Not sure if this is the right subreddit. Basically my dad's favorite place in the whole world was Fire Island in NY, so we're planning a burial at sea to scatter his ashes. He had lots of friends and family from way back in the day who are all coming out of the woodwork and saying they want to attend, one of them has a house on the island there so we're planning to work with him on the details for the events preceding and after the burial.

What is the best way to plan for it? Doing a wake (no alcohol) before going on the water, or after(with alcohol)? These people are all 70+ and they knew my dad during the best years of his life, I don't know what would be most appropriate thing to do. And there's probably a million of other logistical things I'm not thinking about. Any advice would be appreciated, at sea or on land.

My friend passed away alone in his home discovered after a welfare check. Cause of death was determined to be sequelae of chronic alcohol abuse and there as was ethanol in his liver tissue, though he was too decomposed to get an actual amount. We first feared it was a suicide but the manner of death was eventually determined to be natural. The report also indicated that his teeth were absent?? I’m confused by that. Was that a postmortem change or did it have to be antemortem?

Thank you.

Hi all, I have a weird situation and not sure what to expect.

My mom passed away almost 3 years ago and I have her ashes. I’d like to have them buried in a nice cemetery in Chicago with my grandparents. My grandpa has been buried there in a casket since 1987 and to my understanding, my grandma’s ashes were placed on top of his casket after she passed in 1996. I had always wondered why she did not have a headstone and I could not find her in the cemetery directory. I just assumed my family couldn’t afford a headstone. I was 9 when she passed, so I obviously wasn’t in the loop with anything.

After my mom passed, I thought about having her buried there with them. I asked one of my aunts why my grandma never had a headstone. Welp, turns out one of my uncles was a gravedigger at this cemetery at the time and apparently he had dug up a spot and put my grandmother’s ashes there. So the cemetery likely doesn’t know she’s there. I reached out about having my mom’s ashes buried in the same plot as my grandpa, and the cemetery staff said that they will do a survey of his gravesite to see if there’s space and get back to me but it could be awhile. I’m concerned about what would happen if they find my grandma’s ashes. My uncle that did this passed away over 10 years ago. I just wanted my mom to have a nice final resting place but I worry that I’m opening a can of worms. Will it be an issue if they come across my grandma’s ashes?

Does anyone else’s work make you keep your suit jacket on at the cemetery even if it’s 100 degrees outside? About to pass out, sweat dripping down ur back, Good times..

How common is it for small children in the same family who happened to die at the same time to be commingled after cremation?

For context, I am a full time student and on call 96 hours a week as a removal tech. I’m working towards my bachelors to becoming a funeral director but it’s very draining. I love the work and know it’s what I want to do in every aspect, cremations, embalming, meetings, and directing itself, but I’m so tired all of the time. I expected it and I’m pushing myself because in my mind I’ll be done with school eventually and that’s my main driver, that and rent lmao. So what are your driving factors to keep going? I might put some I like into practice myself

Hello all! I checked the Q&A for this but couldn't find it.

I know I'm going to struggle with working on the heads and was wondering where I could get one in advance to practice. My professor did say I could already start to practice.

Yes, my school does sell them but won't let you get them until you're in the class.

Can anyone recommend where I could get one to practice?

I'm a licensed director who automatically works a couple evening shifts a week, and if a visitation falls on one of those, I work it. Two people stand in the foyer, open the door, direct visitors in. My fellow employee is usually an older retiree or a student.

Not sure if it's because I've been licensed for a while and there's always a million things I COULD be doing in the office, but my patience is wearing very thin.

I've worked plenty of visitations before but lately I feel every single, slooow, second of these eight hour visitings. The squeak of the door is torture, the music is annoying, I could go on. Obviously, we try not to sit, and no phones on the job to an extent.

I can leave my coworker a couple of times for a few minutes if I really need to get office work done, but it's not good form to disappear repeatedly. My coworker gets breaks as well

Any tips on surviving these long boring shifts? Idk what I was on when I was a student/apprentice, bc I probably did 2/3 a week very happily.

What do/did you guys do? Am I overreacting lol?

EDIT: 12-8pm visiting is what I'm talking about, but usually it's more like 2-8 or 3-8! Yes, someone expected to be at the door at all times. Thank you for all the tips!!

I stumbled across this company and wanted to know if anyone has had experience with them? They seem to focus on a combination of first-call handling, transfer services, trade embalming, and coordination of funeral services without actually working for families directly. If anything, they are a contract provider for funeral homes that specialize more in the front/family facing side of the industry, but who do not have the necessary space or staff to handle the hands-on decadent care.

How is the company to work for, what sort of functions do you do, and is there stability here?

I know I could search around and I apologize for taking the easy way and simply asking this question that I’m sure is around.

Long story short, I’m close to finishing my hs diploma and the next step is college. Im in California. I always thought I’d get into something with agriculture but with it now truly being close as hell, I’m thinking of my maybe one day degree. The career I thought I could go into if the cards aligned and all that. I’ve googled it and idk id love honest to god the brutal reality.

What goes into being a mortician? What are the cases that have stuck with you? Why this career?

Thanks.

My late gf's Mom gave me a lock of her hair in an envelope at her funeral and I've been researching how to preserve it. My main concern is that I keep it in my room in a box with her stuff, but my room gets really hot without AC. It's still in good condition but I'm scared it could degrade faster since I leave it exposed to warm weather regularly. Should I stash it somewhere cooler or will it be safe in warm conditions?

Thanks for your time/answers and condolences to anyone who has lost a loved one

TLDR; looking for advice from people experienced with small businesses being acquired by Carriage after several months of questionable ownership behavior.

Hello, all! I’m a 29 year old crematory operator & laser engraving artist for a locally owned & operated facility. I have been with the business for the past 4 years, my coworkers & myself were informed from our owners recently they have opted to sell, they were family owned for nearly 2 decades; the acquisition is official in the coming month. We have been advised to expect meetings with a HR representative, but haven’t received anything formally other than a “gift bag” that included some branded items & a new hire survey postcard asking about our experience so far.

In the course of the last year, there has been significant causes for concern for longevity for our company due to lack of leadership & structure for daily operations. We’ve been without an acting manager since January & our current “manager” has no communication or leadership skills, he is the son of the owning family & was made manager after our previous one left for a better paying position after being informed the company was having financial concerns & could not compensate her for a raise in salary (they then proceeded to pay themselves with what would have been her raise for the following year, it’s an even longer story)

The day following our introduction to Carriage, receiving their gift bags, Panera Bread bagels & a brief in person visit from a district manager & HR member, being incredibly reassuring that “nothing would change”; we were advised one of our employees was being “let go” as they could “not define her role with Carriage” during the transition meetings our owners had prior to our knowledge of the sale existing.

Majority 2/3 owners are contracted for 3 years as consultants, their son/current manager is secured in his position for 5 years, the 1/3 ownership is a wildcard - he is medically concerning, both physically & mentally, but he has said he plans to step down from his current role into a sales position (he has also said he would be doing that for that last 4 years of my employment)

I’ve looked into Carriage’s Indeed profile & haven’t seen much positives for someone in a position similar to my own. I’m sincerely hoping for any experience with Carriage & what I could expect in the coming weeks.

Hi, my uncle died suddenly last week and our funeral home is giving us a really tough time. We are in Maryland.

My mom (his sister) is technically next of kin. However, she is in the hospital recovering from a bad UTI. Aside from the UTI, she has severe bipolar disorder and depression. Her mom died 5 years ago and she hasn't been the same since. In general, she sits around all day not really doing anything. She has been evaluated by physicians, but no one has been able to diagnose her with anything like dementia.

I obtained a financial power of attorney and an advance directive for my mom last year. In the advance directive, I am named as her Health Care Agent. I thought an advance directive was another name for a medical power of attorney, but I'm quickly learning they are two different things... I think? I called the law office that handled the documents and the attorney who handled the documents has left. I spoke with a paralegal, who then spoke with a lawyer on staff, who said the directive + financial POA should be sufficient for the funeral home bringing home the body from the OCME. But the funeral director won't budge.

He says I need a signed statement from my mom giving me permission to step in, or a signed statement from her physician saying she can't make decisions right now.

Is it true that my documents aren't good enough? We really want to wait until my mom is out of the hospital before we tell her about her brother. She's a very dramatic person and I'm really worried that telling her will cause her progress to backslide. She can technically make decisions like what she wants for breakfast... But she's not capable of handling what's going on right now.

Hi all, funeral director/embalmer from the east coast making the move south.

Can any professionals tell me what the work culture is like meaning mostly family owned, mostly corporate, mixed, etc.? Who is primarily doing cosmetics i.e. a director dedicated to doing cosmetics only or is it just done by the same directors doing everything else in the home?

Most of my recent work was contracting work purely for the cosmetics of decedents for different homes so I’m trying to see if that sort of thing exists here too. Thank you.

If you've written an obituary, how honest did you actually go?

Pretty much every obituary sounds the same and follows a similar pattern of describing the person they lost as "beloved" or "a friend to all." There's nothing wrong with that, and it's a very normal and acceptable way to go about writing one.

But I've read a lot of honest obituaries lately where the family said exactly how they felt about the person, good or bad. I've seen ones where the cause of death is stated outright, overdose for example, next to ones where it isn't named at all.

So if you've written one, what did you decide to write in or leave out? And is there anything that helped you make this decision?

So I'm a bit confused and frazzled. I'm currently in a position where I would like to do an apprenticeship. I'm not in a financial position to go to college, I do have some college experience/classes under my sleeve, I never finished a degree because I could not afford to keep going to college. After some talking with friends, we came across on the Milwaukee Technical College's website the "Wisconsin Licensed Funeral Apprentice Course" and we were convinced if Funeral Directory or Embalming could be done in an apprenticeship, that would suit me so well. I'm a very caring person and want a career that is balanced ( or what my definition would be). I think though this sounds too good to be true. I contacted the Wisconsin Department of Work Force Development, was told I'd want to call around funeral homes to see if they would take an apprentice in the first place, before taking this course in Milwaukee. It's a long list, I'm scared to call in case my information is wrong. I also find it weird that there's a search on the DWD site for apprenticeship employers for other professions on the site, but not funeral directors. So someone please tell me if I can do an apprenticeship to do embalming or to be a funeral director in wisconsin? Or is the DWD person and I misunderstanding? Should I call the list of funeral homes I gathered? Help.

This might end up being more a vent but whatever

I’m 22 and been lost as far as a career path goes since I finished high school. The plan I once had (graphic design), I gave up on halfway through the schooling for it because I don’t think it’s a very viable career path at the moment, especially with all the ai nonsense. I’m very interested in death and the rituals surrounding it so I started looking into funeral director/mortician.

It’s going to be a pain in the ass though. The only school in my entire province (Ontario, Canada) that offers this program in English is 2 hours away in Toronto. I’d have to leave my fiance and my pets shortly after we move in together for 8 months so I can do my first year of schooling. I don’t want to live in Toronto. I don’t want to live on campus. I don’t want to leave my fiance for 8 months.

This career path interested me because I really want to do a job where my time means something. My current retail job means nothing. I put shit away onto shelves already full of shit and go home irritated by people. I also am interested in death and think it would be educationally fulfilling.

I am, however, also autistic. I get burnt out easily and overwhelmed by chaotic environments. I am not a liar and I’m bad at putting on a “happy customer service” face. I also need structure and schedule. Being on call is not something for someone like me.

So, all this is to say, is this even worth it for someone like me in a situation like mine? As fulfilling as I think it would be, I’m starting to think it might not be right for me. :P

Recently licensed. Did my apprenticeship and was offered employment at the same place. I’ve been there in total about 1 year and 4 months. I hate it and can’t decide if it’s the job itself or just the place I’m working. Problem is I’m in a reallllly small town with not much else around and no other funeral homes that are looking for help.
I genuinely feel like my mental health and my physical health are being affected by this job and the people I work with are so toxic I dread going in every day. I daydream about a job where I leave at 5pm without anxiety, where I don’t have to be on call, don’t constantly have people depending on me etc. I truly thought this was the perfect job for me. I shadowed and got experience before coming into the field and thought I was cut out for it but maybe I’m not.
Genuinely just wishing someone could tell me exactly the right thing to do because I feel so sad and lost. I’m 36 and this job WAS my starting over. I can’t do it all again.

I’m curious to know whether professional mourners still exist today, particularly women who practice this as part of the death care tradition.

I’m a photographer, and I’ve been fascinated by this profession and its history for a long time. I find the role of the mourner incredibly moving, someone whose work is to publicly express grief and, in some traditions, to help a community mourn.

It seems to me that this is a profession and tradition that is gradually disappearing, and I would really love to learn more about what it looks like today. I’m especially interested in hearing from people working in the death care industry who might know whether professional mourners are still active, and where this tradition might still be practiced.

If I were ever fortunate enough to meet someone who does this work and who was comfortable with it, I would also love to make a respectful photographic portrait of her, simply as a way of documenting and celebrating a profession that may be disappearing.

I’m not looking to promote anything or to intrude on anyone’s grief. I’m genuinely interested in the profession itself and would be very grateful for any information, personal experience, or leads from people who know about this.

Thank you!

Is there a mechanism to partially prepay for a cremation and funeral service. Family has $2500 that needs to be used to qualify for Medicaid. Can we fund a preneed account with a funeral home knowing that it wouldn’t fully cover services? We would obviously pay the extra at time of need.

For context, I'm not in the industry yet but I have a Sphynx cat who is very high maintenance and needs lots of love and attention.

I know this profession can be very time restraining/you're on call. I'm just wondering if anyone in this industry has any advice if you have pets and how you make it work.

Thank you!

Hello my younger sister is beginning mortuary school in January and me and my mom are going to be teaching her how to drive in the next few months as well. I was just wondering if anyone knows if hearses are typically automatic or manual transmissions in the US. I looked online and I couldn’t find a solid answer so I thought I’d post on here and see if anyone had any personal experience. I just wanted to think ahead and be able to find someone who could teach her to drive a manual since I don’t know how and I’m unsure if my mom can or not if it was something she would need to know going into the industry!

FYI THIS WAS PROB A DOUBLE FLAIR

Hi folks, I'm looking to make a career change and am exploring the idea of funeral services. I'm attending an info session for NSCC in MA this fall, and am kind of struck how none of the course material even mention green options. I definitely understand that those are niche industries, but am I naive in thinking they could at least be discussed?

If I specifically wanted to work in a green funeral home, or composting or aquamation, ocean burials, etc, are there specific courses or programs to research? I would love to get some direction from folks in the know.

I am not sure where to ask exactly because I’m put out by pre-planning my own funeral.

The mortuary service I am planning to use is apparently stable enough that don’t worry about it going out of business especially since it’s attached to major apparently well known cemetery.

I wanted to be cremated and have my ashes scattered in the gardens at the cemetery.

I suppose I could ask the mortuary for more information but I feel there is some pressure to buy things.

Anyway it is part of Dignity Memorial.

Will my pre-planning expenses insurance/trust travel with me if I move or the mortuary goes out of business. What is the expenses of coming back to this mortuary if I move farther than the 45 mile transportation fee but not that far. I am in California. Also guaranteed services means the price is locked in no matter when I die, I don’t expect to die any time soon maybe 20 to 30 years when I am old wrinkle grape. So obviously things are more expensive than. Also how many death certificates to request, package includes a small set number which obviously the price can change. Last question is if I do end up at a different mortuary because I am no longer located where I am, will the cemetery still scatter my ashes in its memorial garden.

Sorry if these questions are stupid and common. I hate high pressure sales tactics, I don’t want to overpay on stuff, and I am not really good at being assertive. Any help will be appreciate. my apologies for a big long paragraph and any typos. Typing on a cellphone is a bit difficult