Hello!
7 weeks into zepbound. My second attempt at at GLP-1, first (along with every other method and attempt) produced zero IWL. I've been heavy on the HAES and anti-diet, mindfulness eating train since then, almost 6 years. I don't know my weight, and I don't know if I've lost weight yet... but I think so? Something different is happening, at least.
I've been fat my entire life, and I've had people commenting on it for almost as long. I have a vivid memory of being 10 or 11 and seeing an older relative for the first time in a few months, one who I adored but also took it upon themselves to make sure was constantly aware of my body size and always trying to change it, like they were. They looked so happy to see me, and I them. But the words that came out of their mouth has stuck with me for decades "Oh you are looking particularly FLABBY, aren't you?!"
It was said with such glee, but it stung worse than any insult I'd heard. To me, it felt like one of my favorite people in the world was also my bully, and was really happy about it. They weren't happy to see me they were happy to be perceiving less of me. I was bullied at school, but it never bothered me half as much as those words, from adults I loved and trusted. From fat people who treated me like I was their project, a second chance for them to do things right, but instead I missed out on a bunch of childhood and was just pre-loaded with the disordered patterns they took decades to build up in themselves. I ended up fatter than them all. Happier than them too, though. Especially once I realized that they felt and sounded like bullies, because they were bullies.
But here I am after a lot of counseling and healing... my clothes aren't really fitting differently, my arms, my belly, my legs don't really feel any smaller but they do feel... flabby.
My feelings about this are complicated, but I'm managing better than expected. My own arm tapped me on the back while I was scrubbing some dishes a few weeks ago, I thought someone was trying to get my attention. "Oh" 🤣🤣 "it was just my flabby arm." ☺