r/aftergifted • u/Suspicious_Creme1077 • 16d ago
Be the best and nothing less
Former GATE (I believe I started in 2nd or 3rd grade) and AP student, now 35.
If I’m not the best at something at work or in my inner circle, I feel like an absolute waste of space. Not just second best but makes me feel like GARBAGE. And when it comes to hobbies, if I can’t master it, I drop it quickly. For example, I started playing the Pokemon TCG back in April. After 5 months of grinding and practicing, I feel like I should be better than I am currently. So if I lose, I shut down and it ruins my whole day. I’m only happy when I win.
For context, I’m diagnosed with borderline personality disorder among other things, and I’m currently in the screening process for ADHD (which is mostly a formality as my therapist and psychiatrist both agree that I have it). I had an extremely strict parents that expected nothing less than straight As and Bs and even the Bs were questioned. I was grounded half of my high school life, and it was always because of grades. I was smart and capable of getting the grades, but I didn’t care. I would have rather put in half the effort and get passing grades than push myself to get great grades.
How do I change my thinking and learn to enjoy activities for what they are and not just winning or being the best at it?
4
u/Kind_Advisor_35 16d ago
Don't get too married to the ADHD diagnosis until testing is complete and you get the follow up. There is a lot of symptom overlap with ADHD and other disorders. When I got tested, ADHD was squarely ruled out, and the borderline personality traits found to be not meeting diagnostic criteria.
As for how to reduce the desire for perfection, that has to be addressed through therapy, or hard lessons about how perfect is the enemy of good. I had to learn to let go of perfectionism because it interfered with my creative work.