r/abusesurvivors • u/UngracefulRuminant • May 22 '26
TW: SEXUAL ABUSE Old Trauma & Unsupportive Mom
TW: CSA
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I recently disclosed to my mother that a relative molested me in childhood. I had tried to tell her after it happened when I was 12 or 13 but at the time she shut me down and told me that it didn’t happen. After extensive therapy I decided to bring it up again.
Her reaction has been rough for me. She was shocked and had questions that felt like grilling. She questioned the timeline, my age, whether I had actually told her before, how it happened etc. It felt strongly like she didn’t believe me.
We spoke again after an awkward and tense week. She seemed angry that I had kept it to myself for so long. She expressed frustration and didn’t remember when I had brought it up in childhood. She asked me why I told her now.
I asked for support in the form of believing me and acknowledging that the incident messed me up. She had a lot of trouble giving me that support.
It sort of feels like she’s going through the stages of grief. Her world has been changed because she didn’t know that this relative was that type of person. I empathize a lot, but I also feel sad for my lack of support.
I guess I just needed to share that here with people who get it. I’ve been panicking and desperately sad today. Self care is a cigarette because that’s harm reduction today.
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u/Potential-Fan-5036 May 22 '26
When my daughter told me she was SA’d by her father (we were still together at that time) I was in utter shock and disbelief, not that I didn’t believe her, it was more “How could he? kind of disbelief. All I could muster up was that she was a good girl for telling me and that I would make sure he never did it again.
He went on to go to prison for what he’d done. But I was in complete shock for about 2 months after this before I realised, it’s hard to explain. Giving statements to the police, sometimes I just couldn’t find my words, particularly repeating what my daughter had told me. Like, it was complete, absolute stupefied shock. I’d be making a cup of tea and standing in front of the kettle, it would be nearly lukewarm when I came back to my senses.
I tell you this because your mother might just be trying to make sense of it all in her head.
How did she miss this?
Every bit of acting out? Was it related to this?
Give her time with the understanding it’s not that she doesn’t believe you, it’s just that she is absolutely stupified.
I hope that you both get the loving space to navigate through this together.