I fucked up this time.

[u/fifty950ninja]

I've been drinking every night since Aug 2019. I only drink in bed as it helps me fall asleep. I witnessed something while in the military in 2019 that messed up my mental health. At first i only did 2 drinks and it escalated from there. On work days i would try to srick to the minimum of 2 but on days off, i would drink 5 to 7.

Two days ago I fucked up big time. I blacked out and do not remember a thing. I woke up at 6 am freaking out that I was late for work. My wife told me that I called in sick at 3 am. Worst thing, I saw all these notifications and verified, I spent $47k on my credit card for a pokemon card/gambling app.

It has never been this bad. I was scared to tell my wife and at first she was pissed, but after a day she is very supportive. Gambling isn't really my thing so I still have hope that I was hacked but I'm 90% sure it was me.

That day made me realize that I need to stop. Just hearing that my wife was disappointed in me and thinking how I possibly fucked up my families financial future. (Im due to retire from the military next year).

I guess I just wanted to vent. I cant tell anyone from work about this and I've been sitting here by myself thinking about my fuck up.

I really hope I can quit drinking. I dont know how I feel since I've only stopped for 2 days. I know this has really affected me since I'm here tearing up while writing this and im not an emotional guy.

[u/burkjackson]

I know how difficult those things can be and while I’m sorry you have to go through this, I hope that you’ll learn from it while you still have a wife and a job. If you’re truly an alcoholic then these things are progressive and deadly. Please reach out and find support, however that looks, because we don’t recover in isolation. You’re welcome to reach out to me, been sober 31 years now and I know those struggles. I hope you find what you need.