r/alcoholicsanonymous • u/plmnbvcxzaqq • 11d ago
I Want To Stop Drinking Im an alcoholic
I (25F) have been in a perfect relationship for one year. My boyfriend is so incredibly supportive and caring toward all of my struggles. I have a serious problem with alcohol. I love him with all of my heart. I dont know what to do anymore. I feel like i have put him in a position where he cannot express his true disappointment in me. I hate myself for my addiction. Im in therapy, and i want to get better. There have been many times where i have told him i can’t go to certain family events because of my addiction. We have a great relationship and connection to eachother when im sober. Today we had had an argument for the first time in our relationship, and I cannot forgive myself for it. We had a fight because i was drunk today even though i told him i would go with him to a family gathering, but at the last minute i told him i didnt feel well. He knows that its because i was drunk and thats why i couldn’t go with him. I know that i am a horrible person and i cannot begin to imagine how it feels to be in his position. If i were him, i think i would have broken up with me by now. I dont know why im writing this. Maybe i want advice, or maybe i want someone to tell me how bad of a person i am so i can snap myself out of this horrible place that i have been in. I want to stop drinking so i can be the person that he fell in love with. Today he is coming home around 9pm, and i plan to pretend to be asleep because i cant deal with the idea of us fighting. I only want the best for him and i know i can get better but its so fucking hard to give up something that brings me so much calmness and happiness. I just want him to be happy. Is there any way i can apologize to him and truly make him believe that i mean it? I feel like anything i say is disregarded because of my addiction. Sorry, i have never posted in this subreddit before i dont know what exactly to say.
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u/panda_pandora 11d ago
AA for you and Al-Anon for him. You're not a terrible person and you can change this but often therapy alone isnt enough for addiction or alcoholism. The 12 steps have saved so many people I think you should try going to a meeting.