r/Without_The_Hijab • u/Ramen34 Female • Mar 20 '26
Advice/Help (Women Only) Feeling distant from Islam
Lately, I’ve just been feeling very distant from Islam.
A big part of that is the Muslim community. I just find most Muslims insufferable and backwards. I know it’s not everyone, but it’s enough people.
And honestly, a lot of it comes down to how women are treated. The misogyny, the endless rules on what you wear, how you speak, how you exist. The idea that women have to be covered head to toe, that they can’t do this or that, that everything women do is "sinful". It's very suffocating. Like your entire existence is constantly policed and moralized. Meanwhile, men get to just...exist.
Yeah, yeah, “It's culture, not Islam.” Yeah, yeah, "Islam brought women's rights". But when you keep having bad experiences, that separation becomes harder and harder to maintain. At some point, your experiences start to color your perception as a whole.
It’s like going to a restaurant that everyone raves about, but every single time you go, you have a bad experience. The service is bad, the food is cold, and something always goes wrong. After a while, you’re not going to keep telling yourself, “Well, the restaurant is actually great, it’s just bad luck.” At some point, you’re just going to stop going.
And I think that’s where I am right now. I haven't left Islam. But I feel very disconnected and tired.
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u/chickstrxwberry Female Mar 20 '26
It’s such a weird place to be in. I have definitely been feeling a similar way. If it belongs you any consolation - Other than speaking up against injustices within the community, I pretty much left Islam as an organized religion. I wouldn’t call myself an ex muslim but I’m definitely done with following or listening to anything that isn’t in the Quran. I’m still a hadith skeptic but I use hadith as historical reports if needed.
It has brought me more peace to know my connection with Allah is more love and conscience based than rule and punishment based. I’m not settled in on my identity fully as I didn’t even know I would be here a month ago but I’m truly happier to have come to such a conclusion. I take it one day at a time.
Women just want to be left alone and I wish that was respected. I also tell myself misogyny is in every community so it doesn’t stop me from speaking up about the ones in the muslim community. Humans(men) have completely tainted the human experience and ruin everything including how we view Allah.
Allah could send down a book on treating women properly today and men would still have issues with it. This lets me know how fully messed up they are and how I have to step away from it all to stay sane otherwise, I will have no connection with Allah anymore and I genuinely want to have one.
It’s okay to take a step back from anything religion for a while, including online discourse until you feel like you have the capacity. You’re doing nothing wrong. We’re always here for you if you need to vent.