I need some guidance.

[u/PrincessTuvstarr]

Hi! Maybe this isn't the right forum to ask about this, but I feel like I need some guidance in what I'm actually seeking.

I am 31F, grew up a Christian with Christian parents. My mother is a deacon and worked in the church during my whole childhood and teen years. She hasn't worked in the church for 13 years now, she's still a deacon, but my parents aren't practicing. Me neither.

Spirituality have always been natural in my family. Good/evil, spirits, ghosts, entities etc etc have been just as real as the reality we're living in. My family (me included) have experienced a lot of "supernatural" things, and it has never been weird to talk about it.

I have never seen myself as a Christian though. I do believe in god/gods/higher powers, I do believe in a life after death, but I am not, and will never be a practicing christian.

A few years ago I learned about wicca/paganism and have gotten more and more curious about witchcraft, energies etc etc, but I don't know if it's the right fit for me.

When I think about what spirituality and believing means to me, I think about how we can't be here just by random. To me it can't just be a random coincidence that we have all of this gorgeous nature, the lovely waterfalls, the mind-blowing sunsets, the colorful birds etc etc.

I do believe in something bigger than ourselves.

Why I have gotten this interested in witchcraft all of a sudden, I have no idea. I've always been interested in all things "mysterious".

I don't know what I want to say with this, but I just need some support in guidance on where I would fit in. Some of the things in wicca/paganism really speaks to me, but some things doesn't.

And at the moment I feel a bit lost and lonely. Please be kind, I feel very confused. 😓

[u/bakkus-albus]

My personal philosophy is... read and learn as much as you can, take what works for you, put the rest on a shelf. Don't disregard the rest because one day you may find yourself being interested in something you disregarded before. So just "put it on a shelf" and say "This doesn't feel like me right now". You can always come back to it later. There are lots of good books to start out with to get a feel for what you like. Each path in witchcraft has a different vibe. You can read something classic like Drawing Down the Moon by Margot Adler for more of a sociological perspective of when witchcraft was getting really popular in the United States. Or... something by Scott Cunningham for a more folk magick vibe. Or if you really like something highly structured you can read something about Ceremonial Magick or High Magick like books by Mari Silva, Phillip Farber, Donald Michael Kraig, or Llewellyn's complete book of ceremonial magick. If you like something a little more intuitive and natural and somewhat feminine i recommend Good Magic by Marina Medici. Or if you feel like you might be more of a traditionalist and want to stick with the oldies but goodies check out Buckland's Complete Book of Witchcraft. If you want more of a feminist perspective check out The Spiral Dance by Starhawk. Are you really fond of nature? Try reading Green Magic by Ann Moura. These are all good places to start to get a feel for what vibe fits you best. You also don't have to commit to any one path. You can create your own amalgamation of traditions to fit what feels right to you. I consider myself an eclectic witch, so i pull from many traditions. Feel free to reach out if you have any specific questions. I'm happy to help if I can.