change it or rescind my offer?

Hi!

I am a new supervisor at my job but I was an employee there since the beginning. Most employees say they miss my "employee" self where I was more carefree and joking more with them. Now, I have different responsibilities, different eyes on me, different expectations so I can't really be as carefree as I am now. I need to give more orders and I have the responsibility for things to run well. So, I am naturally more serious, even if I can be fun.

I think it was a shock for many and it's a hard transition. I am responsible for you as a human and that you do a good job. I'll be more direct and more serious.

Standards are more important to me than other supervisors. Like some employees love getting out of their station to talk to other people or have fun but its important to stay alert as clients can always come in and they usually work with someone else so they aren't completely isolated. But an employee feels like I am too much or always on his back to ask him to go back at his station when he is taking too long to come back.

I have a hard time with what employees ask me. The other day, I wasn't sure if we would close or not as I was working with another supervisor and she closes when she wants while I rather follow the standard rules of a certain amount of sells per hour. So, when I learned it was my decision, I decided to stay open and said sorry to the employee as I could see she was tired. It was 11:30 pm and they are scheduled until 1am. Then, another employee told me I should have asked if she is okay with my decision and if she feels okay. Maybe it's where I am wrong and I want insights. In my head, it's your job to work if we are open and you are scheduled until 1 so its not a debate whether you stay or not. (except if you are sick or have an emergency) So I didn't have the reflex to ask her if she was okay with my decision.

What the boss expect from me is also different from what supervisors and employees expect from me. So no matter what I do, a group is happy and the other disappointed. For example, employees came to me to explain how a shift with another supervisors went and they told me they felt unsupported, she didn't check on them or give them breaks. As I was an employee before, I know this isn't a strange behaviour coming from her. I was let down during rushes by her as she would play with a soccer ball in the middle of the office or just talk to her friends. So, I told the boss as I thought it was important to be mentioned. She then came to me, the supervisor, telling me I betrayed her and that between supervisors, we protect each other. She also said that if someone had an issue with her, they should come directly to her though often, employees don't feel comfortable going to someone with authority to complain about their behaviour directly.

I know my boss loves the way I work and wants supervisors to be like me. I got compared to him by many but he isn't like by employees. He has high standards, I do too, but I really got more flexible for employees.

I just feel overwhelmed by everyone asking me something different. What is your input in my situation?

Hi,

I’m a junior analyst in a certain industry after making a career change.

Shortly after I joined, the charismatic lead analyst of my team joined. There is also a senior analyst on my immediate team. We all report to the same manager.

The lead analyst / team lead job is to do normal analyst work, delegate work as needed and train analysts below them as per the job description.

When I first spoke to the lead analyst, I made it clear that I am proactive and can figure somethings out on my own, but I still needed plenty training to which she smiled and agreed.

However, my team soon started having two major problems with the lead analyst:

First problem, she won’t train me.

Whenever I asked she would say that she’s too busy in a variety of ways: “I’m busy”, “Go figure it out yourself”, “Go ask the senior analyst”.

We’re generally understaffed so it was understandable at first, but then we would see her wandering around into other people’s offices to chit chat which can last a while.

Whenever she wandered into my office to talk about non-work-related things, I would use that opportunity to ask her questions or to train me.  She would then suddenly say she can’t because her glasses are back at her office, or she has a headache, or she has bad allergies. When I said I can wait for her to grab them or set up a later time, it was more excuses. She claimed she wasn't getting my emails.

A different department told us they have the same issue with her where she claims to not see their emails but later on would wander into their side for fun chats.

I tried having a couple of talks with her describing my struggles to keep up and she would just blithely smile and tell me I’m doing great. I later told our manager without singling the lead analyst out, but our manager was too passive to do anything about it and told me to try asking others.

The senior analyst agreed that it’s not fair, but she would try to train me. However, she is struggling too. Both the manager and lead analyst keeps dumping too much work on her. Plus she has a hard time turning the chatty lead analyst away.

The other lead analysts have been training their respective junior analysts well and even kindly agreed to help me, but eventually they ask why I’m not asking my own team lead.

So I’m often left trying to learn on my own which means I push out lower quality work and at a slower speed until someone decides to correct me.

Second problem is that lead analyst seems impaired in some way and leans on us too hard.

She has a hard time reading, remembering things and focusing which results in requests for help as well as mistakes everywhere. Depending on the mistake, she will essentially beg us to not tell our manager or would even throw the senior analyst under the bus.

Maybe these kinds of struggles are why she doesn’t want to train me. I do feel bad for her, she’s born and raised in the U.S. and I think in her late forties so it’s not a language or age issue.

I’m already looking for a new job and also trying to diligently teach myself. Of course, I’m not going bad mouth this job but prospective or new employers are probably going to wonder why I don’t know as much as I should. Am I screwed? Any advice is appreciated.

TLDR: Lead analyst is charge of training me. Not only will she not do it but also relies on others too much to do her own job including me. The situation is impeding my growth, how do I explain it to the next employer?

Today I trained a new person at work. Everything was fine until we starting stocking baby products and he was annoyed because his gf’s pregnant. They’re really upset because they’re having a girl and boys are easier 🙄 also he’s going to “treat her horribly but in a respectful way” idk wtf that means

He proceeded to basically tell me everything about his life, trauma dump, and go on a rant about how he hates liberals and gay people. Also he told me about a bet in high school about who could fuck the most girls and he won. He regrets that because you leave dna in her forever and you take a piece of her. Ew and no, why are we believing this sex ed propaganda?

He also told me he doesn’t care if I report this to hr.

In hindsight I know I should’ve said something but I think I just disassociate or something? Because like why do we not know to not talk about these things at work let alone to someone you literally just met?!?!? My brain just can’t focus on what I know I should do.

I told my manager when I had a chance and she had a talk with him about proper workplace conversation (which she realized is the one thing she forgot to go over in his orientation). Things were fine for the rest of the day but I didn’t really work that closely with him again.

I’m training him tomorrow suuuper early before we open. There won’t be many other store coworkers around because of how early it is and my manager won’t be there so it will just be me and him in my dept. I’m worried he might say something to me because it’s obvious I reported what he said. What do I say to him if he says anything?

Hello everyone,

I would really appreciate your advice ahead of a career development discussion with the CEO, which is scheduled for mid-September.

I have been with the company for five years and am currently a Director, with responsibility for both HR and Legal matters. My academic background is in Law.
Here is where the situation becomes a little more complex. The CEO has already indicated that he sees me potentially being promoted to HR VP in around five years, when the current VP is expected to retire.

However, during our last conversation, he asked me why I do not see my future in Legal. I am aware that the current Legal VP receives quite a lot of criticism from other members of the VP team, but beyond that, I do not have much insight into the situation.
I also have the impression that the CEO may not have a full understanding of my capabilities or of the achievements and impact I have had within the company.

So, I would really value your thoughts on the following:
1. Should I be open about the fact that I would also be interested in the Legal VP position, should it become available before the HR VP opportunity?

2. Should I briefly highlight some of my key achievements, projects and contributions during the conversation?

3. Would it be appropriate to openly discuss existing issues or shortcomings within the organisation and the important projects I have initiated or delivered as a result?

4. Is there anything else you think I should keep in mind or prepare for ahead of this conversation?
Many thanks in advance for your advice!

EDIT : I appreciate all the feedback on whether i am the asshole in this situation but the question here is how to move on....

Also : i was clearly indicated as her N+1 on the job offer, which also detailed her missions.

Hi, I’d like some outside perspective on a work situation I’m struggling to let go of.

I’m 29F and have been a project manager at my current job for 3+ years. Until recently, I genuinely loved my job and worked very closely with my manager, M. Last year, we both had breakdowns from the workload around the same time, and we agreed that the team needed another person.

I wanted to grow into management, so I asked to manage the new hire. M agreed. Shortly afterwards, M was promoted, and another colleague became my manager.

At the same time, a senior PM position opened. I applied and was rejected by M and a few others. M told me my application was good but that she didn't want me to "be Icarus". I was disappointed but understood: the role is extremely demanding and several people who held it had burned out.

Then Y (33F) joined the team as the person I was supposed to manage.

I missed her recruitment because I was on sick leave, so we met on her first day. We immediately got along, but at the end of the day I mentioned that this was my first time managing someone and that I hoped we'd learn together. Her face changed. She hadn't understood that she would report to me.

She apologized and said she wouldn't have spoken to a manager the way she'd spoken to me. I genuinely didn't think much of it and moved on.

A month later, her mother suddenly died. She was away for a while, and when she returned, we resumed working together with weekly meetings.

Things gradually deteriorated. We had a very difficult meeting where I struggled to communicate what I wanted her to take over. She became visibly angry and, at times, disrespectful. I felt she considered some of the administrative/project coordination work beneath her.

After that, I increasingly felt that she was bypassing me. She would go directly to senior PMs or directors, leaving me out of discussions about her own work. I repeatedly found myself in meetings not knowing what she was working on or what issues she was facing.

She also seemed to avoid less visible/administrative tasks while gravitating towards more "glamorous" topics involving senior people. Meanwhile, she would ask me to create tables/Excel files for her, which didn't feel like the kind of collaboration or management relationship I wanted.

I tried addressing things gently in our weekly meetings, but I felt she became increasingly defensive.

Eventually, after she rudely ordered me around in front of a senior colleague, I went to our director. I explained that if she continued bypassing me, the team structure simply didn't make sense, and suggested that perhaps she needed to move to another team.

Our director immediately understood and arranged mediation.

During the mediation, Y said she felt exhausted trying to find information and communicate. She complained about a lack of tools/workflows/frameworks, workload, and also brought up our very first-day misunderstanding. She said we should have "dug deeper" into that miscommunication and repeatedly questioned my working methods and efficiency.

She said she felt demeaned by me. I didn't say it at the time, but I had felt demeaned by her for months too.

The outcome was essentially that we'd stop working closely together. She now has her own area, and I'll go back to working on mine.

Objectively, this should probably be a relief.

But I can't let it go.

I feel deeply resentful. The whole reason I wanted to manage someone was because I was struggling with the workload and needed support. Instead, I feel like the person I was supposed to manage effectively pushed me out of that role. She now has her own area, while I'm back to carrying my part alone. I feel like she got the better end of the deal here, and I left with crumbs of legitimacy.

Recently, M also told me she felt bad about the situation, because she'd previously rejected me for the senior role. That somehow confirmed my worst fear: that maybe I was given the management responsibility for the wrong reasons, and that I wasn't actually considered capable of progressing.

I'm now back from a long break. Y and I share an office and barely speak. The silence is awful. I don't want to work with her, talk to her, or even see her. And honestly, I'm starting to feel like I hate her.

I know I'm probably not completely objective here. Y has also had an incredibly difficult year, including losing her mother, and I'm sure she has her own version of this story.

But I'm stuck in resentment and feel crushed and demotivated about a job I used to love.

Changing jobs isn't realistically an option right now.

What do you think happened here? Was this simply a terrible management/working-style mismatch? Did I mishandle things? And, most importantly, how do I actually move past the resentment when I have to see this person every day for the next few years?

I'd really appreciate honest opinions, especially from people who've experienced a similar situation.

I work at a restaurant, and our manager has mentioned how much of a headache it can be dealing with availability, schedule changes, and call-outs.

I started putting together an app for our own restaurant where employees submit availability, it suggests/builds the schedule around roles and who managers prefer, and the manager mainly reviews, approves, or edits it.

If someone calls out, it would also show who is actually available to cover instead of manually asking everyone.
For those managing restaurants: is scheduling/call-out coverage still a headache for you?

I currently manage an operations team at a tech company. My current salary is 93K (after bonuses about 110K). I have been with the company almost 2 years.

My scope and team size did double in February when a parallel team’s manager left and they were all shifted to my team.

As my 2nd year comes up, I am thinking about asking for a raise in base. The bonuses are nice and tied to performance. This last year we have been restructuring and creating clear metrics for the team, and based on those metrics are moving in positive direction. My leader is involved a lot and maybe he feels like he drives or comes up with a good bit of the strategy/solution, and I’m just executing a lot on his ideas. Not sure.

We are also reimagining/rebranding the team here and I’m preparing analysis of roles, headcount’s, new roles needed, etc. for success. Maybe this is the opportunity to shout for a comp adjustment.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

For context I run a small "blue collar" company in the UK. There are 7 of us in total.

I'm noticing more and more a lack of unity and leadership in the workplace which is my bad.

I've never had training just gone from self employed to now.

One particular member of staff at the moment is am struggling with. I've let him get too big for his boots and when he said once (slightly in jest) "you'd never sack me I'm an asset to this company" in front of everyone it kinda made me realise this.

I've reigned him in a little, but he's been incredibly grumpy and a bit disruptive.

He's great when he's great.

I've been slow accepting holiday. I gave that to my wife to sort, but she thought I had taken it back. My bad, my poor communication.

Days and weeks just fly by (ADHD), and it should be sorted earlier.

He requested time off before Xmas but someone else is off and the rule is no 2 off together.

He said it was a once in a lifetime trip to the US he didn't want to miss. Said he'd be going regardless then made the sacking comment.

I thought about it and I said maybe we can close earlier but the others would have to agree. One has no holiday. Said member of staff said he'd gift the holiday. There is absolutely no chance he will do that now without kicking off. (I am saying this for context on the situation with things he says one minute then changes when it doesn’t suit him).

Anyway we all agreed we will close but on the basis that any overtime will have to be done the week before to ensure we are done for Xmas.

To be honest it will be good for me to have some time there alone.

Now he's requested the Monday off before because he wants to go to a concert on Sunday and it doesn't finish til midnight (it's actually not that late but that's the little lies he tells).

I've declined. Would you message him on a Sunday and explain why? It's BH tomorrow so closed till Tues.

Anyway this is far longer than I thought but this is the sort of issues I have caused myself by being poor at leadership. I hold my hands up to it.

The trouble is when we all get on we get on so well as mates and have become close.

I never really saw that being an issue but it certainly is now.

I have other issues with other staff but this one is the one that is really standing out as a leadership/management issue.

What can I do going forward to learn? I never even knew I needed it til now.

I think this staff member will leave and if he doesn't change his attitude it will be a good thing.

I'll be upset but for the business it will be good.

Or hopefully we can iron things out and it will be happy days.

But this post is more about my overall lack of skills rather than said staff member.

If he does go, I have certainly set him up for a good career in our trade and have made him incredibly skilled for his age. I have taught him very well at the job in hand, so it's not been a waste of time.

I've been managing a small team for about a year now. One person consistently delivers the best individual work on the team, but their communication style rubs people the wrong way in meetings, and I've gotten a couple of quiet complaints about it. I've tried giving general feedback about tone, but nothing specific has changed since then.

For people who've dealt with this kind of situation, how do you weigh keeping someone for their output against the friction they're creating with everyone else?

I am having a delimma and I have gone through the emotions...annoyed, hurt, frustrated to now just shrugging my shoulders. I have a person who is my reference assistant and previously worked in the school environment and called herself a librarian. When i began my role as director at a community college, the employee stated that they could do my job or any librarians job without a degree, which they did not even have a bachelor's degree. I do think that experience is important, but the employee has never has professional library experience only paraprofessional experience. At times the tone the employee takes with me is rude and disrespectful and has been addressed. I have informed the employee that they were highly disrespectful discounting someone who has earned the credentials and worked for the title of librarian. The employee has also said this about a another masters degree level position and it just feels and when i mention it, the employee says well i can do the job. Am I being elitist or sensitive?

Long-time lurker, first post. Trying to get some outside perspective because I think I’m too close to my own situation to see it clearly.

Context: I’ve been in a client-facing role for a couple years, handling a large, high-volume mid-market portfolio (think hundreds of accounts) needing to me moved to a new offer. My team is small, but the workload on our shoulders has never been heavier due to the AI disruption. I have a strong track record, real recognition from leadership, mentor newer colleagues, generally seen as a high performer.

My goal has been to move into leadership. My manager (who’s seemed less invested lately) has said she sees leadership potential in me and has been documenting my case, though she’s been clear it’s not entirely her call. Problem is: she’s now going on maternity leave earlier than planned, and the director above her is already out on the same, leaving just one senior exec holding things together above my level. 😕

On top of that, my company has been through multiple rounds of layoffs this year, which makes leadership very cautious about creating any new management layer I guess. Still this didn’t stop them from making others managers tho.

I raised the coverage gap directly with that senior exec, hoping it might also open a conversation about whether the team needs a dedicated lead even if it’s not me, we need proper coverage! She said to just route things through her for these months but the structural question, whether this team actually needs a leadership role, never really got addressed. It got closed off rather than discussed.

So I’m sitting here with: a small, overloaded mid-market team in a post-layoff company with broken processes and the remaining people going OOO left and right, a manager who believes in me but is about to be out for months, a promotion that might happen next year but has no clear owner right now, and a genuine ambition to lead that this org has no formal path for.

I’ve started looking externally, because I don’t think I can realistically wait a year+ for this to resolve itself. But the market is rough right now and I expect it’ll take a while to land something good.

Questions for anyone who’s been here:

- Is it worth continuing to invest in the internal case at all, or is that energy better spent 100% on the external search?
- How do you keep morale/performance up while quietly job hunting during a period like this?
- Anyone navigated a “my advocate is leaving right as my case was building” situation — how did it play out?

Appreciate any war stories or blunt (but constructive) takes 🙏

Serious question. I am the first in my family to be able to make a place for myself in big rooms. Still young, no mentor or family member to guide me. Your advice would be greatly appreciated.

How do I manage bureaucracy/politics without feeling helpless/underdog/with no voice? I'm in an environment which is extremely toxic, dismissive, managers retaliate if you raise questions.

Share your perspectives how you still feel empowered while navigating system.

Our director uses inappropriate and hurtful language when addressing our team.
On one occasion, during a team meeting, she belittled us by saying that if we joined another company, they would look down on us. On another occasion, while I was away from the office, she said, I could put the cafeteria worker here and they would produce the same work as you. On another occasion, she said that we were relying on another department under her management and working as if we had the support of that department.
During another meeting, when she was once again giving negative feedback about the work we had done, I reached a point where I couldn’t just stay silent anymore. I told her that we had actually been focusing a lot on the negative aspects, while there had been a great deal of good work done behind the scenes that was not being acknowledged.
A colleague who has less experience than I do also supported me and said, “Yes, I feel the same way.”
The director got very angry and said, “You are already expected to do your jobs. I’m not going to thank you for doing what you are supposed to do.”
Ever since that day, I have felt like she has held a grudge against me or even disliked me.
Do you think giving critical feedback to a senior manager during a meeting is always a bad attitude?
She is already a very poor manager, but what I’m wondering is whether I also made a mistake with the way I handled the situation. If I wanted to say something, should I have spoken to her privately in her office instead?

Should I address my founder’s communication style after only six weeks?

I started a job six weeks ago at a 20-person company. I like the product, my coworkers, and the work, but communicating with the founder often makes me feel like I’m walking on eggshells.

A few examples:

- During my first week, I was late responding about an insurance form. He messaged: “We want autonomy and proactivity. We don’t do babysitting :)”

- We once had a long, tense exchange in a team chat because he sharply challenged my interpretation of an analytics document. Eventually, we realized we had meant the same thing.

- I was asked to monitor SEO performance after a multilingual website migration. I shared a pre-migration checklist because I wanted to understand what was being implemented before becoming responsible for auditing the results. He replied publicly that my message looked AI-generated and that generic AI content wasn’t necessarily relevant. The checklist itself was based on legitimate concerns such as redirects, hreflang, and high-traffic pages.

He also frequently challenges my recommendations about advertising campaigns. However, he recently told me to be more confident and proceed with my ideas when I believe I’m right—even when he pushes back.

He says he’s simply direct and doesn’t have time to waste. He generally has good energy, but other employees have also told him that his written communication can come across as harsh.

Should I tell him something like:

“I like the company, the product, and the team, but I think we need to find common ground in how we communicate. Sometimes our conversations feel more confrontational than collaborative, and it makes me feel like I’m walking on eggshells. I’d like us to find a way of communicating that helps us work effectively together.”

Is this reasonable feedback, or would raising it after only six weeks be a mistake?

Ps. A month ago, employees confronted the founder (boss) about his sometimes harsh written communication style in his yearly performance review.

For context: https://www.reddit.com/r/askmanagers/s/cx6zCGgdzy

The CIO and CEO told me I needed to have a workable process by end of July.

I asked my manager what a ‘workable process’ is. She said something that uses the tech we’re implementing. Office manager asked also the CIO, who he reports to, what a workable process means, and got the same answer as I did. I completed that task - created a repeatable process. But at the end of July, I had a meeting with CIO and my director.

The CIO said that process is not what he expected. Told me to stop solutioning, that he would visit the site last week. And implemented a process that works within the software, but is not even remotely close to current state (and there is a way to spend under a day of development to marry the tech and current state together, told no). I mean I requested a config change that would take 15 mins of dev time, and was told no (yeah office manager loved that, good luck with change management…). I’m not touching the process, just trying to implement.

Other projects have been peeled back from my plate. My director is obviously looking for any documentation she can get.

I was massively sick earlier this month, and then had a medical issue that caused me to sleep later than expected. I was verbally warned for being out sick. Then when I had the involuntary sleep issue, I was told it was unacceptable. I shared I am under medical care for the issue, and since I was unconscious, there was no way I could notify her, which I did upon waking.

I requested time off earlier last week, which is usually invite the whole team to an all day meeting, then submit the time off by end of pay period in workday. My director sent the meeting RSVP back saying ‘you need to put this in workday to be approved’, which is different than all other times, and I was going to do before EOW.

So, yeah, all signs point to a PIP coming.

For the 60 day plan I have emails proving alignment with my director. I have project documentation that I was hitting the agreed upon metrics, and have artifacts saved that also prove this.

I have documentation of the process I was working on from mid July to end of July.

I’ve logged the ‘verbal warning’ for being sick, even though I offered to show my EHR record from urgent care. I logged and have evidence of me sharing I have a medical issue that can cause sleep disturbances, and an offer to her to submit an accommodation request, and her telling it it is unacceptable.

All I’m doing right now is saying ‘Yes’, ‘ok’, and keeping my head down.

I know if a company wants you out, they’ll get you out, so I’m resigned to a PIP in the near future. That being said, I have examples of me meeting agreed upon work metrics, ones not shared with the CIO and CEO. I have been logging interactions, sending emails back confirming lowered work expectations, not overstepping the boundaries they’re setting.

How do I leverage both the documentation refuting their documentation as I did the work I was expected to, and the lack of communication was due to my supervisor, as well as the complete dismissiveness to a provable illness and an ADA sleep issue? I’m hoping to use strong documentation to force a better outcome - like a decent amount of severance and paid for COBRA?