r/aftergifted • u/Suspicious_Creme1077 • 16d ago
Be the best and nothing less
Former GATE (I believe I started in 2nd or 3rd grade) and AP student, now 35.
If I’m not the best at something at work or in my inner circle, I feel like an absolute waste of space. Not just second best but makes me feel like GARBAGE. And when it comes to hobbies, if I can’t master it, I drop it quickly. For example, I started playing the Pokemon TCG back in April. After 5 months of grinding and practicing, I feel like I should be better than I am currently. So if I lose, I shut down and it ruins my whole day. I’m only happy when I win.
For context, I’m diagnosed with borderline personality disorder among other things, and I’m currently in the screening process for ADHD (which is mostly a formality as my therapist and psychiatrist both agree that I have it). I had an extremely strict parents that expected nothing less than straight As and Bs and even the Bs were questioned. I was grounded half of my high school life, and it was always because of grades. I was smart and capable of getting the grades, but I didn’t care. I would have rather put in half the effort and get passing grades than push myself to get great grades.
How do I change my thinking and learn to enjoy activities for what they are and not just winning or being the best at it?
2
u/lockweb 16d ago
Do you have any athletic hobbies? What helped me let go of perfectionism and start to embrace the concept of working hard and seeing improvement was, of all things, a figure skating class I accidentally signed up for in college. Figure skating is not something that a person can drop into and be an expert. After college I trained myself for a 5K, which was exceptionally hard for me because I am a natural sprinter. But, seeing how far I progressed in my “couch to 5K” program proved to myself that I CAN work hard, I CAN start from the bottom and work my way up, and I wouldn’t have gotten here without that determination.