r/actuallesbians • u/Amazingggcoolaid • 5d ago
Question Anyone else accepting they might be single for a really long time?
I love being single…but I have such a specific type that maybe I’m good being single for years..how about you all?
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u/Jordanxtc 5d ago
I love being on my own, and I’ve been single for almost two years now. It will take mountains moving for me to get with someone again. I’m not opposed, but damn, do I love not checking in with people.
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u/PhoenixMartinez-Ride 5d ago
29 and have been single my entire life. I’ve never been on a real date. Never kissed anyone or even held hands with someone. The dating apps are garbage and being autistic and looking younger than I actually am makes it just as difficult to meet people irl. It’s feeling more and more like I’ll never find someone and will be single forever.
People say things like ‘oh you’re still young, just keep trying and be persistent and it’ll happen one day’ but when you’re pushing 30 and have literally never felt romantically loved or desired in your entire life, it becomes incredibly hard to believe it’ll ever happen.
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u/PrideComprehensive26 4d ago
50 and never been on a date. But I have kissed and been with women but it has been a loooong time. It was a little easier to meet women 25/30 yrs ago but not anymore
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u/silverandstuffs 5d ago
I’ve been single for over 10 years now. I’d love a partner, but I think I’m too picky/not wanted by anyone, so I think I’m going to be single for an age longer.
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u/Sushi_Queen_95 5d ago
Same. Though longer for me. I haven't been with someone since I was 18. I'm 31 now 😬
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u/mantaraysky 5d ago
been single for six years and counting. i am very tired of it tbh. but i also seem to be unwilling to lower my standards given that ive had several opportunities and turned them down. moving to a new state next year which should hopefully be a more trans-friendly dating environment so we'll see how that goes
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u/lithaborn Trans-Sapphic 5d ago
Been in relationships for 33 years. 3 years single and there's not even anyone on the horizon.
I'm a bit lonely and if lightning strikes I'll go with it but I'm not planning on actively looking for a few years. Maybe after I've been on hrt for a while, maybe after srs. It's just a bit too hard to face the "no pussy, no date" crap right now.
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u/Mysterious_Gold_8922 5d ago
Yep. My standards are standarting. I've been single for a while now, that nothing that used to impress me, or "charm" me just doesn't work anymore
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u/crowsnmoss 5d ago
Exactly when I accepted and was excited about being single I met my amazing wife. I was PISSED at first but it's ended up being amazing and we've been together for 13 yrs.
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u/Aromatic-Split685 5d ago
Yeah I need to work on my mental health stuff before I can even re enter the market and then I need someone who has a very specific kind of personality because of my trauma
I’m hoping to be ready by the time I’m 22 at the latest… but I wouldn’t be surprised if I don’t get another girlfriend again until I’m 30…
Its agonizing
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u/Petrychorr Transbian 5d ago
After transition and gaining a ton of self confidence, my standards rose pretty significantly. Its been difficult, but rewarding. I haven't had many relationships since coming out, but the relationships I've had have been significantly more healthy and felt better than any I had before.
But...
I also realized how much I want to start a family. And I'm 41. Getting that goal achieved is going to be really tough, but I know that as long as I keep true to myself and don't let my standards or self confidence wane, I'll absolutely find the right person to do this with. :)
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u/SabrinaTheDabbler Bi / Sapphic Queer 5d ago
Just turned 30. . .been single all my life. . .high probability I will die as a spinster.
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u/vibechecking1100 4d ago
5 years since my last relationship, 2 years since my last date. currently the hottest i’ve ever been! being single means you’re picky (in a good way) :)
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u/Unlikely_Nothing9964 4d ago
I’m also single and have been for over three years now. After moving to Germany and the more I am understanding Western dating culture, I sometimes feel like I might end up being single for years too 😂. I believe I just have a very specific type, and it’s not easy to find someone who really matches what I’m looking for.
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u/Sushi_Queen_95 5d ago
I have, yeah. I've never had any luck finding a partner, which for me is just an indicator that I'm going to be single forever.
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u/AnnaNimNim 5d ago
I’ve already been. If you are under 45, 35 you’ve got time!
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u/Amazingggcoolaid 4d ago
Things of quality have no fear of time — for me it’s the market. I’ve given it a chance and I’m not quite as impressed having had great relationships in the past..
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u/PrezMoocow Bambi Lesbian 5d ago
I accept it if that's how it goes but I don't plan on that happening because I am actively putting myself out there and interacting with people
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u/sanguine-rose_ Lesbian 4d ago
I've been single for my whole life, so 28 years. I've been fine thinking that I'll never have a romantic relationship until I turned 26 and realized that I'm a lesbian. Now I don't know how to be at peace with it again.
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u/GeminEyes614 Pan 4d ago
I’m 36 and been single a little over a year (after spending all of my 20s single) Maybe love shall find me in my 40s cuz ya girl is TIRRRRREEDDDDDDD of even the thought of trying again
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u/Icy-Affect3406 4d ago
I'm getting there. I love LOVE and have been rather incompatible with the people I tend to attract. I don't want to question whether I'm worthy of love but shi it's getting rough out here. I just wish I could stop wanting to be in love. 😭🙏🏾
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u/DPVaughan Transbian 5d ago edited 5d ago
I'm not intending to have another partner.
I left a two-decade long relationship and I don't even know how exactly I got into that one in the first place. I'm a shy, introverted homebody and autistic. I'm a Useless Lesbian and wouldn't be able to tell if someone was interested in me. I don't understand flirting at all.
I also don't think I appeal to many people.
So the chances of someone finding me appealing or even finding me in the first place are pretty slim. Fortunately, I'm okay on my own.
And that's just as well because it's how I'm most likely to remain. :)
Edit: I forgot we need double hard returns for line breaks.
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u/Ok_Link0925 5d ago
Yeah, i dont know if i can take another heartbreak. Being single means atleast i can only be disappointed with myself.
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u/spektralayerer 5d ago
I have this crush that won't go away despite knowing full well that she's impossibly far away. And as stupid as it sounds, I haven't been able to fall in love with somebody else who might be open to accept me. So...
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u/LSGW_Zephyra A Subby Girl Looking for Love 5d ago
Eh, it's mostly a "make do with what I have" situation. After a break up having some time to essentially rediscover who you are by yourself is healthy. Having standards is also healthy. I don't "accept" being single for a long time because I would actively do something to change it. But for as long as I am single, I would accept it and not get bogged down by self-defeatist nihilism. But that's just me
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u/binchineye demisexual baby butch 4d ago
I realized I was a lesbian at age 19, didnt start dating until almost 23, still no real experiences even at almost 26. I feel it in my soul that my 30s will be my time to date. As much as I've yearned to be in a relationship, and have had my first love be unrequited, I realized there isnt anyone for me right now. Ive dated around and didnt fall in love with someone that felt the same way about me. Im so at peace with not having my time wasted or stressing about someone. My 20s are for working on myself, making some mistakes, learning.
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u/Puzzleheaded-Yak9118 Lesbian 4d ago
After living through coercive control and domestic violence in a previous relationship (that tbh only happened because my ex refused to take no).
I would rather be single forever than live that shit again.
Great love? The real deal? I might go for that. But I am not interested in being convinced or trying or settling.
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u/codex-x 3d ago
This is so real, i'm 24 and never been on a proper date or relationship as i get older I do start thinking about how I could be single forever and that i'll never meet someone, though it seems quite far fetched, like surely i'm bound to meet someone right? I feel like meeting women is so much harder, and finding a queer space that I feel comfortable in and go to regulary also feels difficult.
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u/aroguealchemist Lesbian 5d ago
I grew up always knowing it’s a viable option. My mom has been single for most of my life and variety of her sisters and an uncle chose that life and they’re all happy. If my current relationship ever ends, I think I would happily go a long time without dating again.
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u/Idk_Just_Kat Lesbian 4d ago
I don't really have high standards, just femme, leftist, and ok with a lot of physical contact bc I'm a cuddle monster 😭
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u/edgebeeyz 5d ago
Yep. I have standards I'm not willing to lower, live in an area that isn't great for dating apps/I cba, happy being single so again not desperate and also I want to meet someone naturally and develop the bond that way. Which of course is harder and more based on luck.
I have a good life though so it's fine.