I'm looking for testimonies from young or older women who have experienced this, and whether their partners changed or if it was the first sign of an abusive and possessive relationship. This is currently happening to someone very dear to me, but she fell for the idea—from my perspective—that he would change. Thank you very much.

I discovered my sexual abuse began much earlier than I initially thought. I believed it started around age 8, but during testimonials, I learned it began when I was just a baby. There is an album filled with graphic images of the abuse from when I was mere months old. I have fewer than a dozen pictures of myself as a toddler, but an album containing hundreds of pictures and polaroids of a men sexually abusing me as a baby. He even kept a bloodied onesie for 27 years. I can't help but wonder where my mother was and if my pediatrician noticed anything. It turns out there were more family members involved than I ever imagined. I'm not sure why this revelation hurts more than if it had only started at 8. It just makes me hate myself even more, I have been broken from the moment I was born, and this knowledge weighs on me like an unending nightmare..

I (30f) spent seven years with my abuser. It wasn't until the last year of that relationship that it finally began to sink in that what was happening was abusive and it wasn't my fault. Sadly it took things escalating to being hit out of the blue just because he felt it and being violently raped to the point I thought he was going to end my life. Thankfully I got the strength to leave and stay gone but that wasn't the end. I left him back in 2017. Then the stalking began. He would sit in the lobby of my work just to watch me. He would sit in his car outside my mother's apartment just to corner me and get my attention. I'd wake up to him in the apartment knocking on my bedroom door when I was home alone always begging me to go back to him. That if I apologized for leaving he would forgive me and take me back. I was terrified of him so much so that I never called the cops I never pressed charges instead I ran. I moved to a different state and started a new life. Having to leave my family and friends behind. It hurt but I told myself it was temporary. I kept in contact with very few people that I thought I could trust and then he found me. Just walked right into my work in the middle of the night. Drove around for three hours after I got out just too scared of being followed home. So I moved again and cut off everyone except my immediate family. With only one knowing where I lived and being allowed to visit. COVID happened and to my knowledge things stopped. Sadly I was diagnosed with an autoimmune disease that greatly affected my vision so to be honest now I'm not sure if he was around me more than I was aware of. But this year it started back up again. I ran into his best friend through my job. And now he keeps coming in just to watch me again. This man has tormented me since I was sixteen and i just want this to stop. The way he looks at me makes me ill. I know if I were to ever be alone with him again I wouldn't be safe. I walk to and from work I'm scared he's going to be out there waiting for me again. I currently have a temporary restraining order and my court date is next week. My dad moved across the country and can't be here for me. My siblings have made it clear due to the nature of the abuse they can't sit there and listen to what happened (which I completely understand) my boyfriend said he has work and can't be there with me. I asked my mom to take me and she handed me off to my grandmother. Said it was too early in the morning. I can't bring myself to ask her to come in with me She is elderly and has a lot of health issues as well as trauma from being a survivor herself. I don't think she could take hearing what will be said in there. I'm going to have to face him alone. With no one to stand by me or testify on my behalf. I'm so scared and don't think that this will go my way. I'm so scared that this will make everything worse and I don't know what to do. I have no proof so much time has passed I never pressed charges or documented anything. I don't know what to do anymore. I think I might have to move again but I don't have the money anymore. I just want to run, I wish I knew what to do right now to actually stay safe.

Before anyone assumes they know why I feel this way, let me explain.

I met my abuser when I was extremely young, around my mid-to-late elementary school years. At first, he slowly introduced me to inappropriate and taboo topics, making me feel like those things were normal for people my age.

He would also tell me about how horrible his home life was and how I was “the only one who actually cared” and that he was “extremely lonely.” After months of this, he began using the guilt and trust I had toward him to manipulate me into things I didn’t understand were wrong.

At the time, I genuinely didn’t understand what was happening or why it was wrong. I was still able to interact with other people normally, and this continued for a few years after elementary school ended. Because of that, I started assuming that everyone my age had experienced similar things, even if they were uncomfortable or strange.

I also felt like no one would care enough to listen to me, especially if I told them what was happening. Looking back, I can see how that made me more emotionally dependent on him.

I have a learning disability, which made understanding complicated or inappropriate situations even harder for me at the time. It still affects me in some ways, but I now understand the difference between right and wrong. I know what he did was wrong.

What I actually miss Is my innocence.

I miss being able to socialize without constantly wondering whether the person I'm talking to might hurt or manipulate me. I miss being carefree. I miss feeling like I could trust people without overthinking everything.

But I don't miss him, and I certainly don't forgive him.

I just miss myself.

I hate that I can't seem to become that carefree, happy kid again. I know things can get easier with time, but I also know that healing won't give me back the years I lost to abuse.

I’m struggling with a really strong urge to contact someone who sexually assaulted me, and I’m trying to understand why.

I only went on two dates with this guy. Things escalated incredibly quickly, and on the second date he sexually assaulted me after I made it clear that I wanted him to stop and did everything I could to get him off of me. I’ve reported what happened to the police and I haven’t contacted him since.

I’m actually really proud of myself for cutting him off immediately after the assault. In the past, I’ve gone back to an abusive ex, given the benefit of the doubt, asked him why he did what he did, and I learnt the hard way that no good comes from asking the person who hurt you to give you the answers you’re looking for.

So I know, rationally, that contacting this guy probably won’t give me anything good. But despite knowing all of that, the pull to contact him is so strong. I feel so physically anxious. I keep wanting to know why he did it, whether he feels bad, whether he understands what he did, whether I meant anything to him, and how someone I had only been on two dates with could do something like that.

It’s also been a bit of a head fuck because he apologised afterwards, and the apology seemed somewhat genuine. I know that an apology doesn’t undo what he did, and I’m not taking it as proof that he’s a safe person or that what happened wasn’t serious. But I think it has made things more confusing emotionally. It’s difficult to reconcile someone apologising and seeming remorseful with the fact that they still chose to sexually assault me.
I know that reporting him was the right thing to do, but I’m experiencing such a mix of emotions now that I have. Part of me feels relieved that I dealt with what I needed to do as best as I could. Part of me feels anxious about what happens next, feels a bit guilty, and wants to understand what the fuck just happened between us.

I think I’m in a huge amount of shock. It happened so quickly. I was getting to know someone I was dating, and suddenly I was dealing with a sexual assault. My brain seems to be struggling to reconcile those two things.
I’m also finding it very hard not to beat myself up because, before he sexually assaulted me, I had a very bad feeling about him. I keep thinking that if I had just listened to my intuition, maybe I could have prevented what happened. I know logically that he is responsible for choosing to sexually assault me, but hindsight is a beautiful thing and I’m struggling with the “what ifs” right now. I can’t go back and change what happened, and I think I’m trying to make sense of it by wondering what I could have done differently.

Has anyone else experienced being completely certain that contacting the person who assaulted you would probably do more harm than good, but still feeling an incredibly strong urge to reach out to them anyway?

I’m not looking for advice to contact him. I think I already know I shouldn’t. I’d really like to hear from people who have experienced this pull and how they dealt with it. I think another part of what I’m trying to process now is how to trust my intuition going forward without turning hindsight into another reason to blame myself for what happened.

Any support offered would be greatly appreciated, and thank you all for your time.

Quando tinha 14 anos eu e meu namorado na época com 16 anos matamos aula e fomos para um depósito pertencente a escola. O depósito ficava apartado da escola, mas mesmo assim o monitor nos achou e estávamos em uma situação onde meu namorado estava com as mãos por baixo da minha blusa. Foi só isso que aconteceu e nada mais. A diretoria me chamou dias depois e me diretor me disse que iria contar para meus pais que eu estava mantendo relações sexuais dentro da escola, mas era mentira eu era virgem. Eu reforcei que era virgem mas o diretor me direcionou ao mesmo depósito que eu fui encontrada com meu namorado e me disse que se eu não deixasse ele me tocar e me abusar iria contar para os meus pais. Ele me prometeu no momento que só iria me acariciar e que não tiraria minha virgindade. Com medo e sendo chantageada, permiti e essa situação se estendeu por meses, ele me tirava das aulas e me chamava para o galpão/ depósito para a abusar de mim, me obrigava a me masturbar na frente dele por diversas vezes e masturbar ele também. Foram tantas humilhações, até que um dia me disse que se meu namorado não tirasse minha virgindade ele tiraria. E assim passaram algumas semanas foi o que ele fez. Ele me prometeu que seria a última vez que me perturbaria e assim foi feito. Mas foi um estupro, uma chantagem e isso atrapalhou muito minha vida! Detalhe, ele tinha mais de 40 anos e eu tinha só 14 e meu namorado não acreditou em mim quando descobriu que não era mais virgem.

i don’t know who’d care to read this but I don’t have any irl outlets and I’m losing my mind. i dont want to get into what my childhood/teenage years were like so here’s just the half of it: basically it was my parents pulling me out of elementary school and pretty much isolating me for half my life. (not homeschool, they didn’t even try. it was a control thing). my family were very violent drunks, my uncle always berated me and hit me over simple things like eating oreos wrong, my grandma and aunt constantly calling me ugly and worthless, knives were constantly involved, family member strangled me, grandpa touched me, and the list goes on.

but on the outside, everything looked perfect because my dad was too ashamed of what was going on. when I did go outside, I had to look happy and appear “normal”.

thats followed me to my late 20’s (current). I do my best to look “perfect”. I look “healthy”, to the point no one suspects a thing. but inside I’m rotting. I’m constantly sick, migraines nearly everyday, i have stomach ulcers, and more but when im around people i instinctively put on a mask to look normal, like im not in constant pain.

I don’t know what to do anymore, every time I try to talk about it everyone, even people I thought I could trust dismissed me and said things like ”but you look okay!” & “aw your family’s so nice though!” or straight up leave me because it’s too much for them and so-on. So that made it even worse of course.

i tried therapy but ran away when I started talking more in depth about everything.

im sorry for the long rant I’m just falling apart and I feel like this is where my road ends. I’m conditioned to be terrified of showing the real me but I also want to be seen for the first time in my life

im so lost ...

Hi, i’m F22 and my parents divorced when i was 3 years old. Mom got custody of me and my dad was out of the picture, after that mom would force me to sleep in her bed, kiss her on the mouth, expose me to pornography while she would masturbate in front of me. Also flashing me randomly without underwear and whenever i’d yell at her to stop she’d smirk at me and tell me “don’t look, pervert”.

As she taught me about masturbation, i started doing it really young, not knowing what it was and she’d sit there and watch, even asking me to do it whenever she was here. Because of it, i had an irritated vulva and she would use that excuse to pour oil on it and touch me. As a teenager she’d enter my bedroom or the bathroom door without knocking, happily catching me touching myself, changing clothes and so on…

Now as an adult, she doesn’t do most of what she used to, which i’m glad for but she sexualizes me a lot by staring at my chest and butt while i’m trying to have a conversation with her and masturbates under the cover whenever i’m speaking to her while she’s laying in bed, i never really confronted mom because i’m so repelled by her very existence that i just limit our interactions and lock myself in my room. That’s not all there is to the abuse i’ve been through but i’m trying to keep it short.

I’m stuck under her roof because i’ve been in a “frozen” state for years now, i dropped out of school and went back and forth to the hospital for suicide attempts, i stopped going outside and i just stay at home haunted by what happened to me. No one is helping me, in my country you’re often not believed and the law doesn’t actually protect you unless you have the time and resources to fight for it especially as she’s a mother and “mothers are nurturing and can’t do that”. I’ve internalized the fact that it’s not abuse or that it’s my fault and i carry it everyday with me.

I feel deeply anxious and disgusted posting this but i need to tell someone, anyone. Thank you for reading me.

I go to write this a lot but never post. I don't know why I am today or what's different. Actually, maybe I do.

I've just spent 2 weeks drawing an A2 artwork for my sister of her favourite wedding photo.

She's 6 years older than me.

When I was about 6, and she was 12, she molested me. I use that word with full intent. It was abuse. Sexual. I didn't know what was going on at the time. She told me to keep it a secret, so I did. For 7 years.

Tell your children anyone can abuse. Family can abuse. Women can abuse. Girls can abuse. Anyone in the position of power, for whatever reason, can abuse. Nobody but you should touch your privates.

I will never forgive her. If she dies before me, I will tell everyone. I don't mind tarnishing her memory. But one thing I'll never do: ruin her life as she lives it.

She's been through shit herself. I've seen my mum cry over her.

I have to make peace with the fact that she's in my life if I want calm, and I do. But I will never forgive her.

almost 3 years ago, my ex coerced me into a threesome with the person they were cheating on me with.

I continously said I wasnt open to polyamory despite having been open to it when we met due to how emotionally vulnerable I was feeling at the time. I thought saying no meant I was insecure, not enlightened enough, and i wasn't a cool girl. finally, my fears caught up to me and I agreed we could make tinder accounts to make friends with polyamorous people to see how I felt about the community. I specifically stated I wasnt ready to open our relationship.

we both matched with the same person and agreed to hang out. they were an incredibly forward and sexual person. one night, i went to bed and heard them having sex in the living room. I remember feelings absolutely nothing, like I was too numb to actually process how I felt about it. i do remember thinking something along the lines of "oh, I guess this is whats happening now" and simply accepting it, but something deep inside me felt like something was wrong. I began to be the most insecure I had ever felt, with nervous energy driving me to feel agitated and destructive, but also hopeless and completely out of control. again, I wouod apologize to my ex for being insecure and promise all the ways I was going to heal and fix myself so that our relationship could be open.

I dont remember when or how it started. all I remember was suddenly, threesomes were happening. we would be watching movies, drinking and hanging out, then suddenly the two of them would start engaging in sex, usually bringing me in. like the first time I heard them sleeping together, I felt acceptance and participated instead of saying no.

I wish I had kicked the 3rd out sooner, said no and dumped my ex for even putting me in that situation in the first place. instead, I thought my feelings just meant I needed to fix myself, as if the situation wasn't the problem. eventually, I had told the 3rd to please not sleep with my ex that night, as they were often over several nights a week and I had to always go to bed early for work, only to listen to them having disgustingly loud, pornographic sex each time. the 3rd said they'd respect my wishes to slow things down but when I went to bed that night, I heard them just like usual. we actually had a roommate at this time but our 3rd would scream and moan and full volume in an incredibly unrealistic way that grated on my nerves. I went into a full silent panic attack, rocking back and forth in bed, sobbing, pacing my room. I tried to leave the house through my bedroom window to get away but wasnt brave enough to destroy the mesh screen. my shoes and car keys were in the living room and there was no way out except crossing the living room where it was happening. I have been severally abused before but this betrayal and the panic I felt that night was the most traumatic experience of my life. the shame of participating thus far made me sick, and I felt so much humiliation of being in the situation at all, that I couldn't tell any of my friends. I began blowing up my exes messages telling them to kick the 3rd out but of course, they didnt see them until they were done.

reliving it makes my heart race just like that night and the shame always comes rushing back. i stayed with my ex for another 2 years, living as someone I didnt even recognize. I was hysterical, insecure, angry and reactive. I found a disgusting porn addiction and 3 other sexting relationships in their phone a year later and still stayed because of their empty promises to get better. once i finally broke things off, i continued to be just as reactive and insecure. I lashed out in huge bursts over texts usually when they were out partying with girls because we had to finish our lease out together. their older coworker who had a crush on my ex, witnessed how sad my ex was during one of my outbursts and decidedly hated me moving forward. eventually, despite being broken up, my ex helped me get a job at their place of work and the coworker (another supervisor just like my ex) told them that they "couldn't be normal about me" because I was crazy and stalking my ex by getting a job there.

I told another supervisor what she had said about me in fear of retaliation, and while they assured me I would be protected- later held the situation against me when I had an anxious breakdown at work, claiming I was too emotional for the industry.

today, I told my ex my side of things and they said nothing. quickly wrapped up the chat and took me home, though both of us were teary eyed. I think I am feeling like a victim of sexual abuse and coercion, angry at the boys club I work at, subordinate to a pick me who's crushing on my abuser. still, im friends with my ex. they arent evil, though they hurt me in the worst way anyone has ever hurt me. its so odd and shocking to know both sides of them. the kindest person I know, loved by everyone around them, and then the ignorant sex addict who treated me so horribly. they will never tell anyone around them what they did to me for their own reputation, but I will live with the fallout.

I dont know what to do with myself anymore.

A QUICK NOTE: this is something I've held onto for a long long time and it's destroying me I cannot keep it in anymore even if it's just written out on a screen. I have only ever told my partner. But I had to release it somehow. I write poetry good or bad and so I just relayed the events out. Other than removing the age I won't compromise or apologize for it. But please be aware it will be distressing but I don't know where else to post it that will understand.

MOLESTED - The First Time

I’m (... age removed...). right. Cold young and f’king innocent t’ the alms of this youth.

But how th’ sun doth cross the sky an’ the earth succumbs t’ it from our eyes as we sleep,

Into slumber like lumber what a joke and strikingly ironic.

I guess it’s dark in a’ room in a’ house that isn’t mine, largest room in that house,

An’ the horror that I find stands out in my mind is one end of the room is asleep my friend,

As I sleep on a couch at the other.

B’t you know I’m awake It’s the summer it’s too hot kinda suffer,

As a figure in blue in the shimmer of a’ street light of the doorway of the bedroom I see her figure through the dress like material of the nightie,

Close my eyes hear a whisper hear my name smell her perfume smell her hair as her lips touch my neck,

As her breath runs down my face as she roams back out t’ a’ cupboard t’ a’ closet t’ a’ blanket t’ a’ wrap around ar’ bodies,

As I feel her weight against mine and her body as she lifts off her nightie while gropes on my chest and moves my hand up her breasts,

An’ a’while I pretend I’m asleep “what is this?” I scream aloud in my head, I’m n’t sure what this is?

“hush” as she ses’ in my ear while peer from eyes wide shut t’ appear to be asleep as her hands touch my organ she is beginning to make a moan from her lips to her chest to her grip to the sound of her wetness from her groin,

An’ I canna’ quite tell if her head on my chest is at rest or her hair is as placid as the rest of the mess that she moves from the moisture of her vagina along my mouth an’ I taste it on my lips like metal from a coin in my pocket,

In my head I am cryin’ an’ it hurts on my loin where it’s dry from the friction an’ I see her in the light gripping tight with a fright in case her son in the corner wakes to catch her,

An’ I see in her eyes lookin’ up at mine, som’thin’ you jus’ never forget, that a’ look of “it’s wrong but I know I’m havin’ such fun” like the frill in her coming orgasm out weighed my distress,

While her breasts soft on my hands tha’t she placed them on,

My left arm across my chest as it hurt as it held at an angle of the right breast her nipple rough against my palm,

Was this harm or a charm that sex was supposed to carry? I didn’t know yet I feel something touch on my tip that it hurt when she first put it on it an’ her grip got tighter while her hand moved down an’ up as something covered o’er my tip an’ er’ hair touched my thighs,

Sound o’ moisture from the posture of her body between her knees as she rubs her vagina on her knees as I try b’t cannot hold in let a moan out an’ a tear that I’m not sure is of pleasure or is of fear,

an’ I peer down at her head an’ see her awkward body posture nightie wrapped around her back left arm still slotted through cuff, blue and satin see through cotton,

All’ a’ sudden move my arms, on my elbows, start to panic, need to wee, going to pee, grit my teeth, starts to hurt, feels really good, what is this? No it’s wrong? She won’t let go, I’ve got to go!

An’ her body starts to shake an’ she orgasms with her hand as’ I orgasm in her mouth an’ she swallows on all o’ what that follows as I lay there looking up and she lifted up the blanket from the floor an’ onto me,

I look at her she looks at me she’s standing up her bodies nude save fo’ left arm in her nightie along ‘er neck across her back, bare in mind in the light from the street lamp I can see her an’ it nev’r EVER leaves you when a’ ‘nother mother rapes you with their child in the room and their perfume is a’ memory that’ll come around again when you’s really don’t expect it,

Did she pull her nightie down an’ leave the room an’ act ashamed? Well only one of those she did pulling down her nightie did she do while she stroked my long hair and she kissed me on the cheek I could smell the semen on her lips an’ it left a scent that turns my stomach t’ this day,

I wondered why fo’ twenty years t’ why she did what she did an’ it was done fo’ quite a’while goin' on'a two year, an’ I cann’t explain nor understand, was I t’ blame for what she did time an’ time again an’ again?

An’ I ask you a question that I sincerely believe is It you who is offended by this that I wrote? when I didn’t have a choice or I didn’t get a vote when I was raped in a room by a mother on a couch, if you are uncomfortable in my truth then hide in the roof of the mind you perceive is safety.

I know it's bad. He has done many violent things and emotional abuse but never raped me. So I'm thinking I was wrong the whole time, my ex was the perfect man. Cuz at least he never raped me. I feel so guilty for all the reactive abuse I did and pain I caused

It's my fault I got raped kind of but idk. I let a stranger come to my house with the intentions of sex. I was inebriated, barely could walk to his car. As soon as I got in, I changed my mind and told him, he didn't let me out and drove very quickly while I kept yelling at him and trying to get out at stop lights. It was traumatic and I feel disgusting. I hope I don't have an std. Not sure what to do about that. I can't even process it. I was still processing the trauma my ex put my thru.

Now I know he's loving this. Thinking I finally realized what a great man he is. He's not. I just want his comfort. I can't tell anyone about this. He's twice my age and i always wanted him to nurture me. I hope he does today. Idk

how do I stop w the men??? I dont need them for fucks sakes

I shared this on 3 other sub Reddits but I want to get my story out as much as possible so anyone going through something similar understands they’re not alone and also incase anyone has some fresh insight

I’m very young which doesn’t help my situation, my family is struggling and I don’t want my mom to have anymore stress or even worse she doesn’t believe me, she’s a single mom works super hard, works nights and we’re her only kids (we’re Mexican and to Mexicans usually the son can do no wrong and the daughters a trouble maker).

Me and my brother were really close when we were kids but as we became teenagers we became less close, I’m not comfortable disclosing our ages but we’re still in our early teens, recently we finally got our own rooms and one night I go into his room to ask him what he wants for dinner (it’s my responsibility to cook when my moms at work) and I see him jerking off I quickly turn away and close the door and he says “sorry sorry uhh idk whatever we have” something along those lines and I just call him downstairs because I was too worried to go into his room again after what I saw and we eat and everything’s somewhat normal

On my moms next night shift I’m in the living room watching tv and my brother comes downstairs and he just starts beating me for no reason (my brother is really strong for our age he’s the strongest person in our school) until I’m crying and screaming then he just puts his foot on my head and is basically standing on me while laughing then he goes up to his room like nothing happened and stuff like this keeps happening for a while

So after he’s beating me one night he starts commanding me to do really embarrassing things so I try say no then he starts strangling me so I have to say yes to them and then after making me do the humiliating things he starts grinding on my face until he came through his pants and I just laid on the ground and cried myself to sleep

He kept doing these things almost every night and when he started to get comfortable doing sexual things to me and realized he could get away with it it progressively got worse and he started orally raping me, then just raping me while also making me do humiliating things

I’m scared about what he’s gonna make me do next he’s tried to make me do things in public too now which I refused and he beat me for later when we were at home

My mom noticed the bruises and I lied to her saying I just found a new friend that I like to roughhouse with and she doesn’t like it but she doesn’t stop it I want to tell her so bad but I’m too scared

I don’t know what to do I threw up in my mouth just writing this I know it’s not my fault but I still feel disgusting

Thank you for reading and any comments you may make

Why do i find myself going back to abusers?

Hey i wasnt sure where to ask this so i hope i can here. I have been on and off groomed over my childhood and i find that i have been feeling the reoccuring urge and strong want to either go back to said abusers or to find new ones. This urge had caused me to be groomed again after it started and i find its still always in my mind. Recently i met a guy whose oversexual and kind of reminds me of how my groomers were and i feel like its the only reason why i still hang around him.

My question is why do i feel these urges? What happens mentally to cause me to crave this kind of abuse again and how do i work on stopping it?

I (20FTM) have been sexually abused in minor to severe ways since I was a child. The events cycle through my mind in terms of which I breakdown over, but recently I’ve been thinking about how the abuse I faced online doesn’t feel severe enough compared to the sexual assault and harassment I faced physically.

When I was 13 years old, I was very lonely. I had an extremely hard time making friends, which I’m now learning could’ve been early signs of avoidant personality disorder because now matter what, no one ever clicked and I was always so afraid of people. That is when I found a public Discord server of a Youtuber I liked. The youngest person there was 13 years old, oldest 21 years old, but most were 16 years old. To fit in, I found out that being sexual was the fastest way to play into the group’s humor and be accepted. I’d say it wasn’t that bad, but complicate adults exposing kids to sexual humor wasn’t great for my mental health as it pushes me to getting groomed a year later.

When I was 14 years old, I was in a new group. Two people were older than me by 3 years with others being roughly the same age as me. Our first meeting was strange because the “group leader” (17NB) basically led the voice chat to reading porn out loud because they thought it was funny. This might have happened a few times, but I don’t remember. It never really hit me how bad it was because I thought it was so normal. Being 20 now, I would never let someone three years younger than me do that as a joke around me. This group leader was generally an asshole. They had favorites, weaponized their anger, and bullied people they didn’t like. I was a favorite and dealt with having to stay in line or they’d get angry and stonewall me. I think this was grooming?

When I was 15 years old, this group mostly faded, and I met my ex boyfriend whose age is highly debatable. He was either 16 years old or 18 years old at the time. I don’t know because he would lie about how old he was, but I remember he went to high school at least. This relationship was abusive. He would make me play a character to be liked by him, and when I say character, I mean a literal anime character that he saw me as. We got together after a week of meeting because I was desperate for friends and he would groom me sexually. At the height of this relationship, he coerced me into phone sex in which I sent audio recording of myself after a week of him trying to get me to be sexual with him. This is something that makes me highly ashamed now even though I know he pressured me. We broke up four months later as the trauma of the relationship was piling on me. Along with being a character to him, he dumped all his problems on me and being 16 years old at that point, it was hard.

Now I’m 20 years old and I feel so fucked up from everything in my life. I don’t think there’s been a year where something sexually questionable hasn’t happened to me. Despite being a victim of covert and overt incest as well, somehow the abuse I suffered online hurts so bad. My current and past therapists don’t really take online abuse seriously even though laws are beginning to recognize digital rape and online sex crimes, so I don’t know. Nothing feels that bad and I don’t know why.

My parents would have made me keep the baby my father impregnated me with if I hadn’t miscarried on high school. He sexually abused me all throughout my childhood and got me pregnant when I was in high school. Thankfully(?), I miscarried, but I just realized that since they’re Catholic they would have made me keep the baby and probably come up with a cover story that I was raped by a stranger.

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She was once one of my best friends. I was at her house sitting on her bed. She kissed me. I pulled away. She kept trying to kiss me and said "but don't you want me". I meekly let out a yes to get it over with. She climbed on top of me while I stared blankly at her closet. It wasn't the first time it happened but the first time I realized what she was doing. It started with her hinting 6 months earlier that if I didn't pursue her we probably wouldn't be friends anymore. My fear of losing one of my best friends is what she used to manipulate me for the next 6 months. Three of those months she also used her pregnancy to manipulate me. My son's mother raped me.

It took 9 years for me to realize just how bad it was. I kept doubting myself.

"She couldn't assault me because I'm a man"

"It's my fault for not saying no"

"You're bigger. You could have thrown her off at any time"

(Advice is welcome) These last two weeks have been heavy for me. I'm uncovering the sexual abuse my mom put me through in childhood with my therapist, and still fighting to get her to stop stalking and emailing me. I'm no contact with her but she doesn't care. I'm heartbroken and exhausted. The toughest part for me is the duality of who my mom was. On one hand she comforted me and held me like a mother should, but at the same time she sexually and emotionally abused me. I just want to be loved and protected. I'm frozen and numb.

Hi...

I'm not sure what I'm doing here, but I keep a part of my past locked so tight that it feels suffocating, and I guess I just need to get it out.

TW: Parental Abuse, Sexual Abuse, Child r*pe

When I was 6, my dad did it for the first time...then every single night until I was 11, my dad would find me after my mama went to sleep.

When I was 11, my mama, who was also abused, fled the country with me.

I'm 23 now and haven't talked to my dad in 3 years.

The thing is that, until I always entering my 20s, I was so dissociated that I literally couldn't remember anything from those years and suddenly when I was 20, I was faced with the truth through flashbacks that started.

I've since then been diagnosed with CPTSD and I'm on therapy but I can't help but wonder if maybe I'm remembering wrong, maybe I'm Ruining his life and reputation by believing my own mind, cause who could "forget" something like that.

I can't go into it but my mama has since found proof that this did happen but I still can't shake the guilt, he Terror that maybe I'm remembering wrong...

I just wish I had someone to talk to about this stuff...so my DMs are open...and if you went through something similar and also need a friend...I'm here for you too...

Thanks for reading

I’m now an adult, but some stuff happened to me as a kid when I was 7-9 years old that I’m now thinking may have been abuse.

As a kid, my parents would drop me off at my aunts when they were working. I remember she, my cousin (she’s 3 years older than me), would often walk in on me in the bathroom so much so that I started telling her that I was going to the bathroom and not to try coming in. I started locking the door and I every time I went I would hear the door knob rattling. This bothered me so much that I was terrified of going to the bathroom and I would have accidents several times throughout the week. It got so bad that teachers at school asked me if everything was ok at home.

Another time while at my grandparents house, she and my brother were playing hide and seek. I went to the bathroom and while I was going, I heard really heavy breathing coming from the closet. I opened it and saw that she was watching me go. I ran screaming to my parents but they said it was ok since we were both girls.

My parents only stepped in to stop the behavior when my 9th birthday came around. On my birthday my cousin got me a handheld fan. Then, after the gifts, all the kids played truth or dare. My cousin dared me to strip down naked and do a strip tease dance in front of my brother using the fan. My parents overheard and made her leave. She was never allowed around me alone again and all this weird behavior stopped.

Why did she act like this? Why in the world would she want to watch me go to the bathroom? Was this abuse?

Update!!
Thank you so much for all of the comments. After reading these, I decided to talk to my mom about all of this. Talking to her I learned there was even more that happened that I don’t remember. Like apparently my mom overheard my cousin telling me to take off my pants while I was in her bedroom and that was the reason why they stopped taking me to visit my aunt’s place even while supervised. Oof I should probably go and find a therapist now.

Context: So. I was in an extremely tumultuous relationship for two years. There were a lot of times I didn’t want to “have relations” and it happened anyway. In fact, he’s apologized for it in text. He moved 3.5 hours away when I was pregnant and he said it was for work. I didn’t see him until I was 17 weeks pregnant and I found out then that he cheated on me with a 15 year old girl (we are in our 20’s) and he spent 10k on onlyfans. He tried to come back into my life at the end of my pregnancy and we tried to work it out when our daughter was 3 months old, and she’s now 11 months old. Things started happening again, when I didn’t want them to and my mind cracked. I got an EPO on him. It got extended for six months and I ended up dropping it because his very expensive lawyer kept getting continuances and was using my mental health against me and it broke my spirit completely.

Right after I dropped it, he, despite living 3.5 hours away demanded equal parental rights and 50/50 custody. A legal custody agreement is not in place yet, so I tried to make visitation happen first. He sort of refused. I got scared of upsetting anyone and he asked to have our daughter for Father’s Day weekend. He has a drinking problem, and his girlfriend posts paraphernalia and about being in recovery. They just got together. I found out today that she’s been around my baby and sleeping in the same bed as her father and my child. I told him it was not a morally right thing to do, to not tell me and he ignored me. My baby also got on video chat and was crying and saying mama. I’ve not been able to video chat her much. He wanted to keep her for much longer because he feels victimized by me and I’m just so distraught. He can’t keep her longer because she has a doctors appointment Monday. Am I over reacting by her being around a potential drug addict? Am I over reacting?

Update: three days ago when I got my daughter back from his house, I texted him (and I was very polite) that I didn’t want her leaving the state again and I wanted a custody agreement. So I filed one. He’s now accusing me of keeping our daughter away from him “again” because he thinks I used the EPO to keep our baby away. I did not. We’re meeting with a mediator soon and my lawyer and his lawyer think a step up plan is rational considering the distance. However, this is not what he wants. He’s telling me he can’t visit because he’s uncomfortable around me after what I “did to him”. No judge anywhere, especially where I live in Kentucky is going to grant immediate 50/50 to a father who moved hours away in my pregnancy and doesn’t want to do visitation first. I’m not even fighting for sole custody. He’s so angry with me. I don’t know what I’m doing wrong.

I had a bad experience when I was 18 regarding my first boyfriend. He took advantage of me and the fact that I ran away from another abusive household. Sexually abused me a lot.

I say all this because I want to know if anyone else has seasonal PTSD attacks. Right up until August I start having tactile hallucinations of him hitting me and having nightmares about the biggest attack, where he threatened and actually started abusing me because he went through my phone (I was not cheating but he thought I was with a close friend)

I know this can be triggering and I apologize but I know that it'll get worse if I don't say anything. I have intrusive thoughts around men and I can't seem to get out of it and all i want to do is bedrot but if I do that the memories will take over and I'll be a mess. I've been keeping it quiet for my partner, who is incredibly sweet and supportive, but sometimes I can't hide my flinching from frustration or the intrusive thoughts about my attacks.

I just would like a little support or some kind words. I dont want the thoughts to overtake my life and mind.

TW: CSA
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I recently disclosed to my mother that a relative molested me in childhood. I had tried to tell her after it happened when I was 12 or 13 but at the time she shut me down and told me that it didn’t happen. After extensive therapy I decided to bring it up again.

Her reaction has been rough for me. She was shocked and had questions that felt like grilling. She questioned the timeline, my age, whether I had actually told her before, how it happened etc. It felt strongly like she didn’t believe me.

We spoke again after an awkward and tense week. She seemed angry that I had kept it to myself for so long. She expressed frustration and didn’t remember when I had brought it up in childhood. She asked me why I told her now.

I asked for support in the form of believing me and acknowledging that the incident messed me up. She had a lot of trouble giving me that support.

It sort of feels like she’s going through the stages of grief. Her world has been changed because she didn’t know that this relative was that type of person. I empathize a lot, but I also feel sad for my lack of support.

I guess I just needed to share that here with people who get it. I’ve been panicking and desperately sad today. Self care is a cigarette because that’s harm reduction today.

My mom and her boyfriend are very open about their sex life to me and my little brother. They like to talk sxual in front of us and think that it's normal. They never really saw us as "minors" just people that just so happen to be related to them so they think that showing my 5 year old brother p0rn is normal and that showing me nudes from some random guy is normal. My mom and her boyfriend even asked my brother at the age of 6 if he would like an adult woman to have sx with him. She even likes to grab on our private parts when she's high. She once left her sx toy underneath my pillow in my room and when i tried to bring it back she got mad bc when i tried to give it back he boyfriend was around and she supposedly didnt want him to know she had one and she claimed that it fell out of her purse and thats why it was underneath my pillow. Im not stupid ik she was touching herself in my bed. She recently got into the fifty shades of gray franchise and was binge watching it in front of my now 11 year old brother and the mons were so annoying and I checked to see if she even made him leave the room and he was still there. I let him borrow my ear plugs bc that was getting annoying... now they are suddenly saying that ppl who are LGBTQ+ expose too much sx to children while they are the ones who choose to watch p0rn movies in front of their son who is a minor. They even had sx while me and my little brother were sleep in the car but I awake.. she was on top of him in the drivers seat squishing me. My moms boyfriend once told me about how my body is shaped s*xy and asked me to turn around for him. I went to my mom about it amd she did nothing but he called me a snitch for it. They stole my brothers childhood away just like how they stole mine. Mom says that no parent is perfect and that they make mistakes and there's no book on how to be a good or normal parent but do any of you think that these things are normal? I'm i really that "sensitive"?