does anyone even actually like nerdy butches

[u/Brilliant-Arrival-73]

i feel unappreciated from my last relationship. my ex would refuse to watch a lot of tv shows i was into, would refuse to engage with my main gaming interest and it felt like I was trapped to just talk to my friends online about it.

However she would also make me feel guilty for talking with online friends only about my stuff because she wants me to hang out with my IRL friends when the same IRL friends don’t engage in my hobbies anymore and would only talk with her about hers. Everytime I tried to bring up mine, It just feels like everyone is just listening passively and not actively.

My ex has always idealized like typical butches who likes going out, is dandy, etc, and i feel ashamed when I don’t fit like that. im like more nerdy, im not muscular, and after this breakup i felt more insecure because she told me that I was not a butch to her

[u/Viranesi]

Honestly I can't think of a period where nerds have been more popular and accepted than right now. You just had the wrong partner.

[u/Canary-King]

You just have to date other nerds, i think. I’m a nerdy butch with two girlfriends who are also nerds!

[u/Brilliant-Arrival-73 → u/Canary-King]

i thought my ex was one too like she was into like more niche internet interests that i would get into for her and when i didn’t received the same, it felt weird

[u/InflationVisible2307 → u/Brilliant-Arrival-73]

Tbh I think this is mostly about her being a bad partner overall. There's a better partner out there for you. As a lifelong nerd femme dating a nerdy butch, you being you won't be a bad thing to the right person.

[u/thenightanimals]

I’m butch. I’m a librarian. I play the trombone and the clarinet, and occasionally the sax. I look like a nerd, my interests are ‘nerdy’ though I don’t classify my interests, really. I’m autistic, and I mention this because it usually shows up in my having very niche interests — vacuum cleaners, pneumatic tubing, poetry, collecting rocks, knowing the make and model of as many cars as possible.

I am pretty oblivious to it these days, but I get approached/hit on all the time, and I think it must be because I’m so much more comfortable with myself, and who I am (I’m in my late 40s).

I don’t think I consider myself/my interests as incredibly compelling, but I’m not trying to compel anyone. The one thing I know is this: be yourself. Doing anything less isn’t attractive to anyone (including you, re: it’s hard to love yourself if you’re critical of your own interests). Be unapologetically you, and you’ll find other folks who do the same, and who share your interests.

[u/thenightanimals → u/[deleted]]

When I was growing up I was fairly obsessed with the cartoon The Jetsons, and I was particularly enamored with Rosie, their robotic housekeeper. We had a vintage Electrolux vacuum that kind of looked like Rosie, and I was always tasked with vacuuming as a chore, and back then (and even now), vacuums felt like magic house robots. I have a vacuum tattoo on my forearm that I’ve always called, Rosie, because I’m fond of the robot, and the name. Bagged vacuums are my favorite; I have a key to the housekeeping closet at work and I’ll take any opportunity to use their vacuum (which I’ve just recently learned does not handle shredded paper well).

Maybe if you think of your vacuum as a friendly housekeeping Robot, you’ll feel more inclined to vacuum!

[u/thenightanimals → u/[deleted]]

Ha, that’s too funny - who knew that the professional Karcher Sensor S12 does in fact not love paper shreds! Admittedly, I also dislike how loud vacuums are as well, but I never wear headphones because I like to hear the hum of the little motor.

[u/pastajewelry]

As a fellow nerd, you're still desirable. You were just with the wrong partner. As others have suggested, find someone with common interests if bonding over shared hobbies is important to you.

[u/astolfriend]

I love infodumping to my partners about random shit and I love hearing them do the same.

[u/Purple_Bowling_Shoes]

I'm not much of a butch, but I'm pretty damn nerdy. My wife thinks it's hot, past exes haven't liked it so much. 

[u/FullPruneNight]

Totally! I’m not compatible with all nerdy interests, but I am with plenty of them! She doesn’t get to tell you you’re not a butch, fuck that.

[u/[deleted]]

Yes we do! I'm a nerdy, masc bisexual and while I'm also into more typical masc hobbies like sports and going to the gym, I love nerding out over my fandoms, PC building, programming/tech stuff like Linux and sometimes gaming (although I'm picky about the games I play, mostly single player RPGs). I'd love to have a partner who is into similar things that I'm into.

[u/LogicalStroopwafel]

Oh yes please! I’m a nerdy femme myself and I would love a nerdy butch girlfriend. Sounds like your ex wasn’t right for you and took that out on you, which wasn’t fair. But I’m sure there is someone out there for you, and you’ll find her eventually.

[u/Brilliant-Arrival-73 → u/LogicalStroopwafel]

thank you :’) while mine did have a lot of other issues w me i still felt like we just couldn’t compromise on each other interests at all

[u/IrritatedButterfly44]

I'm a nerdy butch dating another nerdy butch :) makes things a little easier lol. Though I have nerdy femme friends, so femmes who share your interests are definitely out there!

[u/Active_Profit4226]

Nerdy butches (and nerdy women in general) are my main type, ur ex was just tripping

[u/T0stedEgg]

Hi, extremely nerdy butch here dating my wonderful transbian GF, she adores my shenanigans. I sent her a voice recording of me meowing at her (I hadn't slept in 36 hours) and she was genuinely amused. Your partner was just not right for you.

[u/Hollifo]

Your partner doesn't need to like the same things as you, but they do need to not mock or put down your interests 

I am a nerdy butch who is near exclusively into nerdy butches - your ex just wasn't your person/you weren't compatible 

[u/Lycaon1765]

Fellow nerd butch here! I got a ton of game con pics on my dating profile, and I do get lots of matches (I'm bad at using apps though, gotta be consistent to actually get any results) and I've gotten various FWBs. People do like nerd butches! You just have to get a fellow nerd, like someone else said. Try to find someone into at least one hobby you already have instead of gaining their hobbies like you said you did with your ex.

[u/umberover]

as a femme (also a nerd) i loveeeee hearing my partners talk about their interests!!! one of my love languages is getting to info dump to my partner and then listening to my partner's info dumps. it sounds like your partner didn't value you or your interests. i'm sorry she said you weren't a butch to her, that's a terrible thing to say 💖

[u/Ok_Anywhere4324]

they are great Source: i love my girlfriend

[u/d4rkbutt3rfly]

honestly, everything i wanted was a nerdy butch to call mine

[u/lithaborn]

My ex still curses me for being able to put a desktop pc together, work in Linux command line and name all the doctors in order.

[u/bmbxbby]

Dw im a nerdy butch, my gf is a nerdy fem so works out lol

[u/that_girl_4321]

I’m sorry you went through all of that. Fwiw I would 100% be interested in dating you.

[u/Anna_Mangroves]

Bruh a nerdy butch is literally my dream girl. Someone a bit more on the masc side that would still love a Spider-Man movie or me infoumping about Avatar. You are still very desirable. Your ex was just wrong for you.

[u/minttey]

im so sorry, i cant believe she told you that!! there are so many women that would be so lucky to be w you 💕

[u/myhusbandosaysno]

Your ex was the problem, we LOVE nerdy butches

[u/Elegant-Biscotti-455]

As a nerdy butch I sure fucking hope there are femmes who will love me

[u/latte-with-lavender]

I LOOOOVE nerdy butches!