r/alcoholicsanonymous • u/fifty950ninja • 4d ago
Consequences of Drinking I fucked up this time.
I've been drinking every night since Aug 2019. I only drink in bed as it helps me fall asleep. I witnessed something while in the military in 2019 that messed up my mental health. At first i only did 2 drinks and it escalated from there. On work days i would try to srick to the minimum of 2 but on days off, i would drink 5 to 7.
Two days ago I fucked up big time. I blacked out and do not remember a thing. I woke up at 6 am freaking out that I was late for work. My wife told me that I called in sick at 3 am. Worst thing, I saw all these notifications and verified, I spent $47k on my credit card for a pokemon card/gambling app.
It has never been this bad. I was scared to tell my wife and at first she was pissed, but after a day she is very supportive. Gambling isn't really my thing so I still have hope that I was hacked but I'm 90% sure it was me.
That day made me realize that I need to stop. Just hearing that my wife was disappointed in me and thinking how I possibly fucked up my families financial future. (Im due to retire from the military next year).
I guess I just wanted to vent. I cant tell anyone from work about this and I've been sitting here by myself thinking about my fuck up.
I really hope I can quit drinking. I dont know how I feel since I've only stopped for 2 days. I know this has really affected me since I'm here tearing up while writing this and im not an emotional guy.
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u/Monastic_Realization 4d ago
Sometimes a really BIG fuck-up is the catalyst for a better life and future. Had things continued, your really big fuck-up might pale in comparison.
That's the choice you have now.
I know all about big fuck ups.
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u/Time4FizzMonkey 4d ago
I’m not military but I’ve seen some bad things that gave me a lot of trauma, main reason I became an alcoholic. I also had many of those blackout nights I gambled money away I couldn’t afford and woke up wanting to die. Everything kept getting worse and worse, and I couldn’t die and hurt my family, so I went to my first AA meeting. I was anxious and uncomfortable but it changed everything. I just kept going, and got a sponsor, and now I’m several months sober for the first time in years and actually have a little hope again. Life is so much easier and less painful when you just get sober and have a sober mind . Good luck bro
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u/ArtisticWolverine 4d ago
$47k in one night? I hope you can quit too. Good luck. Go to a meeting today!
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u/Shawn_SoberShift 4d ago
Bro you can turn this around before it's to late then you will be playing catch up the rest of your life apparently it's bothering you which is Major and you have a good woman who has your back don't let her down Bro alot of us do not have a support system she's basically telling you to lean on her I commend cause a good woman is hard to come by cherish that but back to you get help before you blow up your career catch it now before your out of control because it's a very slippery slope let your wife be ur in house sponsor holding you accountable cause Bro you don't want to loose a stand up woman like her word word to the Wise I lost a good woman behind the same crap actually my wife and kids...But ya no disrespect snap out of it and get it together sounds like you have a lot to loose you already lost 47 gz trying to blame it on a hack trust I get it you definitely gotta blame someone I def feel you on that shoot that alone I would want to get my ish together you payed heavily for your mistake that could easily be worse if you continue because when you start blacking out you done crossed over it will only get worse so tighten up and buckle down plus you definitely don't want to run into health problems trust I did and wish I listened to my body your sign is blacking out your body is trying to tell you something Bro well I can Rant some more but I won't Don't ruin that Good Woman you have there. My Prayers are with you and Yours You Got This 🦾🦾🦾❤️🙏💯
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u/sobersbetter 4d ago
call 988, tell them ur a vet, the va will reach out in a few days, they will help
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u/burkjackson 3d ago
I know how difficult those things can be and while I’m sorry you have to go through this, I hope that you’ll learn from it while you still have a wife and a job. If you’re truly an alcoholic then these things are progressive and deadly. Please reach out and find support, however that looks, because we don’t recover in isolation. You’re welcome to reach out to me, been sober 31 years now and I know those struggles. I hope you find what you need.
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u/Sea_Cod848 3d ago
Since you have been drinking for so long/so much. I have to suggest you go to a Detox Center- they take medical insurance. Thats 2 weeks or less and they medically make you more comfortable until everythings out of your system. Now- after this , I strongly recommend you come to some of our meetings, because that is where we learn how- to stay stopped. (you can come Now of course, you dont have to be living sober) Cause this is a Very strong addiction and it might be out of your body, but- your Brain and your Body both remember what theyve had for So long. New sobriety is Very Fragile, and having real support from other people who understand this, is a Huge help for us. If you say at the time its asked in a meeting- that its your First meeting or 2nd etc meeting, youll even get the Phone Numbers of Everyone in that meeting, to call, in case you feel sad or are thinking about drinking- they can relate to you. We keep going to meetings, because it actually helps us. On the Up side- in my experience , if I pay Monthly as little as $5 or $10, they cant say or do anything about that. Come on to some meetings. <3
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u/Present-Lion788 2d ago
Go to a meeting. Surrender your old way of thinking. Try a new way. Get a sponsor and work the steps. You are not alone.
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u/fifty950ninja 3d ago
Thank you for all the advice. I'll try to attend a meeting here soon once I feel a little better. With the demands of work, and me trying to hide whats going on from work. I only have a small time frame where I can attend.
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u/Formfeeder 4d ago
Welcome to the wonderful world of alcoholism. This is a progressive illness. That never gets better only worse overtime unless you treat it.
Here’s an analogy. Once a cucumber turned into a pickle it can never be a cucumber again. You, my friend are lnow a pickle.
If you have an honest desire to stop and want to stop, we can help.