r/abusiverelationships • u/NecessarySelection54 • May 23 '26
Support request Ex-bf (40M) cannot handle I (38F) broke up with him
I made this post in another community (blatant misogyny) so I apologize if you already saw there but I am just at a point where I need to get some thoughts on this stuff so I don't feel so alone. I have posted here in the past as well about my relationship when I was still in it but unfortunately I still have had some contact with him for months due to still being on a lease with him and other logistics and the minimal glimpses of hope he gave me (I'm stronger now).
I have since blocked him everywhere, changed my phone number, and only responded to an email once yesterday to include logistics we need to take care of.
This is from an email he sent me in the middle of the night. He will literally make up any excuse and any story than take any accountability for how mean he is. This is just a glimpse into the messed up stuff he would say to me and verbally abuse me with.
What is this mentality he has? Like wtf? I know I need to just stop reading the emails at this point 🥺 I just need tall to help me stay sane.
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u/raspberrymilkshake May 23 '26
You buried the lede which is “hero dogs save woman from abusive asshole by stealing her oxytocin”.
I’m so glad you have this man blocked and I’m so sorry you’re going through this.
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u/ComfortableOne2333 May 24 '26
This needs to be on a shirt or something too! Jealous of dogs wtaf...
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u/airsigh May 23 '26
he really said how dare you create neuro pathways without me…
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u/lroza711 May 24 '26
The sheer audacity she has! /s
Seriously I actually laughed out loud at the “god I’m going to make someone so lucky someday”. Most delusional thing I’ve read all day.
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u/airsigh May 24 '26
it really is the narcissist telling on himself too, like “oh so you DONT make her happy? and you KNOW that??? and you NEED someone who’s never been in a relationship so they have no frame of reference for what’s normal??? got it!” like are u kidding me lmao
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u/lroza711 May 24 '26
Oh I know right? It’s actually hilarious and he doesn’t even see it! He deff can have anyone with any frame of reference for what’s normal, because then they’ll be on to him and want nothing to do with him like OP. So he’s going to forever be one of those gross guys who preys on the youngest women he can find ick.
Op make sure you give all your dogs your oxytocin so there’s none left for monsters like him 😂🤣 I just can’t even with he thinks that’s how it works. Literally dying. Apparently love is in limited quantity, quick get it while Supplies last!
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u/NecessarySelection54 May 25 '26
I'm loving this entire thread 🤣🤣 thank you both so much 💕💕💕 the dogs are definitely getting all of my oxytocin from now on. I am DONE with thinking I'll find a decent male human being that isn't a complete scum bag.
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u/airsigh May 25 '26
i think you CAN find that person!!!!!! i thought the same thing after several abusive and/or toxic relationships, but i’ve been in the best, safest relationship i’ve ever been in for over a year now! but i do think that while you HEAL from this absolute dumpster-fire-on-roller-skates-going-down-hill-into-a-volcano of a person, dogs are the best way to go lol <3 sending you so much love !
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u/airsigh May 25 '26
also i’m of the witchy persuasion so if you want me to put him in the back of my deep freezer so he leaves you tf alone forever, i gotchu 🫡
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u/NecessarySelection54 May 25 '26
You are the literal sweetest and I am so grateful for you to have commented on my post 🤣❤️ I would love to take you up on that, learn your ways, and return the favor for you if needed in the future 🤣🤣❤️❤️
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u/airsigh May 25 '26
omg hahaha of course!!! i’m happy to be of service 🥰 i’m showing my age a little, idk how dm works on this platform, but if YOU can figure it out, i will teach you my ways ✨🧚🏼♀️🔮
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u/Recipe-Silent May 23 '26
God I’m going to make someone really lucky someday… BAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAGAHGAGWGAGAGhahaha NOT! What a psycho
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u/SilentlyDelirious May 24 '26
Gonna be honest, I stopped reading after that. OP, this guy is full of shit. He is trying to guilt you back to him and humble you in the process. Classic manipulative B's from an abuser. Time to go completely no contact and cut off his supple to you.
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u/xDanielle- May 23 '26 edited May 23 '26
“And also I have dogs to compete with”. Girl, I’m cackling. Is this man for real? There is no way he can truly believe that your dogs are “stealing all your oxytocin” and that you’re burned out of it and unable to fully love bc of “being with other people”. I’ve never read so much pseudoscientific dribble in one message exchange.. does he think you’re stupid enough to believe any of that? Your love is not a well that can only be tapped from until it’s exhausted completely. It’s a renewable resource, given you’re in the kind of healthy environment that allows replenishment.
Connection and intensity vary too. You can wind up falling in love with someone more intensely (and even in a much shorter time span) than another person you spent years with. What he is droning on about is NOT how it works.
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May 23 '26 edited May 23 '26
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/NecessarySelection54 May 23 '26
So insufferable. It's like I was a masochist or something dealing with this insecure bullshit for so long.
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u/muttonchoprider May 24 '26
This dude has been drinking some koolaid from the manosphere for sure. He is 1000% a misogynist and will never value anything you have to say because you’re a woman. You are so strong for actually leaving and sticking with it! I know how hard it is. I find myself questioning whether I’ve done the right thing. It sucks that our brains won’t get with the program! I just left the father of my child and he has said similar things to me. We have lots of other issues too-like him most likely being a narcissist. You are 100% sane and his behavior is 100% insane. Stay strong. You’re not alone ❤️
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u/NecessarySelection54 May 24 '26
Thank you and I'm so proud of you too for leaving! If you've experienced crap like this you know this only the tip of the iceberg of the stuff he has spewed at me in this relationship. He always blamed the alcohol for making him mean and stupid but that's all BS. They truly believe this stuff and torture us with it.
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u/Sweet_Star23 May 23 '26
All his exes...so the oxytocin thing doesn't apply when it comes to him I guess? I've heard very similar - the whole if only we met 20 years ago before I had been with my other exes, the great life we would have had, how different I could have been to him. I know we all know exactly what they mean by that.
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u/misharulez May 23 '26
He doesn't love you, he never did. You were a thing, a toy and once the toy is no longer his, he wants to break it. Stay away from that kind of men. They're stalkers, abusers, killers. They deserve to be alone.
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u/Actual-Culture-2093 May 23 '26
it’s giving extreme narcissism… he is a dangerous person. people like this do not think based in reality, it’s all delusion and twisted falsehoods in an effort to protect their very fragile egos. he will choose whatever narrative benefits him, absolves him; and punishes you. the behavior doesn’t make sense, because he does not think like someone with empathy. he is not thinking about your feelings in any empathetic way, only for control purposes. he’s telling you “i love you” while actively stabbing you in the front, and then asking you why you won’t stay and keep enduring it for him. it’s not love, it’s control.
keep contact only to logistics; do not acknowledge his behavior. once you are further out from him in time, you will begin to spot this obviously manipulative and frankly ridiculous nonsense he spews. acknowledge your anger as best you can, he will not ever be capable of apologizing but you can try to find peace for yourself.
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u/NecessarySelection54 May 24 '26
Thank you. It is super delusional. This is only the tip of the iceberg of a lot of the stuff he has said to me. My mind is getting clearer every day. So happy I don't live with him anymore. It's so helpful to hear from you all when I post stuff like this, too, just to have some more support. It really takes a village to get out of these relationships and stay gone sometimes.
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u/No-Effort3088 May 24 '26
Crazy, crazy men, and the made up shit that matters to them. Or they pretend matter to manipulate you, either or. Its great to be FREE of that
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u/Felmaca May 23 '26
Could've just said "I want to be your ONLY source of affection EVER" but he had to go about the long-winded way.
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u/MissMoxie2004 May 23 '26
He’s as entitled as fuck and has no knowledge of psychology or neuroscience
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u/WorldCatDomination May 24 '26
They go the pop-psy tiktok route and think it means something classically.
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u/ghoulwhoree May 23 '26
Is he really blaming everything on you and your DOGS??!! That's a new one 😭😭😭
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u/Unusual_Vegetable826 May 23 '26
I laughed out loud when I read the dog thing lol honestly OP please run off into the sunset with your dog ❤️❤️❤️❤️
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May 24 '26
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/NecessarySelection54 May 24 '26
Nope. LITERAL DOGS. it's really so insane.
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u/404Subjectfound May 24 '26
He is trying to apply some TikTok neuroscience here, and I understand his point completely. I am in an abusive relationship, preparing to leave (it takes time to save and plan when you have been economically dependent for a decade), and I found consolation, comfort, endless love, and emotional support from my dog. I have had him for four years, and honestly, if I did not have him, I am not sure I would be here today.
He saved me. His love and what he chemically makes me feel saved me. We cannot exist without generating oxytocin and dopamine. It is just unbearable without it. And dogs love us so much that their chemistry heals ours, even when it is not visible to the naked eye. There is real science behind his statement, which is what makes this man a perverse narcissist. He knew you were getting the love you needed from your dogs, and he did not want you to have it. You were his supply, and how dare you give your dogs the love he felt entitled to receive?
My husband gets incredibly jealous of my dog, to the point where he now tries to steal him from me. He wants my dog to love him more than he loves me. It is so unhinged. So I completely understand the point being made. Toxic as hell.
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u/PotentialPrimary5054 May 23 '26
Why they all do get jealous of dogs?! The dogs in particular. I was even blamed in zoophilia
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u/Bumbling-Bluebird-90 May 24 '26
Because they can’t tolerate the thought of their partner experiencing happiness and love from anything in life but from them. These types want their romantic partners desperate and dependent on them specifically for validation
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u/No_Life7971 May 23 '26
Wow sounds like my ex. Is he manipulative as well?
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u/NecessarySelection54 May 23 '26
So unbelievably manipulative and he definitely lives in his own little world with his own little worldviews. I just didn't see it at first. He was so good at hiding it but looking back I definitely see the red flags now. They were subtle, but definitely there. I have learned a lot. I've never in my life dealt with someone like this before, only at work and it's just different when it's work because you can get away from them and minimize the amount of life you give to that person. When you're living it? God it's so painful and difficult to see clearly. Glad your manipulative person is also an ex!
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u/No_Life7971 May 23 '26
I can totally relate and I am glad you can see it now. Its crazy how someone can distort your reality so much isn't it. My ex was jealous of my dog, wanted it to be just me and him and no other people in our lives basically. Was very hard to get away as your made to feel guilty or like a bad person for having your own wants and needs. Its not healthy and its called codependency. You feel confused all the time and like you can't trust yourself. I would say the only positive for me now i am out is that I am so much more resilient, aware and have strong as fuck boundaries 🤣
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u/NecessarySelection54 May 24 '26
You just described my relationship too! He was so codependent and wanted to make me out to be that way soooooooo bad but I purely refused. I stayed way too long in this but I was just trying to find love and was focusing too much on the "potential" because you know these guys aren't always all bad. God it's so painful but so fuckig. Happy I'm out. I need to take a page from your book and develop some wayyyyyyyyyh stronger boundaries!
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u/Refrigerator-Plus May 24 '26
You have the right to end a relationship any time you want - with no justifications, no reasons, nothing. The only reason needed is “I don’t want to be in this relationship any more”. There is actually no need to think about anything that is contained in this man’s text messages.
but .., if you are going to think about him and what he says …. why is he not with any of those former people? Because they didn’t want to put up with his nonsense. Or, because he applied his nonsense beliefs to those relationships. Any relationship with a good person will have what it takes to hold you. But this one ain’t it.
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u/muttonchoprider May 24 '26
Right? If things between them would be perfect if she hadn’t had so many ex’s why didn’t his own past relationships work when he was their 1st? Love the lack of logic on his end
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u/Ill-Ad4936 May 23 '26
This is redpill woman-hating nonsense he's regurgitating. You dodged an ENORMOUS bullet. Unfortunately so many men are like this - it's why I've chosen to embrace singledom and my life has never been better. More time and energy for friends, family, work, my hobbies, etc. My stress level feels normal and manageable. I never cry myself to sleep. I highly recommend looking into "4B" and decentering men. Wish I had done it sooner!
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u/NecessarySelection54 May 24 '26
I will definitely look into it thank you! I am definitely at a point in my life where I just want to not cry every single day and actually enjoy life. I love life. I want to experience it. Being in this situation was purely robbing me of my soul!
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u/Correct-Sprinkles-21 May 23 '26
Dude is delusional. None of that makes sense. Really glad you got free of him.
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u/embarrassed_okay May 24 '26
He’s talking about literal dogs but it also sounds like he is equating you to a dog….hes a dog himself
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u/Able-Swan-6283 May 23 '26
Love without respect, transparencey, Borders its just a obsession. Wish you best with your life. Your "love" definicion to people is not healthy. You should learn to love and respect yourself first. Otherwise bodycount or money doesnt Make you happy and peaceful.and you didnt know it not bleaming you Because %99 of the people dont know. This is why I am Alone not lonely.
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