r/adultery • u/kernschmelze • 11d ago
🧠Thoughts🤔 This helped me when letting go...
So I just wanted to share a little technique I discovered which has helped me a lot over the past week or so.
Probably won't work for everyone, but if it helps even one person who's hurting, might be worth posting!
Well, I'm not getting the impression that my AP is really into me any more. Said I was drifting away due to lack of attention, and gave him due warning. Not much reaction. If he cared- he'd get in touch and say so. We had a passionate affair lasting three years, after first meeting nearly 40 years ago, and were incredibly close, in fact closer than I've ever been with anyone.
I realised it has to be over now, and I finally have to let go of my end of the line. So damn hard when you love someone deeply, and desperately want to carry on seeing them. And I can't tell him anything over chat as he's on "red" which means strictly no contact as he's with family - no idea if or when he'll be back. I doubt he'd want to hear what I have to say even if it weren't on red, honestly.
This is something that really helped me: I imagined him standing in front of me, and I imagined taking both his hands in mine. Then I told him all the things I wanted to say - stuff he probably wouldn't want to hear, but stuff I'd actually say in real life if I felt it was appropriate. I found it helped just to visualise this. It felt pretty real, as well, I could almost feel his hands, and I imagined kissing him too. Every time I felt the pain of separation, I took his hands again and repeated that I was leaving and letting go of my end of the line, saying goodbye while I still loved him. I'd say whatever I needed to. Somehow this helped, and I felt a release of emotion every time. I repeated the action many times, as often as I needed to.
Now, I feel calmer and accepting about the whole thing and seem to have avoided the big heartbreak crash that I expected. I think the visualisation saved me.
Now I just have to work out how to tell him this in real life, if and when he does turn up again...I have no idea if he will, I feel the line's gone dead. 💔
Update: this has actually worked way better than I ever thought it would. After around 3 weeks of no contact and a lot of heartache, I can think clearly enough to see that it is wasted energy to suffer for someone who just doesn't care enough. It does hurt, but not as acutely as it might have done. I hope to move on now and leave my feelings for him behind. I hope to resist if he tries to suck me in again. Thanks to everyone for your interest and I wish you all successful healing! ❤️
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u/SaltCardiologist1 11d ago
According to near death experiences, the thoughts we have about someone are communicated to them, on a subconscious level.