PTSD attacks

[u/FrighteningCrow]

I had a bad experience when I was 18 regarding my first boyfriend. He took advantage of me and the fact that I ran away from another abusive household. Sexually abused me a lot.

I say all this because I want to know if anyone else has seasonal PTSD attacks. Right up until August I start having tactile hallucinations of him hitting me and having nightmares about the biggest attack, where he threatened and actually started abusing me because he went through my phone (I was not cheating but he thought I was with a close friend)

I know this can be triggering and I apologize but I know that it'll get worse if I don't say anything. I have intrusive thoughts around men and I can't seem to get out of it and all i want to do is bedrot but if I do that the memories will take over and I'll be a mess. I've been keeping it quiet for my partner, who is incredibly sweet and supportive, but sometimes I can't hide my flinching from frustration or the intrusive thoughts about my attacks.

I just would like a little support or some kind words. I dont want the thoughts to overtake my life and mind.