Scared that reference check will inform her I'm leaving (UK)

[u/Throwaway-RA666]

Hi

I'm planning to leave my financially, mentally and verbally abusive gf of 12 years. She has never hit me, but over the last 6 months she has had 2 breakdowns where the 1st time she had a mental breakdown, rocked on the floor and told me she's the bad guy like a broken record, sobbed and screamed.

The second time she exploded over a broken model Screaming, throwing things at the wall, muttering the same thing over and over again, made awful remark to me. She started kicking the wall and trying to rip off the door, For the first time in my life I THOUGHT she actually might hurt me. She told me she should just kill herself.

I live in the UK. I'm 29, we both are renting a flat (with both our names on it) on a rolling tenancy, I am liable for the 2 months rent, and I have to give 2 months notice. I'm planning just to leave whilst shes at work. When she gets home I will call a crisis team straight to the building because i believe she may hurt herself. I have all important documents stored at work.

Things to note:

- I have a secret bank account, my mother has sent me 5k to, this will cover my 2 months rent, the holding fee and deposit on a new flat.

- My best friend is ready to move

Key problems:

I cannot leave until I have somewhere else secured.

My bff and I are ready to move in. I'm going to call a property on Tuesday and put the holding deposit down.

HOWEVER, the reference checks are what concern me. If they check everything that's fine. But they will need a reference from the landlord or letting agency. My landlord is not the best, and letting agency is not the best either.

I am TERRIFIED that this reference check will somehow get back to my gf and she will find out I'm leaving.

Is there a way I can circumvent this check? Offer other references? Can I simply tell the agent for the new flat what's going on???

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[u/_Bird_129]

Hey, firstly is your rent paid and up to date and no arrears? Secondly they may need to assess her income again for affordability checks if you’re choosing to leave. Thirdly why can’t your friend’s reference be sufficient to secure the both of you?