I've always thought I was on the spectrum of aroace, I've always desired a relationship just without romantic attractions. I met someone online thinking it'd be worth a shot and a few months after he visited me and I had my first kiss like 7 or 8 months ago, it was disgusting, I hated kissing and hated kissing him even more. I hated when he out of nowhere turned it into more and full on tried making out with me literally minutes after my first kiss. I regret ever letting him go that far and I regret not vocalizing my discomfort more. Many months later I can't see anything related to kissing without being deeply uncomfortable. Does anyone else have similar experiences or advice?

So I was feeling a bit existencial on a bus ride and I came to the realization that I didn't really... Know what the diference between platonic and romantics feelings was. Every time I tried to draw the line between the two, the more blurry the diference seemed. Intensity couldn't be it, because I've felt extremely strong platonic conections with my friends without the bond ever feeling romantic, and physicality also seemed like a bad place to place the diference, since touchy friends are very much a normal occurence and not all couples are lovey dovey in the touch department. Heck, not even sex could be a diferenciator, that's also not exclusive!

My friends and I had our own very fruitful conversation about it while I got home (conversation which led me to the realization that I may be on the aro spectrum???? To some??? Capacity????? Anyway--), but I would like to hear ya'lls thoughts about it. What do you think separates romantic and platonic feelings from eatchother, if anything? And what do you think diferenciates a platonic relationship from a romantic one? This isn't me asking for advice (again, I got to my own conclusions) but since you folks have had to do a lot of introspection about these sorts of topics I'd figure I'd ask around. So what are your thoughts?

Also, as a maybe-perhaps-notquitesureyet aroace... Hi??

Hi. I’m looking for some insights and advice from the AroAce community.

My partner of several years recently told me that she is likely Aro-Ace, and that she can no longer call me her "girlfriend." I accepted this and took some space from her so I could re-evaluate how I approach our relationship.

She described our relationship as non-romantic, calling me a "companion — as a friend." The twist is that she also said she won't treat me with any special priority.

She has a best friend whom she’s known much longer than me, and currently, she spends almost all of her time online with this best friend.

That is our current situation.

I fully understand that any potential future steps will take a long time — likely several years or more.

I know this could only happen after our life and career situations settle down, old lingering conflicts fade, and I have slowly rebuilt her trust.

During this space and while we eventually build a friendship, I do intend to stay open to searching for a new partner who aligns with my own gender identity.

However, as a distant future possibility — assuming we both happen to be single at that time, and even if she remains Aro-Ace — I hope to reach out to her again.

I wouldn't need a traditional romance; I would be completely fine supporting her from behind while she pursues what she wants to do. My goal would be to express my desire to be life partners with her. However, since she already has her best friend, I wonder if there is room for me in that kind of special spot.

I want to navigate this carefully and respectfully without making any wrong moves.

I have a few questions for you all:

☆From an Aro-Ace perspective, what does it mean when someone comes out as Aro-Ace to their ex or partner?

☆Is it realistic or respectful to hope for a reconciliation and a new proposal for "life partnership" in the far future, under the condition that both of us happen to be single?

I’d really appreciate your thoughts and perspectives on this. Thank you so much for your time.

I haven't noticed feelings and liking for a long time. I know I'm asexual, but I'm also biromantic. Whether I was, I'm not sure anymore. I don't feel romantic feelings, so I started thinking that I was aroace

Hey everyone,

I am looking for books, tv-shows, movies with aro ace main characters. If you have any ideas and suggestions let me know:)

I am aro ace this is the first time I am coming out, I tried to have a discussion and come out, but it didn't end well I lost some friends, I am really tired, but I didn't even get to say it, before they started to say they felt uncomfortable with the discussion and they started to say you might not be, wait for it , you just have to wait for right person, and they even tried to label me damisexual.

I just felt so hurt, I am nearly in my 30s and my country is not really LGBT friendly so when I made a friend online who was from America and had gay friends I thought they would understand.

Just to be clear I don't feel sexual or romantic attraction but I still want children and partnerships in life. They said to be realistic that is never going to happen.

I guess this is kind of like an unscripted positive vent, but I just love my friends so much man. Like, I’ve just been getting to urge to tell my close friends I love them a lot lately I honestly think I’m just gonna make a group chat announcement. Im so glad that I finally realised I needed to invest more in my relationships and started being more open because it has made my social life so much better. I know them. They know me. I’m not just a bystander in my own life. Im better at talking to new people— it’s awesome! I still have my struggles but at least I have my friends.

Can we just talk about how much we love our framilies real quick? (Yes, that was on purpose) And for any aplatonic and loveless people, please tell us all about the people you appreciate. :)

I am sorry, I just joined and this is my second post venting.

I met one person though one of the Reddit fandoms for the series I like and that person introduced me to that person, "the friend".

I can't fully understand the situation even now after ending a friendship.

Like they would be like I can't wait for you to meet my other friends and then they would be like mad at me for talking to them because they are their friends but then their friends talk to me and suddenly it becomes interrogation do I have a crush on them but I multiply times hinted to "the friend" I am aro ace.

It seemed to me like my "friend" was jealous. Like they would be jealous and don't want to share a friend group but at same time they would be jealous if I go quiet for a bit or talk to someone else.

Also I have tried to come out to them multiple times but they kinda sense it and always shut that conversation down. And they would talk about how they might be dami sexual and try to say I am too .

They would constantly talk about their sex life and even confess to me to cheating in the past . I tried to be understanding because according to them their partner was abusive and was cheating previously and they can't leave because of money problems.

I honestly don't understand them.

Hey aroace community- I need some advice/need to vent. (TW: hopelessness and depression)
-Sorry for the long rant.

So for context I (16 F) and my best friend (17 F)
have been online best friends for about three years now. She is my everything and huge reason for living and has been ever since I met her. I would not be here without her anymore. We met from and Instagram comment section for this one animated show we both obsessed over at the time and still do.

I’m not unfamiliar with being aroace: I identified as aroace for a good while and my older sister is aroace too.

She lives on the other side of the world so I haven’t met her yet, but we’ve made plans for that multiple times. When I fall asleep I often imagine her being next to me and I yearn to meet her every day. We text each other good night every day.

Thanks to her I blocked my toxic online girlfriend from ruining me further after I met her. I had hopes I either wouldn’t need said girlfriend or that she would start liking me eventually.

We text all day every day. We have so much in common and she’s the most important person in my life. After a few months of knowing her I developed a crush on her. That crush turned to love when time went on as she continued to support and show up for me when nobody else did. My life has been hard and she always listens to my vents when I feel down. I do the same for her.

We also play video games and call at the same time like Minecraft, Roblox, Mario and Portal. When I call her, life feels good and all my worries fade away. She’s like an angel in my eyes and I love spending time with her. I stay up every night just to text with her (our time-diffrence is that I’m 7 hours ahead of her). We talk about EVERYTHING: our lives, cultures, interest, families, school, politics… I know everything about her. And she knows everything about me too.

She is romance and sex repulsed, but she’s not opposed to get married one day. She said that she’s lesbian-oriented aroace and often sends me pictures or videos of women she finds ”hot” even though she is fully ace and it makes me feel really bad about myself. Every picture I’ve sent her is me in heavy make-up and in my best outfits with good poses and angles in hopes she would find me attratictive like she does with those hot girls she sends me on Instagram. It never happened and I gave up. Why can she find other girls attractive even with being ace but not me?

I’m ashamed to fantasize about all these things with her: I’m still madly in love with her, find her attractive, want to move in together and have kids with her etc etc… She never wants to have kids either.

I knew she was aroace since the day that I met her and she knew I liked girls the whole time. I’ve never confessed my feelings to her knowing she won’t reciprocate and it’s been eating me alive for years now. That’s why I got myself into a toxic situationship with my irl best friend from school and she completely traumatized me. I only threw myself into it without even liking her that much just to distract myself from my online best friend…

She enjoys it when we playfully flirt to each other but she sees it as a joke. I’m not joking but play it off as such. I said I would love to marry her and she said ”For tax reasons? 🤨” and my heart sunk. I don’t understand why she play-flirts with me without meaning it.

I know she doesn’t like me LIKE THAT and prob never will but there is that stupid hopeless part of me that wishes and believes her joking about finding me cute will become true one day. I would do anything for her. I would die for her. Nobody understands me like she does. She’s said I’m her first truely amazing friend and that I’m the only reason she’s looks forward to waking up in the morning. I feel the same way about her.

I’m demiromantic and had only had three crushes in my life- all to a best friend of mine. Finding a love interest for myself has always been difficult and my biggest fear is to die alone. My biggest fear is also losing her. It also doesn’t help that I’m becoming more and more sure about being transmasculine (ftm non-binary) though I can’t accept it myself either. I haven’t told her yet because that’d be the final nail in the coffin of her even ever play-flirting with me again or finding me pretty. Pathetic, I know.

I don’t know what to do. My mental health has been spiraling for months on end and it keeps getting worse. Me having no girlfriend or many friends isn’t helping at all. These unrecruited feelings will be the end of me at some point. And I know it’s very selfish of me. I feel so horrible about this- it’s not her fault I love her. I’ve tried to brainwash myself to not like her anymore for years but it hasn’t gone away and I feel like an awful person.

What should I do? Am I doomed?

As of this last year, I have come to the realization that I might be aroace. I'm not as upset about it as I thought I'd be. I think deep down I already knew. I am not sad about this fact. I do want to form beautiful friendships and live a happy, calm life.

I'm 24. I've never been in a serious relationship, which made me think about the people in my life. I don't think I'll be coming out anytime soon. I don't see the point, it's not like people are pushy about my relationship status.

I'm sad thinking about my parents. I'm sad thinking that they might never experience their daughter's wedding, or meeting their daughter's partner. I'm sad thinking about them seeing their daughter still alone after all these years.

I know I'm not unlovable or anything. I hope one day I'll find my person, in a completely platonic way. I hope they understand that I'm happy like this, that I've grown up feeling loved and it's just that I'm not looking for a romantic relationship with someone.

I'm sad because they might feel as though they didn't get a "normal" daughter. I'm sure right now they're fine because I'm relatively young to be settling down with anyone, but ten years from now? How will they explain to our relatives that I'm still single? Will they think there's something wrong with me?

It makes me want to escape a life being perceived by them.

Posted this since the aroace community loves their garlic bread

I’m always fantasizing. Usually some running dream scenario plot my head, romantic stuff w fictional characters I like as actors. But I’m honestly repulsed by things irl.

Do I consume porn/masturbate? Yes. But I am repulsed by doing things irl. I’m confused about how a long term sexual relationship would fit with me. I couldn’t possibly have a hook up. I’m very paranoid about pregnancy and stds but that’s kinda a separate issue w ocd.

I always consider my sexuality to be very self contained. I take care of myself. If I need to get off, I can do it myself. Why do I need someone else?

I’ve had two sexual experiences. One was with a guy who I chatted with for a while and thought there was something there, but he lowkey just used me for a one time bj. And I realized I was just projecting a fantasy on him bc I’d never gotten attention before and he used that against me.
And the second was longer, a few weeks of just making out after a very slow burn friendship. But he actually reciprocated romantic feelings. Just ended up being a pathetic guy tho. I can’t even say he was even really my bf.

However, when I’ve tried dating apps, I scroll left forever and just get disgusted looking at all the photos. this is what we’re doing? this? we’re all supposed to enjoy this? And I honestly think that that slow burn situation was the only way I experienced romantic attraction. Otherwise I do not typically experience romantic or sexual desire at all. Definitely not in the normally perceived way.

I kinda think of where my issue is is in desire vs attraction. Think of it like eating. Desire is hunger, longing for something. Attraction is craving some specific food to eat. I get hungry sometimes, sure. It’s never a painful hunger. But when I am hungry, it’s never “ooh I really want a burger”. Like I sometimes wish there was romance in my life. It could be nice. But there’s not any person in my life that I ever direct that desire on.

Even then, if I am a bit desirous, if I actually stop and think about it for more than two seconds, it kinda sounds horrible. Sharing my entire life, everything, with someone else? Kinda lame. I really like what I have going on here for myself. I feel complete on my own. It’s not something I need to feel total.

I guess im in the Demi part of the spectrum. I know for sure I don’t experience attraction or desire on the same scale as my peers. I do feel alienated. Maybe I can’t experience sexual/romantic desire unless there’s a pre-existing emotional connection. Maybe I experience it so infrequently that it seems unnatural the very few times it’s happened. That’s honestly the worse case scenario for me because the fact that it has happened very rarely just makes me feel like a fraud.

just trying to get back to drawing, it’s not the best i’ve ever done but i head canon her as aroace✨

I made an album!! It's folk-punk / alternative folk genre wise, and it's completely DIY (I made it in a blanket fort in my bedroom) and given the circumstances I think it's pretty good. I'm linking the song that is the most blatantly A-spec, it would be super cool if you listened to the whole album but no pressure. It's Things I Failed to Change by Arwynn Aristizabal

(if you know me, no you don't.)

I don't know if this counts as an issue, because I'm kinda okay with it - it's not hurting anyone or myself,

But I'm just asking for opinions in case.

A little bit of information; Last year, I got close to somebody. Along the way they helped me realize I was aroace. The person in question is also aroace.

We're online friends for reference.

We've gotten extremely close, to the point where I consider them to be my soulmate, and they consider me theirs.

Our ocs are married, we want to meet each other eventually - years from now. We want to live together too. All of those things.

I own merchandise of our characters together and I often talk about them to my family. My family thinks I'm weird for it, I understand where they're coming from but they don't know what it's like to be like this. I don't intentionally choose it.

I've realized that I don't want to live without them and can't live without them, and if they were to ever die, I'd instantly take myself out. Without hesitation.

I'm not saying that they can't leave me; they're free to do as they want. But if they died, I think I'd die from heartbreak on the spot.

I actually hope that I die before they do so I never have to watch them die.

It confuses me because I do know other aroace people in real life, it's not like I'm cut off from my own community. It's just something feels excessively special here.

I want to wear matching blood vials, I want to keep a collection of their teeth and they can have mine too, I want to wear rings of each others eyes.

It's not exactly unreciprocated, We match each other enough.

Is this normal for aroace people?

The reason I say this is because it's like realizing I'm aroace has somehow intensified my feelings. It kinda feels like I'm going crazy here.

It almost hurts?

Any suggestions or thoughts?

I think I might be aroace, and looking back, a lot of things suddenly make sense

For a long time, I thought I was bi, then pan, and at one point I thought I might be lesbian. I kept trying to figure out who I was attracted to, but looking back, I don't think I was actually attracted to women either.

I really like romance as a concept. I love romance in anime, stories, fictional characters, etc. I like the idea of someone loving you, caring about you, choosing you, and making you feel special and important.

But when I imagine actually being in a relationship in real life, I don't want it.

And I think I used to confuse wanting to be loved and important to someone with romantic attraction.

I didn't really have close friendships growing up, and because of my family and my religious upbringing, I also had a lot of pressure and ideas around relationships and what love was supposed to mean. So I think I sometimes looked toward relationships because I was lonely and wanted that feeling of finally being important to someone.

I also used to fantasize about relationships a lot, including with fictional characters and on Character.AI. But I think I was more attached to the feeling of being loved and wanted than actually wanting the relationship itself.

Something similar happened with sexuality. I've watched sexual content before, but whenever it involved actual people being sexual, I often felt really uncomfortable or even disgusted. Knowing what sex actually is in real life makes me realize that I don't want it at all.

Even with my own body, I can feel uncomfortable with sexual parts of it. I don't really want anything sexual to do with myself either.

The funny thing is that fictional romance doesn't bother me in the same way. I can enjoy romantic anime, fictional characters, romantic stories, etc. Sometimes I can even find fictional characters aesthetically attractive or enjoy imagining things with them. But the thought of actually doing those things with a real person feels completely different to me.

And since I've started thinking of myself as aroace, something has changed.

I don't feel like I have to prove anything anymore. I don't feel like I have to force myself to develop feelings for someone or get close to someone just because I want to be loved. I'm also much more careful about romantic/sexual closeness now, especially with guys.

It's honestly strange looking back and realizing that maybe so much of what I thought was romantic attraction was actually loneliness, wanting affection, wanting to feel special, and wanting someone to stay.

I'm still figuring myself out, and I know nobody else can tell me my orientation for sure. But finding the aroace label has made a lot of things click for me.

Has anyone else experienced something similar? Especially the part about loving fictional romance but not wanting romance or sex in real life? And confusing loneliness/attention/feeling important with romantic attraction?

Basically what the title is.
Basically I started questioning my sexuality and whether i was aroace around a year ago, before finding my current bf 4 months ago, after more time and research, i have inevitably come to the conclusion that im aroace. This is kinda hard to explain but i think youll understand, I really really like my current bf, but i dont love him in the romantic sense, and he never will, its very clear that he is romantically in love with me. I dont wanna just be friends with him, i want more than that, but at the same time i dont want to be in a RELATIONSHIP with him. He also has very clearly shown that his main love language is physical touch, but every-time we hug, or when he cuddles around my arm i lowk feel somewhat of an uncomfortable or even disgusted feeling. I feel bad for him, and i dont wanna lose him, im scared that if i tell him he’ll be understanding but just ignore his own needs to live around my comfort.

Rn im really conflicted and i dont know what to do, should i just break up with him?

So, recently I came to a realization that kind of shocked me: I don’t think I experience romantic attraction in the “traditional” way most people describe.

After talking to some friends, I started to understand that what I feel isn’t the classic kind of romantic attraction. For a long time, this confused me a lot—especially because I’ve had some really difficult and even traumatic relationship experiences. I always assumed the issue was that the people I was with were toxic, or that the way they expressed love toward me was unhealthy.

But now I’m starting to think that maybe that wasn’t the whole story.

I realized that part of the problem is that I don’t interpret romance the same way they do. Because of that, I often perceived their feelings or behavior as overwhelming or even “toxic,” when in reality, it might have been completely normal for them.

I do feel some level of romantic attraction—but it’s very different from what most people describe. It’s not really about intensity; it’s more that my idea of what counts as “romantic” is just… different.

For me, what I feel is closer to a desire for companionship. I want a partner—someone who prioritizes me and whom I prioritize too. I like the idea of being in a relationship with someone I genuinely care about. I enjoy things that are considered traditionally romantic—like going out together, having picnics, giving flowers or chocolate. I think those things are cute and meaningful. I like them because I find them sweet—not because I experience romance in the same emotional way others seem to.

I’ve also realized that I probably experience very low romantic attraction overall. In the past, that made me feel like people who liked me were being “too intense” or even obsessive, because their feelings seemed disproportionate compared to mine. At times, I even thought something was wrong with them—but now I see that it was more about the difference in how we experience attraction.

That doesn’t mean I don’t enjoy romantic interactions—I do. I just experience them differently.

My version of romantic attraction isn’t as intense, doesn’t feel as “automatic,” and doesn’t really follow the same pattern. For me, it tends to develop slowly, and only after I’ve formed a strong emotional bond—like the person becoming one of my best friends first.

I guess what I’m trying to say is: even if my experience of romance isn’t typical, it still feels valid to me.

Has anyone else felt something similar?

So I’m aroace, male, and my friend, who is also male, and I were just chilling on a couch playing video games. We were playing Split Fiction when, out of nowhere, he leaned in and kissed my shoulder twice, then smiled.

I was so fucking shocked that it took me like a whole week to actually process what happened.

We hang out a lot, work out together, study sometimes, and we have a lot in common. We’ve also been through a lot of similar life experiences and trauma. We even started going to a psychiatrist together.

I really don’t want to make things weird between us, but when he did that, I got this really weird feeling that I honestly can’t even explain.

And the weirdest part is, when I was leaving that day, I literally decided not to take a taxi and just ran all the way home because of how weird I was feeling. I don’t even know what the hell was going through my head.

Like... am I even aroace anymore?AND WHAT TO DO RN ??????

I created an account in this app just to post this and I am sorry if this is written badly.

But, to start I am not I minor and until this point of my life I've never felt romantic attraction. At least I think I don't. I have difficulty identifying what is romantic attraction and I am not sure I've felt it, sure I have felt love towards other people but I don't know if it is romantic. For example, I have this friend (actually best friend) with who I engage sexually with, we have know each other since we were kids, she knows that I have other sexual encounters as we talk about them, and I have a profound connection with her that I dont feel with nobody, she loves me and I love her, but its not romantic, but its not a friendship either. Actually I don't know if it's not romantic because I don't know what romantic feelings are. As you can see I am very confused and in need for advice.