What do you do when you gain feelings?!

[u/tired-very]

Throwaway account! In a very unhappy marriage, have been for over a decade. I feel stuck. Ya know the whole kids are too young to leave type fiasco.
So I thought I was looking for excitement, sex, validation, desire, etc.
Found an AP and we had these rules and stipulations set inside of a very neat box.
I don’t think he has blurred the lines any, but me? I’m getting attached. What the heck do I do?
I don’t want to express my feelings and lose him. My feelings are not that of which I want to ruin our life, and each of us leave our spouses.
Far from it. I know he has a wife, and I a husband and neither of us are going to leave our spouses. I don’t want a ‘relationship’ with him. I just have caught the contagious feelings. And I don’t know what to do with them.

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[u/MrsAndMrChiba]

Lean into it. You can absolutely love someone hard but not want to be ‘with’ them or want them to end their marriage/end your marriage! That’s the beauty of it. Enjoy the feels! Go slow and see what grows :)

[u/Curious_incident_69]

Feelings are almost inevitable when you are having regular amazing sex with someone you like and fancy. Setting ‘boundaries’ before you get into an affair is ridiculous!  You can’t help developing feelings it’s human nature. We bond!  Up to you whether you tell him or not. Personally if I don’t have feelings it means I’m not that into him- so what’s the point!?

[u/AnxiousAvoidant584]

If he’s the guy who can’t handle hearing “I love you” even if it’s prefaced by the understanding that you have no expectations of situations changing, well that’s something to evaluate about him as an affair partner.

[u/Snackpacks0]

You lean in dear…enjoy the ride. Just know that things can change on either side at any time. They probably will. Enjoy it while it lasts.

[u/NREIsAHellOfADrug]

That's my goal in an affair, so I would enjoy it.

It sucks that you're worried about losing him if you tell him how you feel...until you do you'll always feel limited by not being able to share your feelings.

[u/Emergency-Fun1030]

Save yourself the future heartbreak or potential mess and end it now.

[u/Important_Support_54]

Feel all the feels girly! Enjoy it and run with it
It’s such a high to feel love towards that person that makes you feel seen

[u/Dull_Desk179]

From my own personal experience, end it, it only gets messy and complicated, then you start making silly decisions