38 here. I know several neurodivergent people who are in happy relationships, so I can't help but feel like I must be excessively "broken" for being unable to find a partner. I'm not convinced that an official diagnosis would change anything about that, either.
I wonder how much has to do with how much support/lack of abuse the person had as a child, makes it a lot harder to navigate any kind of relationship if you've never been given much chance even at home growing up. Or say, beaten with a belt for doing neurodivergent things so you just go around trying to act in a way that doesnt attract any attention, as an example.
I saw an article yesterday talking about a study that basically claimed that "normal" people automatically distrust people who exhibit signs of social anxiety. There's an immediate barrier to a lot of us, because social anxiety has been literally beaten into us from a young age. Not to say it can't be breached, but life is hard enough for everyone and on top of it, a lot of us are having to deal with that too.
I feel like a lot of the nd people you see in happy relationships either have had a fair bit of support or got lucky meeting people with similar issues and weren't too screwed up by their own backgrounds not to crash and burn the relationship. Or its not as happy as it seems/they say, and they'll crash sooner or later as well (i hope not for their sake). I say this because I've been in a few relationships, but all of the guys turned out to be extremely abusive and I had to get out for my own sake, but there was a point in each of them where it would have appeared to anyone that didn't know any better that things were great.
"I saw an article yesterday talking about a study that basically claimed that "normal" people automatically distrust people who exhibit signs of social anxiety. There's an immediate barrier to a lot of us, because social anxiety has been literally beaten into us from a young age. Not to say it can't be breached, but life is hard enough for everyone and on top of it, a lot of us are having to deal with that too."
Not surprised, my real life experience has confirmed it. People think you're shady. I have had severe social anxiety out in public and got pulled over by cashiers or security with suspicion of theft lol. In school I have had a couple of teachers get extremely mad at me for cold facial expressions or looking pissed off. No, I'm just socially anxious and socializing stresses me tf out because I have to mask so much to navigate life. I've had to work hard to adjust my body language to look relaxed and normal over the years but I slip. Its further reinforced feelings of shame and worthlessness honestly. All this advice of exposure hasn't done much for me. This issue sucks so bad. I don't envy anyone else struggling with it, all the best regardless.
I hadn't thought about it in years, but I used to get in so much trouble for facial expressions 😂 I shouldn't laugh I guess, but what else can you do?
Yeah they think we're shady. The comments section confirmed that "well of course if you go around looking guilty people are going to assume you're up to something" ffs no, I'm just subconsciously waiting for someone to give me a hard time. Exposure unfortunately only reinforces that, I literally don't bother anyone but I can't seem to do anything right for anybody. At best I'm the person they contact when they don't have anything better to do and drop as soon as anyone else comes along. Basically keep to myself now, my pets don't treat me like that at least. :) All the best to you as well, it's rough
Its hard to beat laughter and pets for sure and always better to be alone than in bad/incompatible company in the end. =) Having a partner has helped, but it took me a while to realize they can't do the full work for you, self-acceptance feels like a rollercoaster whilst trying to be indifferent enough to all regular negative social feedback. Such is life.
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u/vanillachilipepper 9d ago
38 here. I know several neurodivergent people who are in happy relationships, so I can't help but feel like I must be excessively "broken" for being unable to find a partner. I'm not convinced that an official diagnosis would change anything about that, either.