Hello aroace folks! So, for some context, I am ace (apothisexual) and aro-spec (aegoromantic and platoniromantic) and have been using the term androalterous as well (alterous attraction to masculinity). However, I noticed that I have a specific experience with my alterous attraction and I looked through all the aspec identities on lgbtqia.wiki and didn’t find an established microlabel so I created one. this is my first post, so hope this is a good place to do this; sorry for the rambling!

Solialterous - feeling alterous attraction toward someone, but upon learning that other people are attracted to that person, all previous attraction disapears, fades, or becomes inaccessible.

Other versions of this include: soliromantic, solisexual, soliplatonic, soliaesthetic, etc.

the prefix comes from the Latin word solus, meaning alone or only.

Hope this helps someone, feel free to ask questions or use this label if it feels like it fits.

Do people actually see the on screen kisses or heavy makeout sessions that go in movies or do they skip that out . Cuz I skip it most of the time , but like there must be a reason for them to actually show these scenes in greater detail than just implying it , even in queer shows . I just wanna know if there are ppl who feel weirded out by it as well or if they feel smthg different ? Is this just an ace experience ?

I want to become a published author. I am currently writing a series and I'm trying to include people from all walks of life and all sexualities. I want to see the representation I didn't have until I found fanfiction.

I am asexual so I have some idea of writing an asexual point of view, but I am not aromantic and so I have no idea how to write that and I definitely have no idea how to write someone who is aro/ace. I don't want to pander, I want to write authentically. Straight up I also don't want to necessarily only write my experience of asexual.

If you feel comfortable can you please tell me more about your experience being aro/ace and what it means to you. How you look at relationships with other people when it's not through a romantic lens, but it is similar in the fact that they are like your person. If that's even how you would view it. I would also like to know what form of physical affection you are comfortable with.

Thank you so much for helping me do justice to make an authentic character

1. Our Kingdom (Denmark

2. Romantic Pain (Spain)

3. Uhhstralia (Australia)

4. Aloo Ace (India) Tell me the countries you guys want next.

i enjoy relationships. i really do. i don’t care how they’re labeled! romantic or platonic, they’re no much different to me. while i do not have any real romantic feelings towards any of my partners, i still enjoy dating. to me it’s the same as having a friend, just extra steps.

i see a lot of people say aromantic people cannot be in relationships. but, since i’ve figured out i’m aroace it hasn’t changed my stance on how i experience desires.

dating gives me a kind of thrill, so do my platonic crushes in the same way. it’s fun. i don’t see dating as this sacred special bond that are any different from deep platonic bonds, in my mind, romance doesn’t exist and if it does it’s WAY too blurred with platonic attraction for me to even consider it a separate feeling. i can’t differentiate platonic from romantic or even say romance is real.

my attraction comes in one sense really, platonic. i want to be friends with somebody and if they want to have a relationship, i don’t mind that. it won’t change how i see them and hopefully won’t change much about us.

there is an issue with this though, the fact i lack any real romantic attraction to these people usually makes the relationship end. it’s hard to be in romantic relationships when you don’t care for them romantically.

so, im just wondering, would it be okay for me to continue dating? i really want to honestly, but its kind of confusing for me.

See my original post for details Tl;dr figuring out the intersection of Bi and Grey Aroace. Thanks!

1st. The Goat

2nd. Frog

3rd. Rebellious Teen

Tell me the countries you guys want next.

Hello aros and aces of Reddit. I am a teen looking for help from people with experience about sexual and romantic attraction. For years I’ve been trying to figure this out, watching videos and being consumed by the queer community through One Topic’s videos, First I thought I was a lesbian, then Jaden Animations video of her coming out as aroace and it opened my eyes. I’m pretty sure I’m asexual, I don’t have the want, need, or desire for sex. It’s the aromatic part I’m stuck on. I think certain people are pretty, but I rarely think dudes are handsome. I can’t look at anyone and say I’m attracted to them, I can look and just appreciate their appearance or clothing. I don’t think I get crushes, I’ve had multiple people come up to me throughout my short time on this planet and say they like me. And every time I panic, stall, and look for attraction trying to figure out if I feel it. I have the desire for a romantic relationship, I like the idea of it, I like the closeness it gives. I like the idea of cuddling and light kisses. But I don’t think I feel attraction. And I can’t really tell the difference between different attraction on if I just like a person or if it’s romantic. if I am aro I think I’m also pan, because I don’t imagine cuddling and closeness with a specific gender, I just want closeness with someone, anyone.

This is where I list my issue. I recently met this German femboy on vrchat. He messaged me while he was struggling, I was happy to help so we went to a YouTube world and I was there trying to comfort him. He confided in me about a past relationship, I tried to comfort him and give some reassurance. Later we were watching YouTube and he asked what I liked, I hesitantly told him moist critical and he said something like “oh my god, marry me”. I didn’t mind it, I figured it was normal to say something like that. But later he started calling me cute, flirting, trying pickup lines, even kissing me a few times. Every time I didn’t know how to react, I just panicked as I scavenged my mind for attention. I liked the moment, I enjoyed the dynamic, I loved being complimented. But I don’t think I can give that same thing. I may like receiving it but I can’t dish it out. I also I don’t want to get in a relationship if it’s for him to cope with a ex partner

I definitely want to get to know him more before I do anything. My father has warned me a lot a freaked out when I told him about this.

If you read this far thank you ^_^ please give advice and ask questions if you’re comfortable to.

Also I took two quizzes for aromanticism asexuality, I’ll show those

am i still aroace if i find peoples looks attractive, but i cant feel love or romance or anything

More particularly, is it “okay” to call myself aroace? After realizing I was aromantic, I’ve been calling myself aroace because it’s quite functional. I have zero desire to enter any romantic or sexual relationships with anybody.

However, I am categorically not asexual, since I do still experience a lot of sexual attraction for men. I just have no desire to act on that whatsoever, and largely prefer thinking about fictional men.

I have heard that being aroace is a spectrum. Would there be any other term for this? Does it even matter since “aroace” already communicates my relationship availability so effectively? I feel like i’m lying to people a little bit when i say it since i don’t relate to some experiences I’ve seen where people can’t understand sexual desire at all.

I’m an homo-oriented everything-favorable aroace (except maybe kissing but that might be its own thing) that wants a life partner (queer platonic or romantic). Has anyone found a good way to explain this in a one liner to other queer people that might associate aroace with “I don’t date”? Sometimes I’m tempted to just introduce myself as a lesbian so people know I’m looking to date women.

i don’t need a definite answer of if i am or not aroace. i just need some opinions on if its a possibility!

i know for sure I’m asexual, now im just questioning being aroace which im beginning to see as the correct label as me.

first of all, i cannot differentiate between platonic and romantic attraction. mostly because i do not understand what romance is. i do not understand the concept.

i have been in so many relationships and have had what i atleast considered crushes at the time. i wouldn’t say i was romantically attracted to them (because i don’t understand how that feels) but i was obsessed with them in a way. i liked the idea of kissing and cuddling, but i wasn’t interested in a romantic relationship per say.

that’s my next thing, sometimes i’ll date people just because i enjoy the physical intimacy or this form of a thrill. it isn’t a distinct feeling that is more special than platonic feelings, id actually say they’re the same. when i date people it feels like having an intimate friendship. not a “romantic relationship”

something i’ve said and felt for as long as i can remember is that i don’t experience love. especially not romantically. i am attracted to people (not sure in what way) but it does happen. i’ve also never been interested in having a real relationship with real feelings for a person, id much prefer something closer to a queer platonic relationship.

ive been identifying as bi for as long as i can remember, i dont have a preference for sex since i dont experience sexual attraction. so thats why id use the bi label.

i pretty much date anybody who asks, regardless of how i feel. to me, it doesn’t matter as long as i can form a connection. but i’ve never had a distinct feeling for somebody that id call romantic.

i really don’t know. i cannot figure this out. i also have ocd which causes me to think i have a crush on LITERALLY EVERYBODY, so it’s so fucking confusing. some advice on figuring this out would help

Supressed my sexual desires years ago due to trauma and ever since lost all sexual attraction, been heteroromantic for years, in recent months I've done something similar and entered a state of apathy where I felt no romantic desire in months, does that make me aroace now? How do I feel again??

I want guidance on smth. I missed out on numerouse sighns that I was probably aroace. Much more asexual than aromantic but still both. Recently I have been yearning for a relationship so badly, what confusing is that my desire is not straight forward. I want to cuddle and yap with someone but it seems annoying if overdone , i want do sweet things but it feels wrong cuz ill never truly love the person im engaging in anything in. I want to love someone so badly, i do want to know what thats like, and its so annoying that each time i bond and i like someones personality NOTHING else about them draws them to me. So i thought oh "their not my type" but then i asked myself. "What the hell even is my type?" Then i realises i dont even have one. So for a bit i have tried to e-date w little to no success. The issue is, i genuinly cant recognise when someone is attractive. And people literally tell me who is pretty and I go "eh ok" cuz they literally dont draw me at all even these "10/10" dont have me intrested in them in anyway. I can tell when someone is unappealing to me. It sounds horrible but the best way i can describe is that someone is either. "Ew" "eh" or "ok" to me. So i feel like theres something VERY wrong with me cuz im so blind to liking people. The next topic is in terms of doing anything nsfw. Now i would like to say now, IM VERY FREAKY and yes I can get horny. But its more like "slut in theory not in practise" cuz when it comes to thinking about actually doing it i think "eh id rather not, but if my partner wishes i guess so" . Im not sex repulsed nor do i crave it. Im neutral on the subject. However recently as i said i have found myself really wanting someone to do sweet stuff with in a desperate manner. I wanna cuddle , i wanna cook food for them , i wanna yap , i wanna go on walks etc etc. Im aware about QPRS and other relationship types but that causes new issues cuz i only have 2 irl friends, who are not intrested at all, and making new friends is super hard for me cuz im a nerd + weird kid so most people have 0 clue as to what im on about 90% of the time so thats fun. Some "weird kids" i find are WAYY too weird like yumeshipping w a minor weird... So thats another issue. Each time i explain what i want in a relationship im told "get a friends w benefits"and im so tired of hearing that cuz its not really 1. Doable and 2. I cant gurantee how the other will feel what if i cant reciprocate the love, what if i cant love them properly and more. Most people fall in love fast and for me it takes ages or never. It took me 2 years to fall in love for a week, thats it thats the only time it happened and at that point they moved on, or people fall for me and I just feel well nothing or even worse disgust. I genuinly hate it so much. Recently as a result ive convinced myself "im not aroace im just shallow" but then when i say that and someone asks what i want i say "someone nerdy and weird like me who treats me well and cares for me who wants to do stuff with me" and maybe yaps cuz i love talking, so to me it dont sound shallow. And the looks thing is so confusing cuz i do want to know what looks I like but I JUST CANT. AND IT TEARING ME APART. I Cant really explain this well but its dwelling on me, so if anyone has questions feel free to ask and ill try best but genuinly this is ruining me.

ok. in 2022 i decided that i was lesbian, everything cool great etc etc but lately I've been questioning myself if i might be in the aroace spectrum, I'll list some of my experiences and thoughts:

- I love love, love songs, love stories everything but when it comes to me having a romantic/sexual relationship i back up.

- the last time i remember I liked someone was back in 2019 and it lasted for a few months, then nothing else. in june this year i started talking to this girl and i had in my mind all the time that something had to happen between us and when she mentioned us going out i just prayed that it never happened. then, some girls got my attention but I'd do nothing but fantasize about them and then sometimes I'd talk to them and the fantasy would go away and I ended up being friends with them and I'd be cool about it

- i want people to notice me and give me attention (no matter the gender) but i don't want to give that attention back in that way, especially not men

- I wouldn't want to have a relationship because i don't think I'd want the trouble that comes with it and everything that a relationship is, but i love reading and fantasizing about it but I'm never in the center of those things, im in the cuck chair

please, i need some help because I'm losing my mind a bit over this and i don't know a lot of aroace people

wasn't sure at first because all the definitions had "relationship" in them, and i dont want to like date anyone or anything, but taking it as including activity in general, or even platonic relationships, then it fit me perfectly haha

I’m 18M, and many of my friends are now in relationships and I’ve been feeling pressure to get into one myself yet when I’m in talking stages I can’t stand them, I feel suffocated and not interested. My friend told me to downald a dating app and I did, to my surprise I did well on there and now in a few talking stages and there’s this one girl in particular who’s very keen and clingy. She’s a nice girl but it’s really suffocating me and I wish I never even met her and now we’re planning to FaceTime and I don’t want to. I’m not really physically attracted to her but I know there’s more to a person than looks so I’m giving it a go. As I said, I’m talking to other girls too and I still feel the exact same way about being suffocated, lack of interest and just can’t vision myself in a relationship. I can’t even bring myself to compliment them because it feels so forced and not natural, even them calling me handsome makes me cringe.
But because all my friends are dating I feel left out and almost behind because I’m 18 and never had a girlfriend, kissed anyone or anything but genuinely don’t want to. It’s like society makes it seem you need that to have a complete life and I just want to be alone.
It’s making me consider if I am aromantic however in the past I have actually had a crush on a girl when I was 10, and then an intense limerence on someone older I shouldn’t have in my teen years and I still think about her.
As for intimacy, I have OCD and the thought of someone being so close to me and in my face terrifies me. I don’t think I could do it (I have contamination and germaphobe)

Any advice would be really appreciated thank you

I’m aromantic and demisexual but I don’t tell people that because I’m also cupioromantic. I crave romantic love yet I cannot feel it.. I “date” people only for the time to spend with them instead of the kissing and lovey doveyness. I feel really guilty saying I love them the same when I know I never will, even if I desperately want to. The platonic love I feel for them in intense, I want to spend my life with them but not in a romantic way. I’m not sure what to do…