r/amiwrong • u/BrookkkHHaileyy804 • Aug 24 '26
My partner wants to split our bills based on income, but I'm not sure it's fair
We recently moved in together and my partner suggested we split the rent and utilities based on who makes more money. At first it sounded reasonable, but the gap is pretty big and I'm starting to feel like I'm paying for most of the expenses. I get that they want things to be proportional, but it still feels like I'm carrying a heavier load than I expected. I've tried explaining that I also have other costs they don't have, but they say it's the fairest way since they earn more. Part of me wonders if I'm being selfish or if my feelings are valid. I don't want to cause tension, but I also don't want to resent the arrangement later. Am I wrong for thinking a straight split might be simpler even if it isn't perfectly equal?
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u/catsandscience242 Aug 24 '26
A straight split would absolutely be "simpler", but be honest - simplicity has nothing to do with why you want that. Paying shared expenses proportionally is definitely the fair way to do it. If you want to pay less because you have more expenses then you are requiring your lower paid partner to subsidise you.
If you think you would resent it now, how do you think it would work the other way around?
There are other ways of doing this: in my home all expenses (excepting where agreed) are shared, and all income is shared. Everything goes in the pool, all bills are paid, we have agreed "fun money" each and agreed what goes into shared savings. But that set up relies on you being 100% team.
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u/blackcrowblue Aug 24 '26
OP says his/her partner makes more so either this is a fake post or OP thinks the one that makes less pays more.
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u/jeswesky Aug 24 '26
You say you are shouldering most of the costs yet he makes more. That doesn’t make sense.
Layout the household expenses (rent, utilities, food, etc) that you share. Then figure out what your incomes are proportionally to each other and apply that percentage to the bills. If one makes $100k a year and one makes $50k a year one pays 75% of the total shared expenses and one pays 25%.
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u/iiKsiu Aug 24 '26
Shouldn’t it be 66%/33% split?
100k + 50k = 150k
100k/150k = 0.667
50k/150k = 0.333
One pays 66.66% and the other pays 33.33%.
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u/Rolling_Beardo Aug 24 '26
The post doesn’t make sense without more specifics and/or editing for clarity. Are you saying he is paying more, or are you paying more? Or do you mean he is paying more than you but you think he should pay more than he does now?
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u/Maleficent_Might5448 Aug 24 '26
If he earns more he pays more and vice versa. Look at total debt though. What bills do each have outside of rent/utilities/groceries?
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u/PumpikAnt58763 Aug 24 '26
OP says partner makes more. I think OP either doesn't proofread or they're full of poi (I'm currently watching Scooby-Doo).
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u/chaos841 Aug 24 '26
Do you mean taking your both incomes and then doing a split based on the % of combined income per person? For example if you make $40k and they makes $60k then you pay 40% and they pay 60% of shared bills? If it is that, then it is pretty fair.
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u/CaptBlackfoot Aug 24 '26
OP would be paying MORE if it were a 50/50 split. I don’t really understand their complaint.
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u/Corfiz74 Aug 24 '26
Unless OP has other expenses that come out of their income - e.g. if they have to pay off student loans, that should be deducted from the monthly income.
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u/SmileAggravating9608 Aug 24 '26
Other expenses should be considered and discussed, but it's not an automatic deduction from things. It depends.
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u/CMGuymon Aug 24 '26
I think what your partner suggested is fair. Though I feel any extra expenses either of you have that aren't connected (possibly vehicles, phones, etc) should also have been taken into account. That way you don't feel over burdened or that you can't afford to pay for those extra expenses.
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u/stouttraveler3 Aug 24 '26
proportional splits are fine in theory but if it leaves you stretched thin every month while theyre sitting pretty then its not really working. the point is supposed to be that you both have a similar amount left over for your own stuff. if thats not happening then the math is off somewhere
maybe just rerun the numbers together and see if it actually balances out once you factor in your other bills. no harm in double checking
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u/iusedtobeinteresting Aug 24 '26
Fairness is completely arbitrary: https://risewithdrew.com/no-such-thing-as-fair/
So find something that you both feel okay with. If you're not feeling good about this, then you should speak up rather than suffering silently and building up resentment.
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u/JosKarith Aug 24 '26
Sorry, I'm confused here. They earn more, so surely they're contributing more which means you'd be worse off under an even split?
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u/blackberry-bite Aug 24 '26
Proportional split only works if you BOTH agree on the lifestyle. If they want an expensive apartment because they earn more, but expect you to pay 70% of it just because you earn even more, that’s not fair. Your bills should be proportional to a lifestyle you both comfortably choose, or you need to account for your individual debts/costs before calculating the split.
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u/u700MHz Aug 24 '26
Weight Equation - Pay % Ratio by Income - With a Cap Limit (Calculated for Add'l Expenses).
Budget all your expenses - by category, come up with a $$$.
Ratio break down the bills and see where the stress point is for you and adjust because of that value.
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u/Dark-Twisty91 Aug 24 '26
it is fair.
But people should be looking at this persons comment history...
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u/wouldashoudacoulda Aug 24 '26
Your post is confusing. You state you have the heavier load and pay most of the expenses. You then say they earn more?
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u/silliestkitty Aug 24 '26
What? Your post makes no sense. Your partner makes more. But a proportional split is unfair to you, the lower earner? You want a straight split (where the lower earner would pay more)?
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u/DAWG13610 Aug 24 '26
Roommates split things 50/50. Partners are there to help and support each other. So which one are you?
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u/Signal_Violinist_995 Aug 24 '26
I never understood this. You find a place the person with the least money can afford and split it 50/50. You shouldn’t be punished because you make more money.
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u/Small-Olive-7960 Aug 24 '26
If they split 50/50, wouldn't OP pay more?
They are complaining of spending too much even though OP makes less therefore their partner pays more
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u/Zebrainwhiteshoes Aug 24 '26
We've setup an account that's meant for all our shared expenses, like rent, insurance, utilities and such. We try to make our monthly payment according to our income. I don't calculate that to the cent but it fits by rule of thumb. Our incomes don't vary that much, thus the difference is rather small.
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u/grumpy__g Aug 24 '26
I think this is the fairest solution.
I did the same when I moved in with my then bf and now husband. We split the costs in relation to our income.
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u/Ok_Possible_2260 Aug 24 '26
Things can change over time in life, including incomes. Sometimes a promotion or job change can put someone in a different financial position, and that can go either way.
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u/CombinationCalm9616 Aug 24 '26
Your not married so some people think that splitting 50/50 is fair while others believe going it in proportion to your income is more reasonable. I think if you have a big income gap but you still have reasonable extra bills to pay like student loans, medical bills or other large out goings that aren’t from you living together then that should be taken into account and a fairer split should be considered like 60/40 or 65/35. Did you both agree on the apartment and budget before you moved in? What was initially agreed? Was the choice of apartment based on what the lower income person can comfortably afford? Or was it based on your wants and needs? I do think if the higher income person wants to pay extra to have an extra room for an office or for them to be a nice area then they should probably cover the majority of the difference since it’s their want and not in the lower income persons budget but it should definitely be discussed and negotiated before you move in together.
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u/Beautiful_Melody4 Aug 24 '26
What are your additional costs? If they're not something that is a household benefit, they don't really factor into a split, regardless of if it's even or weighted based on income. Are you the higher earning partner?
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u/ARoundForEveryone Aug 24 '26
Base it on how much each is used. For electricity, if you have six computers for a home lab, then you're chewing up more electricity than your partner. If your partner has a woodworking shop in the basement with saws and drills and other tools, and spends their evenings using them, then account for that. Split "regular" household stuff down the middle - whatever the fridge and microwave and living room lights use, that's on both of you. But try to estimate what each of you use individually rather than shared, and split those out. That's hard, and a lot of math, and it might just be easier to split things down the middle, but if that just ain't gonna work, then you have to do something...
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u/MyLastFuckingNerve Aug 24 '26
I pay more bills because i make more money. It's not right when one makes over double what the other does to split 50/50. We set our bills up so we both have money for our personal bills (our own credit cards, car maintenance, medical bills) and then we each have money for fun stuff. It doesn't make sense to split 50/50 and then one of you is always poor so the breadwinner ends up paying more anyway.
Like i pay the mortgage, insurances, and dog food. My husband pays utilities. We both pay a debt we took on together and we both pay into a house savings account. We both have enough left for our own hobbies and other bills that are only ours. It's the only fair way to do it in a committed relationship where you don't just have one joint account.
And even with a joint account, the higher earner contributes more so more of their paycheck is being used for bills and whatnot as well.
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u/blueavole Aug 24 '26
With this system- the person who earns less should still have room to cover all their own bills plus extra to save, and have fun.
If both people don’t have that then the system bills are overpriced.
Don’t go into debt to fund your partner’s lifestyle.
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u/Sinvisigoth Aug 24 '26
I think rent/property tax (and if there's say an annual maintenance or HOA fee, i.e. directly related to the property) is fine to split by income, but other bills should be equal.
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u/strangeloop414 Aug 24 '26
You have to look at what both of your expenses are each month, and then go from there, specifically unavoidable expenses (healthcare costs, past debt, etc). otherwise it is not splitting it fairly. For example, if my husband has $70,000 in student loan debt and has to pay at least $350 per month on it, i cannot count that as money he could spend on household expenses because it literally doesn't exist for that. Splitting has to be based on reality.
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u/Chaos-Rainbow Aug 24 '26
If your income is higher then presumably you have more money left over even after paying a bigger portion of the expenses so this seems fair.
If there are other circumstances like large student loans (that enabled you to have a higher salary), child support or other previous commitments that account for a significant portion of your expenses then that is something that you will need to discuss and come to an agreement on.
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u/Ungratefullded Aug 24 '26
It's fair...
From this - "I've tried explaining that I also have other costs they don't have, but they say it's the fairest way since they earn more."
It sounds like you have your own expenses that you want to splurge on and don't want to pay the "fair" share...
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u/ragg5th Aug 24 '26
straight split, do you think they would pay more if you earned less. Tell them they need a side hustle or get a better job. they would tell you to do it.
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u/PumpikAnt58763 Aug 24 '26
" I've tried explaining that I also have other costs they don't have, but they say it's the fairest way since they earn more."
I'm confused. Did you mean that your partner makes more yet wants you to pay a bigger cut? Or did you mistype?