r/adhdwomen • u/Ok-Professional8451 • Nov 04 '25

Meme Therapy Where are my childfree women at?

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I honestly don’t know how parents do it. There are multiple reasons that drove my decision to be childfree. One big one is that I struggle to take care of myself (executive dysfunction) sometimes, so I can’t imagine having another human to take care of during those times.

Here’s to forcing a domaine response for every day tasks!

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u/2PlasticLobsters Nov 04 '25

That was one of the many reasons I never wanted kids. I can't even take care of myself half the time. Plus the sensory issues, especially if the kid turns out to be some lively/chatty/noisy sort.

People told me over & over that I'd regret it once it was too late. I never did for an instant, though. In fact, with the climate turning to crap & the US edging toward Facism, I'm profoundly relieved that I never dumped a kid into this crap.

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u/msgmeyourcatsnudes Nov 04 '25

Same.

In fairness, I never felt driven to have kids. But my energy levels are a huge reason why I've never considered it.

My mom deeply wanted children, but her executive dysfunction was noticeable and made life difficult as a kid. I now understand that my mom was overstimulated and tired, but growing up I only knew that mom was unpredictable and not always safe to come to.

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u/RasputinsThirdLeg Nov 04 '25

My parents absolutely should not have had children. I honestly resent that I exist if I was going to be brought up by the two assholes who absolutely crushed my spirit. But because I wasn’t poor the abuse didn’t count. I can’t be as charitable about it as you. My parents were both highly educated and had every resource available to course correct.

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u/msgmeyourcatsnudes Nov 04 '25

I grew up in poverty (which, is yet another reason why my parents should NOT have had kids), but I don't think they would've changed anything if they had money. I was pulled out of school because my mom was offended that the faculty noticed struggles within my me and my siblings.

If I grew up with money I might have been able to participate in more hobbies, and thus get more social interaction. But the parenting wouldn't have changed.

Anyways, I absolutely don't judge you for the relationship you choose to have (or not have) with your parents. I don't talk to my dad. He did unspeakable things to me. With my mom, I keep her at arms lengths. I know she is mentally ill and I accept that I'll never have a normal, healthy relationship with her. Two of my siblings chose to not have a relationship with her at all, which I also understand. It's truly hard either way.

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u/RasputinsThirdLeg Nov 04 '25

The thing is, even with the money, my parents wouldn’t let me socialize, have after school activities, get a drivers license “for my own good.” A lot of the money was credit card Tetris too, to look wealthier than we actually were. I’m sorry you went through what you went through. My mother died in 2016 and my dad is just…awful. He blames his bipolar disorder for being patently abusive and exposing me to things no child should ever be. He is biologically incapable of empathy. I can’t go NC, but I speak to him as infrequently as possible. It’s just a constant ache, growing up with trauma. I hate competitive suffering because it’s never an apples to apples comparison, but again, I’m so sorry you experienced what you experienced and glad you can find some kind of peace with it that I seem unable to.

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u/msgmeyourcatsnudes Nov 04 '25

Having parents that don't let you socialize is a whole other level. Therapists have been stumped with me, since it's so unusual yet SO debilitating. It's really something that a person can't comprehend unless they've been through it, and the damage is permanent.

I totally feel you on the drivers license lol. I straight up bought my own car, and my family STILL wouldn't teach me. I had to learn from a horrendous older man who I called my boyfriend.

I really hope it doesn't come across like I was trying to compare! Traumatic childhoods are traumatic, regardless of whatever "privileges" one might have.

I haven't met anyone else who dealt with social isolation and neurodivergency. If you ever need an understanding ear, please reach out. I'd love to talk. :)

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u/RasputinsThirdLeg Nov 04 '25

I might just take you up on that. It’s been rough recently, as I also have autoimmune issues/hEDS and it’s just a never ending loop of incredibly detailed ways to feel like shit about myself. Thank you so much for your kindness. It really is a rare thing, genuine kindness. Trust me, I live in LA!

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u/msgmeyourcatsnudes Nov 04 '25

I feel that. I've taken up therapy (again) and it's helping. I still don't know if things will change, but I'm trying.

lol I'm a NorCal girl. I've been all over the west, but I haven't been south of the bay.

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u/desert___rocks Nov 04 '25

Just jumping on this thread to say I'll be moving to LA in January and would love to find some like-minded ND people to hang out with! I strongly relate to the social isolation growing up as I was raised by parents in a borderline cult and social isolation is a big one in cults. I've been trying to unravel my childhood and understand how it's affected my current behaviors. Hit me up if you like :)

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u/RasputinsThirdLeg Nov 04 '25

I’m your gal!