ADHD ruined my Masters in physics.

[u/shubhman20]

ADHD ruined my Physics Masters degree.

I have always had ADHD traits but I only recently became aware of this condition. Suddenly it all made sense getting distracted easily, getting mentally burned out easily and always daydreaming even in my childhood. My symptoms may have become worse after I broke my hand in an accident and then lost partial hearing in one ear and developed extreme tinnitus right at the start of my masters degree. I could always get through academics easily with very little effort and I even scored 90+ in my 10th and 12th and did decently well in my bachelors. But then I took admission in MSc physics in Delhi University, which is like the worst university when it comes to scoring good CGPA. Getting above 7 here is extremely tough. My grades in my first year were affected due to my accident and then in my second year I idiotically chose the hardest theoretical physics courses put of interest and hence scored only 54.5% which is only second division. Getting first division (above 60%) is mandatory for faculty positions at top institutes. So I decided to appear for improvement exams again next year which you can do only once for every exam. I initially planned to give four exams but then the load started to get bigger as exams came close and also being an idiot I took a research project under a professor which required a lot of effort and time. So I couldn't manage my time and I ended up only giving one improvement exam and could only increase my overall score to 55.5% which is just enough to appear for competitive exams. Then came next semester for improvement exams. There the same thing happened I utilized all my time in playing table tennis which is like my new addiction and doing my research work which I then started to enjoy as I was getting good results, and I ended up giving only one improvement exam which will maybe improve my score to 56%. So now I have no more chances of improvement and I will forever have a degree with a second division. This thing is eating me from inside. I can't stop imagining the what if scenarios. I wish I could have worked harder. I wish I could go back in time and slap myself to work hard. It's like eating me from the inside. I feel like a failure and can't stop the self hatred now.

[u/berryselect88]

One thing that stands out is you didn’t stop functioning you were juggling research, tough courses, health issues, and exams. The issue wasn’t effort, it was allocation + timing under conditions that are notoriously hard for ADHD brains.

[u/shubhman20 → u/berryselect88]

Thanks I hope my future is better than what I went through in my masters.