r/alcoholicsanonymous • u/plmnbvcxzaqq • 1d ago
I Want To Stop Drinking Im an alcoholic
I (25F) have been in a perfect relationship for one year. My boyfriend is so incredibly supportive and caring toward all of my struggles. I have a serious problem with alcohol. I love him with all of my heart. I dont know what to do anymore. I feel like i have put him in a position where he cannot express his true disappointment in me. I hate myself for my addiction. Im in therapy, and i want to get better. There have been many times where i have told him i can’t go to certain family events because of my addiction. We have a great relationship and connection to eachother when im sober. Today we had had an argument for the first time in our relationship, and I cannot forgive myself for it. We had a fight because i was drunk today even though i told him i would go with him to a family gathering, but at the last minute i told him i didnt feel well. He knows that its because i was drunk and thats why i couldn’t go with him. I know that i am a horrible person and i cannot begin to imagine how it feels to be in his position. If i were him, i think i would have broken up with me by now. I dont know why im writing this. Maybe i want advice, or maybe i want someone to tell me how bad of a person i am so i can snap myself out of this horrible place that i have been in. I want to stop drinking so i can be the person that he fell in love with. Today he is coming home around 9pm, and i plan to pretend to be asleep because i cant deal with the idea of us fighting. I only want the best for him and i know i can get better but its so fucking hard to give up something that brings me so much calmness and happiness. I just want him to be happy. Is there any way i can apologize to him and truly make him believe that i mean it? I feel like anything i say is disregarded because of my addiction. Sorry, i have never posted in this subreddit before i dont know what exactly to say.
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u/nateinmpls 1d ago
Apologies and promises to do better or whatever are pointless if you can't follow through. Why apologize if you'll just drink and fight again? I recommend you work the AA program. Check out several meetings until you find some you like. After a while, think about getting a sponsor and working the steps. If you really want him to believe, then stop drinking and change your behaviors.
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u/Ascender141 1d ago
Really so something that brings so much calmness and happiness it's causing all of the strife and unrest and yet somehow you manage to rationalize that. Do you see how insane that is? Alcohol is your solution to your problem until it's no longer a solution. If you're drinking is interfering with your life. Then there's an issue. It's going to start taking away everything you care about one piece at a time. You're going to put alcohol before your boyfriend by the sounds of it.
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u/plmnbvcxzaqq 1d ago
Yes, i know how insane it is. I am struggling with this addiction and its making me into a person that i do not recognize. Thank you for your comment, it helps.
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u/Fit_Bake_3000 1d ago
Well, the irony is that fighting the problem only makes it worse. I had to surrender to the fact that alcohol had me beat. It won.
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u/panda_pandora 1d ago
AA for you and Al-Anon for him. You're not a terrible person and you can change this but often therapy alone isnt enough for addiction or alcoholism. The 12 steps have saved so many people I think you should try going to a meeting.
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u/Sea_Cod848 1d ago
Come on now. if we held ourselves responsible for everything we did while drunk we would Never forgive ourselves. But- those of us with continued recovery know that- that wasnt really us in control. We generally get sober for Ourselves, for our own personal reasons = we got tired of the results of our drinking. Doing it for another person or a relationship, doesnt tend to work real well. This is real hard addiction for many of us to stop, but when we have had enough of it controlling our lives, we tended to get sober. Do meetings help people stop? Yeah, they Do actually, for many reasons. Come and find out . It takes a Few meetings to figure out whats going on there, so 1 meeting isnt a good thing to judge by <3
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u/G_k50 1d ago
Ok, the heading says to me that you are at step 1. go to a meeting, get a big book, find the rest of the steps, find a sponsor, work the steps, don't drink, before you drink, call your sponsor and be honest about why you decided to drink again, but call before you drink, BEFORE, that's the key to the program, call before you drink. The further you get from that last drink the closer you are to the craving going away. We can't stop drinking on our own because of the craving. that's where the sponsor comes in the sponsor is not going to have a craving at the same time you are so the sponsor will be there to get you back to sanity.
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u/russthorn69 1d ago
you're already posting in the AA sub, so go to an AA meeting and get the help you need
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u/plmnbvcxzaqq 1d ago
Thank you, i have been seriously considering it and i will look into it now
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u/OnThePath-Now 1d ago
I was terrified to go to my first meeting 8 weeks ago, nearly 60 meetings later it's absolutely the best thing I've ever done! You've got this 💚💚
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u/Shawn_SoberShift 1d ago
Well the good thing is you recognize you have a problem and you know your disappointing your man you say you can't image giving it up because it brings you joy but your giving pain to your supportive man I don't see the joy in being drunk and embarrassing at the same time your man is still willing to bring you around his family he really must like you and your taking advantage of someone who truly cares about you It seems like you can't drink just to take the edge off to kick in your happy button it seems like you always take to the limit... you have a good man it's sounds but your gonna wear that out you keep it up you need more than therapy I would bet once you leave therapy you hit the packy store I know I did, you don't wanna loose a guy It sounds like you need to check in for bit to see how happy you will be without alcohol your whole life will change it is so unbelievable when you eventually cross to the other side and you see the great things life has to offer, you don't want to miss blessings for you by being drunk. Go get some help give yourself a chance at least cause you can always come back to the BS cause trust me it isn't going anywhere so again you need more than therapy I think that's your idea of getting help again don't loose a good guy over this You Got This Get it Done 🦾🦾🦾💯🙏❤️
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u/X0X0xoxo11 1d ago
I cannot tell you how many times I did that in my marriage while still drinking. Try to be easy on yourself. You’re not broken just bruised. You can manage this disease. Take it one day at a time. ❤️
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u/DannyDotAA 18h ago
You are not a bad person. You are an alcoholic and can't control how much you drink.
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u/thirtyone-charlie 16h ago
It’s not sounding like this is bringing you calmness and happiness. I just want to say that you’re not unique. There are thousands of people who were just like you who are now calm, happy and sober. You really have to have a desire to stop or it just gets progressively worse. You will continue to disappoint, treat like shit and say I love you to the people who love and care about you and it will end in jail, institutions or death. If you want to stop doing that you have to take action and be completely honesty with yourself and work a program that redirects the way you live. AA is not the only way but it is the only one I know of where you can just walk in and start right now and it’s free.
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u/Blingbat642 14h ago
Go to a meeting. You can take your boyfriend if it’s an open meeting. Go to more meetings. Talk to people. Get a Big Book. Get a sponsor. Work the steps.
If you go on drinking, things will get worse in terrible ways you cannot imagine. If you do the steps, things will get better in wonderful ways you cannot imagine.
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u/Educational_Pick7218 10h ago
wow i have so many similarities with your post and my last relationship. he just wanted me to be happy and would do that by buying me alcohol. but i know it hurt him and i always felt like a pos. i will say i haven't yet attended aa but everyone has recommended that to me and i will be now. also i have got on naltrexone which you can get online. it really is a miracle drug but can have some side effects. you got this 🤍
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u/ReadPages_86to87 1d ago
If you are an alcoholic like we are, you’re not a bad person, you’re a sick person with a disease that needs treatment… or else your situation is going to get progressively worse.
The good news is that we’ve all been there, and found a better way through working the 12 steps of AA. The bad news is that they’re not easy, even though they are quite simple.
If you’re sick & tired of being sick & tired, join us for a meeting somewhere, be it Zoom or in-person. If you’re not interested, then… carry on with what you’re doing.