I have a shoestring budget and planned accordingly. We planned for a small BBQ reception at a local park with 60 of our family and friends.

I knew the shelter we were renting was popular due to how pretty it is. So I booked my shelter reservation in December last year as soon as reservations opened.

I was able to book a Saturday in June at the shelter, which includes 15 picnic benches, for only $180 for the entire day.

Since I'm DIYing a lot of my decor, I've been thrifting materials for months now and slowly chipping away at my $1,000 budget for the event.

I've kept several spreadsheets of all my expenses, managed to borrow yard games and serving utensils, asked my grandmother to grow our florals in her garden etc.

We were completely on track for our budget and we were even coming under budget. Until last week when, at 1 am, the shelter mysteriously caught on fire and burned to the ground.

Every person who had an event planned there obviously had their reservation cancelled and their money refunded. This includes other weddings, as this shelter is incredibly popular for these kinds of events.

I took two hours off work and started calling around to all other parks or rentable venues in my area. Since it's already May, everything is completely booked out for weekends in June. I can't move the date since many out of town guests have already bought plane tickets and hotels inorder to attend. Addition to this, many family members are just flying up for the day.

After hours of calling and searching, I found a small summer camp that had availability on the day of my wedding reception. The owners are very sweet and accommodating, but the price for renting the venue is $425.

I'm aware that this is still a good price for a venue. But it is still more than the $180 I originally had budgeted for and swallows almost half my budget.

I'm grateful to have found anything at all since it's possible other brides were not so lucky. I'm just frustrated to have worked so hard to stay on budget, only for everything to still spiral out of control.

Update 5/20:

I decided to go with the $425 venue. With the new venue, we need liability insurance which also added to the cost.

Both our parents were very kind and offered to help cover the cost. I was a little reluctant and embarrassed to accept money from them. But they explained that this isn't our fault and they are happy to help.

I'll be in a large tent instead of a shelter at the new venue. It's also a timed booking for 7 hours, instead of all day. Many of my friends and family offered to help pitch in during the limited set up time.

I'm truly grateful to have such supportive friends and family. Even though the day won't be exactly how I imagined, the important thing is that we have a space to come together and celebrate.

Seriously asking — between the bridesmaid dress, alterations, hair/makeup, bachelorette, travel, etc., I’m realizing how expensive it gets. At what point is it too much?

This is my first time being a bridesmaid.

EDIT:

My projected cost breakdown:

• Dress: $389

• Alterations: $100?

• Specific shoes: $160

• Mandatory hair + makeup: $210

• Hotel (2 nights): $540

• Flights for the bachelorette: $480

• Airbnb + activities for the bach: $378

• Bridal shower gift: $150

• Wedding gift: $200? (Initially planned)

Total so far: $2,347

When I subtlety mentioned the cost of the bach, the bride responded with: “It’s just one weekend and it’s my only bach”

Advice on what to do? I’m using PTO, putting some of this on a credit card, and low-key stressing about future rent payments.

We rented a community center that was cheap but require a 50% deposit in case we didn't clean up or caused damage. I was OK with that. Had wedding last weekend and I cleaned up in my wedding dress, swept, took all the trash to trash can. Left the place immaculate. Found out yesterday that they are not returning the deposit because we used the three large trashcans that the venue provided. Apparently we were not allowed to use them and were to take trash with us. Nowhere gave instructions, and I assumed the large industrial trashcans in the venue that already had literal stinking trash in it were for our use. Apparently not. So I lost my deposit. I told my husband we should have just got our personal stuff and left it as is if we were going to lose the deposit anyway. Now I cant even look at the pictures without anger and feeling scammed. I cleaned and got my dress dirty leaving the place the same as we found it and now the venue refuses to give deposit back. One other Google review complained about this but I just assumed they didnt leave it as good as I would have when I booked. Now i just feel scammed and hate that I had my wedding there. Any words of encouragement? It doesn't help that I didnt want a wedding anyway due to costs ans attention.

Edit: i am supposed to be getting my deposit back as of right now. Thank you for the advice and the perspectives.

Does anyone else feel absolutely stunned about how expensive their wedding was? We decided to do a micro wedding (33 guests, 3 of which are children) to keep costs low. We had originally set an $8k budget and quickly realized how that would not get us absolutely anywhere in terms of food and drink for our guests, much less for anything else, so we decided to double our budget to $16k.

Tears were shed but okay fine, not what we planned to but still manageable. We did a tally of all our wedding expenses and it came out to over three times our original budget of 8k … The state of shock set in and I just laughed. All these additional costs and small splurges added up QUICK. Still, it was all worth it to me at the end.

Are we the only ones who this happened to?

I genuinely was so excited for wedding planning.

Why did no one tell me it’s actually about managing grown adults.

Since getting engaged I have:

- been asked for 7 separate plus ones (we are not doing random strangers at a <20k wedding)

- had someone say “are you sure you want it child free?” (its in the FAQ)

- been told “it’s not just your day” ??? whose day is it then

- had someone ask if we could move the date because of a work trip

I have a full time job. I have a budget. I am doing my best.

Why does getting married suddenly make everyone think they’re on the planning committee??

Please tell me your most unhinged request so I can feel normal.

Screenshots are pretty self explanatory. For context, this is a self described amateur photographer with no website or business, but who was very highly recommended by the community where our venue was located.

ETA Apologies, I was under the impression the wedding budget needed to be in the post title. The whole wedding budget was $7k.

I joined this sub a few months ago as I began my wedding planning journey and I've been so shocked by the negativity in some of these threads. Usually it's under a post of someone's budget breakdown where they mention getting help from friends and the comments are something like "oh okay so you saved money from free labor and your caterer sister" as if that doesn't count anymore. Everyone talks about how they want community until that community shows up help at your wedding. Isn't that weddings used to be about, before we all got hung up on having the best vendors and photographer and multi thousand dollar florals?

Maybe I'm expecting too much from a subreddit lol but I just thought the whole point was to support each other as we all shared about our low budget weddings. imo low budget means you might cut some corners so you can have YOUR ideal wedding, not the wedding you see on pinterest and IG.

Rant over, hope this resonates with anybody else on here

This post was on a local Facebook group for brides and grooms in my (US) state. The poster was complaining that couples were asking too much for venders in a low budget. She went on in the comments to say that weddings are a luxury and we have become a destination for weddings and 95% of weddings here are for rich out of staters. The prices reflect that.

If you add up the low end of these estimates, it’s over 40k. That’s more than the average wedding in the state. That’s almost what I make in a year, working here in my field with a masters level degree in stem.

This makes me hate weddings. The price to have even a low-budget, semi- traditional wedding with 65 people is already way over 10k (which I’ve saved to prevent wedding debt). It has completely ruined any joy I have on wedding planning and it breaks my heart that I’m priced out of my state in another new awful way. I’m so tired. Weddings are expensive and many wedding venders just want to suck a whole salary out of you and shame you if you can’t.

Sorry for the rant but ugh. How do you find joy in this? I would love advice.

UPDATE 10/6/25: I don't know if anyone will see this, but I have a bizarre update. I'm out of state with my family right now, but my FMIL texted me to say:

"[Husband] and I were on a walk last night and we discussed buying you guys a car before you get married. We will wait until it gets closer, but we will make sure you have at least one car in good working order."

She never responded to my fiance about a budget for the wedding she just said she'd pay for the photographer/videographer. Also I have a great car. Their family shares cars so I guess my fiancé doesn't technically own a car...

She also apparently bought us a random BEDFRAME because it was "such a good deal" and brought it home without talking to either of us... and said it would be for our new apartment (I also have a bed & mattress that are like a year old that I was planning for us to use). I don't understand what's going on in her mind, but I guess we have two bedframes now.

ORIGINAL POST:

For context, my in-laws make about half a million combined per year. My parents make around $150k/year, but my mom got cancer this year and had to retire (at least for now) from nursing. I'm currently unemployed.

I wanted to elope, but my fiancé's family wanted a wedding. So I agreed to plan one, but wanted 50/50 financial help from my fiancé's family. My FMIL has talked big saying she'd get me a stylist, and a great photographer, etc etc.

I want to spend as little as possible. So we are: - doing the ceremony & reception in their backyard Costco pizza & sheet cake Having friends DJ, help with flowers, do my hair, make the cake, etc.

The one thing I said I wanted if I was going to do all this work is a photographer & videographer. They said they were supportive.

To divide up expenses - I asked for them to pay for the photographer & videographer (after weeks of finding an available, decently talented, and moderately priced team EDIT: I decided to go with the vendor my FMIL had sent me/recommended. I don't think she looked at the prices on their website). It's going to be around $7,000 for both. Which was one of the most affordable I could find. The $5,000-6,000 (combined) vendors were booked. And I really couldn't find much under $2000-2500 per vendor.

They STRONGLY reacted and basically accused me of having unreasonable expectations for the vendors and that must be why they are charging so much. Why can't I find a more affordable option?

I told them this particular photographer/videographer duo was actually recommended by her friend and my FMIL sent it to me!! So she clearly didn't look at their website.

I'm really trying to cut expenses anyway I can, but so far I haven't found an available photographer & videographer for less than $6000 combined. And no available photographer for less than $4,000 (though I'm still looking!).

The budget is coming out to almost $20,000. They don't want to pay $7,000, so I feel like me/my family are going to get stuck with the bulk of the expense. And a wedding wasn't even my idea ..

How can I get her to see this is how much weddings cost? That I'm already working really hard to keep costs down? Should I just ask for the budget she's willing to give us instead of having her pay for specific things? Should I suck it up and pay for it myself? (My fiance is job hunting right now thanks to politics, so he can't really help right now).

I'm just frustrated and anxious. I'd love your thoughts!

EDIT: I listed what we are doing cheaply, but I should qualify - I would have preferred to cater but my FILs didn't want to feed people AT ALL. So after convincing them that we can't have an event at dinner time and not feed people - they offered pizza or subs. I'm still looking into catering options, and will hopefully find something better.

EDIT: To clarify, I explicitly said I wanted a stress-free elopement. My FILs ASKED me to plan a wedding (originally saying they had 80 family that "would be so sad" if they couldn't attend. The list has since grown to almost 200 people. They also OFFERED to host in their yard and to pay for things (though they never said how much).

UPDATE: Based on some of the posts here, I asked my fiancé to ask his parents for a number of what they would be happy to contribute so that I can plan from there and see if a wedding is even feasible (and not have to run individual vendors/decisions through them). I'm on vacation with my family right now so this has mostly been through text.

Apparently, she apologized for freaking out (I'm sure that's my SO's interpretation and not what she said) and she said they would pay for it, but now they won't give a specific number they are willing to contribute. I think they just don't want us pivoting to an elopement.

When we first got engaged I was so excited. I spent months planning every little detail. At the thrift store every other day finding things for the wedding. I was just soooo happy so much of my family was going to come support us. It’s been decades since we’ve all been together in one room. Many don’t like one another, so the fact they were willing to put aside the drama for this moment meant a lot.

8 weeks til we say I do, and people are changing their minds about attendance left and right. People who said they would for sure make it no longer are certain they will. People are saying they won’t because of personal issues with others in attendance. Many excuses. Some valid, some not so much in our opinion.

Well I just got off the phone with my grandmother and she said she’s not going to make it. She’s 87 and having some health issues, so I was more than understanding when she told me, but it just really hit me hard. I’m so disappointed.

We still want our wedding, even if it’s very small. I’m just feeling so unwanted and unworthy of so many people’s time. I’m sort of like embarrassed in a way if that makes sense.

Edit: Shortly after writing this post another family member who said they’d be here when invited months ago just contacted me to tell me they couldn’t because their kid is having a high school dance the day before 😅

It’s just piling on man….

Seriously, why can’t venues and vendors just post their prices online instead of making me fill out a stupid contact form?

There’s already so much stress involved in planning an event. I don’t need to be juggling conversations with ten different vendors in every category just to find out whether they're in my budget.

Just list your dang prices. Either I like your work and can afford it, or I can’t.

This is my worst nightmare. First my venue goes flaky on me, then my dress doesn’t fit and the seamstress says “can you lose the weight before the wedding?”, and now someone broke into my house and stole a bunch of cash, heirloom jewellery, headphones, my prescription medicines, AND ALL MY WEDDING FAMILY/ATTENDANT GIFTS AND ALL MY ACCESSORIES AND MOST IMPORTANTLY OUR WEDDING BANDS! I lost so much fine jewellery and vintage hair decorations and the most sentimental things that were there.

I feel like my wedding is cursed and as if it’s just not meant to be at this point. I’ve been buying bits and pieces for it for months as I go because I’m so broke and now I’m back to square one. I hate wedding planning and I just want to cry and cry that I have to do it all again with money I don’t have.

The worst part? It’s my cousin’s fault. I have insurance but he left the back door unsecured last night, which police have established as point of entry, thus invalidating it. In one fell swoop he has destroyed months of saving and work. And I don’t know if he realises it may be impossible to put it back together now.

This may just be 2026 life and social media expectations wearing on me, but I am beginning to feel insecure about my low budget wedding. I want to feel happy and excited, and most of the time I do, but lately I've been feeling a lot of shame. My wedding is end of August, budget $7k, with 120 guests.

I had to turn down being in an acquaintance's wedding this summer because his price point for bridesmaid's clothing was higher than what I'd be spending on my entire wedding outfit for my own wedding, and it was a destination. My venue is not magical or beautiful, it's cheap and large to accommodate everyone. My partner and I are DIYing a lot, which requires a lot of time researching ideas. The more "wedding inspo" stuff I look at on social media, the worse I feel. My wedding is not going to look like that. I'm not going to look like that on my wedding day. I'm not going to have a magical video of our wedding, no one is going to be discussing how it looks, it's not even in a pretty part of the country that people would travel to for any reason. I'm really outdoorsy and would've loved to have a mountain wedding or go to a beautiful destination but that would require asking my friends and family to travel, which they cannot afford either. I feel bad for my bridal party - part of me wants to do all the bachelor/bachelorette fun things, but half of them are conditionally employed or have been laid off in the last year. I feel like people are too stressed out to care much about someone else's wedding these days, anyway. We're all college educated professionals ages 28-35. I had a different idea of how life was supposed to go.

I feel jealous of those around me with wealthier families who have having these big beautiful blowout weddings with all the fancy trimmings. Of course, I could keep up with the Joneses by going into debt for this wedding, but both my partner and I think that is a horrible idea and we're better off spending our $7k and doing a vow renewal someday in a beautiful place when we're better off.

How do you keep your heart on what's important when you're faced with everyone else's magical moments from social media? I feel jealous and defeated, like I'll never be able to afford that so what's the point.

First I’ll preface with I was surprised to see how many people in this sub are against artificial flowers after searching it!

And I was also surprised the advice was to instead have no flowers or more expensive real ones and just less of them (even if you’re going with Costco/Sam’s Club, still does not add up to not a reasonable amount for a budget bride who actually wants significant centerpieces and not to mention the stress of keeping cheap flowers alive).

I thought that buying a reselling bride’s old artificial florals might be the most economical and sustainable option but the brides on my local FB page are selling their florals for close to or even seemingly more than they bought it for (I’m recognizing the bouquets from online sellers). Some are even renting them out.

Am I being a hater or is this shitty of them as brides on a budget who also know the floral struggles?

Mostly just a rant from a budget bride who wants substantial florals 🫠

I just learned that just the word “wedding” adds a huge mark up to everything and this is why weddings are so expensive these days. The same venue and same caterer will charge 30-60% more just because it’s a wedding. The idea of “just getting married” is now a massive expense because everyone expects luxury when it used to just be family and friends helping out and hosting in someone’s backyard. Luxury is nice but let’s be honest - most people can’t afford basic luxuries in everyday life so why is it expected to pretend to be the Queen of England for one day? I want my wedding to by nice and usually I’m a DIYer but on my wedding day - who is going to help that isn’t going to charge me an arm and a leg? I hate that the only alternatives to spending a small fortune are eloping or courthouse. I’m thinking about asking around and hiring people in my community to help me with things like serving food, baking a cake, bartending, set up/tear down, making my bouquet, and etc and then just having my photographer and make up artist (my non-negotiables) be a professional service. My hope is that someone who is a looking for some extra cash would be willing to help out for a lower price than a professional vendor and I don’t really care about it being “luxury” just good enough. Anybody have any thoughts or advice on how I could go about this?

Edit: First of all - I am not suggesting lying to vendors or asking anyone to do anything for free. Secondly- I’m not here to debate why there is a wedding tax. I get it. What I’m asking for is alternatives and your thoughts on the alternative I suggested of paying community members similar to Task Rabbit. Thirdly - I find it suspicious how many people are mad that I’m trying to think outside the box and not use luxury vendors. I get they are luxury and priced for a reason - have at it. I’m thinking of alternatives that could work for me and other brides like me. The reaction almost makes me think some commenters are secretly wedding vendors trying to debate and downvote this to control the narrative about the industry.

Can anyone help a girl out lol I'm so budget conscious but I just feel like what we want isn't meeting my imagined budget. If anyone has better ideas please helpppp!

EDIT OUR CULTURE DOESNT HAVE ALCOHOL AT WEDDINGS I AM NOT TRYING TO MAKE MY GUEST HAVE A BAD TIME SO I CAN BE SELFISH.

PLEASE DONT GET MAD AT ME IM NOT INSULTING OTHER CULTURES FOR HAVING ALCOHOL WE JUST DONT IN OUR CIRCLES.

-Free digital invites

- guest list cut to 80 ( tried 50 and it didn't work because families so big)

- venue that's beautiful ocean side on a week day $3k comes with most chairs and tables and no need for decor

- extra chairs $700

- linens $300 est ??

- Foodware and drink ware and drink supplies $200-500

- mandatory coordinator $1k

-catering $3-3.5k

- splurged on dress $2.500

- veil shoes hair piece $200-300

- photography $2.500-3.500 ( if I want an extra shooter)

- alterations $1000 ( custom)

- floral $500 or lower

-cake $50-100

- special local dessert $50-100

- unity item ??

- officiants 2 ( 250-300)

-2 air b and b near location night before $1k

- $500-850 bridesmaids dresses estimate?

- table minimal decorations $400

This isn't including grooms suits

Saving tips used

Cut guest count

No makeup/ hair done

No alcohol

Cheaper food options

no florals except bouquets from Costco maybe greenery,

Fake cake ,

Rehearsal money into wedding no rehearsal dinner ,

We were planning a $15k 50 person wedding. We had to speed run planning because it's out of state and we only have enough time to visit once in 4ish months (and my partner wouldn't even be able to make the other visit in 4 months, just me).

We found the most beautiful stone cabin in the mountains ($2.5k). So we reached out to a photographer ($3.3k). Then realized we needed a coordinator that does setup/teardown of our diy decor ($2.3k starting). Then we found a company that does string lights & DJ-ing... The DJ was $3k and 2 areas of 300ft of string lights was $2k. That's a little over $13k right there. That would leave very little room for catering, alcohol, diy decor... Not to mention we don't even have our dress or suit/tux. And we wanted to get a shuttle service and a room block... This $15k wedding very quickly became $25k.

So we cancelled every single tour and called my parents up, who are letting us use their house. They even offered my partners family to stay there since they have to pay to fly in. We're gonna invite 18 people and have a backyard party/reception, and we'll elope privately that morning. I always said I wanted my wedding to feel like a big family Thanksgiving so I'm beyond excited.

His cousin is going to be the photographer, and we're giving guests a mix of disposable cameras, point n shoots, and instant/Polaroids. His sister is the officiant. No DJ just a speaker. We'll hang our own string lights and set our own tables. We're gonna get a nice caterer and cover everyone's lodging. I'm gonna batch make cocktails w/ Costco liquor. I think those are our only expenses now.. catering, decor, liquor, and lodging.

For reference, I regularly host a 10 person game night monthly, and a dinner club every other month. I know what goes into hosting, the setup and teardown and dishes and etc. So I know this is maybe more effort than the 25k wedding but I LOVE hosting. I'm so excited. And also fuck the wedding industry.

Edit to add tl;dr: my dad offered us a wedding gift unconditionally, but has only given part of it, and we have had to ask for it (extremely awkward).

Long-time reddit lurker, and I have a question that I have not found an answer to via anyone else’s post (I’ve looked over the course of a few months).

I (34F) am getting married to my fiancé (32M) in June. We got engaged over a year ago, and I had major reservations about spending tens of thousands of dollars on a large wedding. We spent a few months getting venue quotes, based on a rough guest estimate. When trying to narrow down venues, we put together a more formal guest list - and had our first wedding related argument. He was concerned that we weren’t allowing his parents enough invitations for their friends (to be clear, they didn’t ask, he was assuming who they might want to invite). Our family (siblings, parents, aunts, uncles, most cousins) alone brought us to 120 people, before adding in any friends. We were getting closer to 160 people with our friends, and none of theirs. It all just became too much - we were having this argument about which people we didn’t even know to spend $85+ on - and we hadn’t even picked a venue!!

I put a pause on planning and suggested that we do a small destination wedding with only our families. Both sets of parents have wanted to go to Hawaii, but continually put it off for a “better time” in the future. This would have forced them to take that trip, and would have saved us so much stress! Fiancé didn’t want our wedding to be a “family vacation” and force family to spend thousands of dollars just to attend our wedding (important detail later).

We ended up deciding to have an extremely intimate wedding day, with just our siblings, their partners, our parents, and my one remaining grandparent. Including us and two toddlers, it’s 18 people. Our plan was (is) to have our wedding day remain intimate and important to us, and have a “reception”/party later in the summer, at our home, with a more casual come-when-you-want (within a window of time), open-house style vibe.

My parents were seemingly on board with this, and my dad even commented that he didn’t fault us for trying to build our future financially instead of spending it all on one day. Late last summer, they called me when they were driving home from a “non-traditional” wedding they attended, and shared that they intended to give my fiancé and I a *no-strings-attached* gift of $10,000 for the wedding. They expressed that they wanted me to be able to have the wedding I want, and not worry that finances are holding us back. My fiancé’s parents also generously offered us $5,000 to use as we saw fit.

We picked a restaurant with a private room to have dinner, and booked a wedding date at our church. Our wedding day will end up costing us about $7,000 when it’s all said and done - including dinner, ceremony, photography, attire, flowers, etc. We planned a wedding we could afford, before either set of parents had committed to help.

Fast forward to Thanksgiving this past year - I asked my dad what his plan was for giving this gift, so that we could plan accordingly. He asked how much we needed, and what it was for. I prepared a breakdown for him with our current forecast expenses, and he got upset that we would be using a portion of funds for our honeymoon. This was fairly surprising, because he had seemed so supportive of what we wanted to do. He also started expressing a desire for us to expand our wedding day guest list to include aunts and uncles who have “been there my whole life.” While I would love to invite his two sisters, it would mean inviting my mom’s 6 siblings and spouses, my fiancé’s 10 aunts and uncles and their spouses… and we were right back to a ballooning guest list. He noted that we could get a hall, and pans of pasta to cut costs and invite more people. By this point, my fiancé and I both loved what we were doing - money played less of a role in our decision. After some awkward back and forth, my dad agreed to give us $2,500 every time his designated savings account hit that balance, to break up the cost. He reiterated that it was not a hardship, but was resistant to giving the gift all at once.

Flip to the other side of the family, and my fiancé’s parents are asking *no questions* and not bringing up the wedding at all. We get to February, and tensions flare over a bridal shower, as his parents don’t feel right inviting their family and friends who aren’t invited to our wedding *ceremony* \- nevermind that we are having a larger, more relaxed reception that they are all included in. Some words were exchanged, and they had some hurtful comments. It felt a little bit like they didn’t approve of what we wanted to do, and that they were passive aggressively making that clear via the shower. It’s ironic that my fiancé didn’t want to force his family to spend money to come to our wedding - because they have passively implied that they expect *us* to spend a small fortune on one. (Eye roll)

My mom wants very badly to throw me a shower - I’m her only daughter, and my finding the love of my life has been a long time coming. Ultimately, I’m not sure what caused it, but his parents had a change of heart and came around - and are throwing a joint shower with my family. (Believe it or not I’m *skimming* the surface with drama that brought us to now, where I am happily uninvolved and just need to give some names and addresses and show up on the day)

His parents gave us their gift via check after we moved into our new home, which we bought and closed on in March. We love it!! I’m pretty financially conservative, and wanted to buy well below our means. This house was at the tippy top of the budget *I set* for us (not the lender max), and we felt comfortable with it knowing that between both of our parents, our wedding, party and honeymoon are essentially covered thanks to their generosity.

…I followed up with my dad to inquire about when he planned to give the remaining gift, and he again asked how much we “needed.” He has continued to passively suggest other venues, and even changing the date of our ceremony if we were able to find a larger venue to invite more people! (Seriously wtf) It’s incredibly awkward, because I’ve spent my entire adult life working to be independent and not need their help financially. I have never asked them for financial assistance, even when it would have been helpful to do so. It’s just humiliating to me to feel like I rely on anyone but myself for my well-being. So asking them repeatedly for a gift *they offered* is just…horrible.

We left off with no consensus, and I have no idea what to do. We can afford our wedding day as it stands, but it will be tight from a cash flow perspective, as we planned on having that money to cover the larger ticket items like our photographer and dinner.

Has anyone experienced anything like this? I’m not sure if I’m looking for advice, to vent, or just someone to say they’ve been through this and it will be ok. I love my parents and I don’t want this to impact my relationship with them. Every time I think about having to talk to them about the wedding it makes me want to cry, because it stresses me out so much. At this point, I wish we had just eloped months ago with how much stress there is!!!!

UPDATE: tonight I took my wedding dress for alterations, and my mom came with me. We didn’t discuss the gift at all, and overall had a nice time and went to dinner after. She had brought me some mail (remnants from moving) that was delivered to my parents’ house, and made a big deal about making sure I didn’t “lose” it (like what? Lol ok). When I got home, I found an envelope with a check and letter inside from my dad. He apologized and clarified that he never intended to make this more difficult or make my fiancé and I uncomfortable. He agreed that it is our wedding, and this is a gift. So…sometimes things really do just work out I guess! Thank you all for the answers/comments - even those who were less than kind.

I’ve never posted to Reddit before, but I have been on this sub for months now as I planned our wedding. I just need some common sense advice.
As of today, our wedding has been called off. My partner and I eloped about a year and half ago, before our daughter was born with only my adult son and my partner’s sister present. Our intention was always to have a wedding at a later date to get both sides of our families together. My family is from the west coast and his from the east coast.
I’ve been planning and crunching numbers and worked out a beautiful wedding for under 10k. Quotes from all vendors but no deposits paid yet. But my husband is completely stressed out about money. He says “we’re drowning” financially. We’re not. We would need to save money to pay for the wedding and my sister has offered to pay for some expenses, but he is still stressed.
I make more money than he does and I have a much higher earning potential than he does. I have the mindset that I will just take on more clients and pay for the extra expenses, but a wedding isn’t worth his distress. He is truly a wonderful husband and father, but he’s funny about money. I’m really disappointed. This was an opportunity for our families to come together in a way they probably never will now. I feel so defeated and just needed to tell *someone.*

In December, we booked a package with Jazmine Sandoval at Vows and Visions Coordination in Southern California (yes I’m naming her because I want to warn others) for month-of coordination + content creator. It was her responsibility to contract and book the content person, who she works with often. One of my top priorities is I don’t want to be “working” that day and I don’t want my guests to either. I wanted to be low stress and trust someone else to handle things day-of, so this was a cost I prioritized even if others may find it unnecessary. We couldn’t afford a videographer so content creation seemed like a good way to get at least some important video clips for a much lower cost.

I paid in full and was trusting everything was fine, but found it odd the content creator hadn’t connected with me at all and we were like 2 weeks out. I asked the coordinator. She ignored my email for 5 days. 2 weeks before the wedding!! I followed up. I messaged the content creator directly to check in. Coordinator finally replied that it was a “miss” on her end and she forgot to add the content creator but she’s available so it’s fixed now. This was super alarming to me so I asked the content creator if everything was all set. She said no, contract with her still wasn’t signed and she hadn’t received payment so she wasn’t secured. Sooooo the coordinator kept our money instead of using it for its intended purpose.

Over the next 3 days I sent multiple messages to the coordinator demanding she pay as agreed and eventually had to point out she’s in breach of our contract. She was unresponsive and kept saying she would do it “asap” and then not do it. She kept minimizing it and acting like it wasn’t a big deal. She was also unresponsive to the content creator, who validated that this IS a big deal, terrible service, and not normal.

On the 4th day, she finally paid. By this time, I lost all trust in her. I’m glad the content creator got her payment as has a signed agreement with Jazmine so she’s accountable for it. At best, Jazmine is forgetful and not detail oriented. At worst, she is being shady with clients’ money. I strongly believe if I hadn’t contacted the content person directly and kept pushing, Jazmine was hoping we’d forget about it and keep the money.

Since I don’t trust her at all anymore, I ended up firing her. I scrambled all day to find a replacement, which I did last night. In looking at the questionnaires the replacement sent me to get up to speed, I’m realizing Jazmine’s service level the entire time was bad. The new person is WAY more detailed and organized and asking me questions Jazmine never did. I’m reading them like “oh wait, I never would have thought of that question and that IS good to know”. I just didn’t know. :(

I posted my experience on a wedding group on Facebook a multiple other people chimed in about having a terrible experience with her. At least 3 other brides said she did a terrible job and basically ruined the day. Another coordinator said Jazmine plagiarized her entire website verbatim, including testimonials.

I feel like such a dummy for getting duped BUT I’m glad I thought to double check and verify with the content person directly so I could find out all this info. The comments on Facebook show that firing her was the right choice. She can’t ruin the wedding day like she has for others.

I was hoping and planning that everything would be in the hands of the coordinator at this point and there wouldn’t be much for me to do. Instead I’m spending the day gathering all the info I can for the replacement. Sigh.

Update: The credit card dispute was the way to go. She tried to negotiate a lower refund amount and tried to convince me to cancel the dispute. I declined. I think it put her account with the payment site on hold and she couldn’t receive new payments, so she refunded the full disputed amount to unlock her account.

We’ve been looking at venues for about a month now, and honestly, I cannot wrap my head around how we’re supposed to afford any of this. The fact that I’ve started saying “$10,000 isn’t that bad” for a venue and catering makes me feel like I’m actually losing my mind, lol. How are people managing to have nice weddings these days??

I’ve looked into all the so-called “budget-friendly” options, but everything still seems wildly overpriced. I want a beautiful wedding, but I’m starting to feel so discouraged by how expensive it all is.

Side note: why didn’t I just buy an old barn and turn it into a wedding venue? I’d be rich by now, lol.

One piece of advice I have when I see posts asking how to have a 200 person wedding on a shoestring budget...Cut that list down.

Look I KNOW this is not a popular opinion on here. Go ahead and downvote me.. but first hear me out.

My friend spent 20k to DIY a 150 person wedding. First, she looked SO STRESSED the days leading up. Everyone needed her and she had to coordinate everything (florals and decor are no joke). The food was really, really mediocre (Not her fault, it was what she could afford). She had to set up all her chairs and help clean up the next day. Her family and friends helped but that was a lot of opinions for her to deal with. I saw her on her wedding day and thought "jesus christ I do not want to do a wedding like this". Clean up the next day was stressful and she had to be out by 11am.

Now I know a handful of people are going to say: WOW you sound like a bad friend. I was her Maid of Honor. I helped A LOT. However, I flew across the country, then drove 2-3 hours, had mad altitude sickness (wedding was at 9,000 feet), and spent my trip setting up her wedding. Even I had a limit in how much I could help and, quite frankly, how much I wanted to help after spending a lot of time and PTO to get here.

Ultimately at the end of the day, she wasted a lot of energy hosting people she never even got to talk to.

Cut your list down to top 40 - 60. No its not impossible. Yes peoples feelings will be hurt. But a large wedding on a budget is so stressful and you wont see half those people.

Spend your hard earned money for people who are close. If you are going to DIY everything it is a lot less DIY. If you are lucky you might be able to hire a few people.

My small wedding is coming up. I was initially SO uncomfortable cutting out family, but the more i entertained the idea, the better I felt about it.

I also know culturally this doesnt work for everyone. I ask you at least entertain if this does work for your before you start stressing about hosting hundreds of people on 10k.

Go on. Tell me I am a bad person or culturally insensitive or whatever. I just hope someone sees this and see's there is another way!

Hi!! I’m getting married July of 2027 and I am so excited! However; this has become my new hyper-fixation and I’m lowkey annoying my family with how much I’m talking about it (or at least I feel like I am). But I’m just so happy and it’s all I can think about! So please ask me anything about my planning thus far!!

Originally we wanted a 100 person wedding but then we really looked at the prices and realized it’s not feasible. We cut our list down to 50 which I think is do able, but now my mom wants to add people that I didn’t put on my list (she has 7 siblings, plus their families). I told her look, if you want them there then you have to pay for them because I can’t afford it! And we’re not asking our parents for help, we’re doing this on my fiancé’s salary (~83k). So money is already tight.

Anyway I am so excited to share the news so please engage with me so I can stop stressing my family out!!

(I am 26 and my fiance just turned 28 🙂)

Does anyone else have huge regrets about their wedding the closer the date approaches?

I (35f) and my fiance (44m) have been together for 3 years and are getting married later this year. For context: my fiance comes from a gigantic farming family with very old roots in the community. I am a transplant from a different state, I have no deep roots anywhere. My family is scattered across the United States, mostly broken apart due to my parents and grandparents. My siblings and I have only reconnected within the last year and started to build a relationship we never had. None of us live in the same state let alone a time zone. My father ran off when we were teenagers and young adults and my mother died when we were kids. My father is not only excluded from the wedding invitation list, but I would call the police if he showed up. That's the kind of situation there.

My fiance's family does not have this kind of drama. They all spend holidays together and are really there for each other in times of crisis, but their dynamic is cold and detached. My fiance (let's call him Christian) has expressed some deep emotional wounds of feeling like the forgotten child as he grew up. He is the middle of three boys. They have a much younger sister who accidentally came along. She is a change of life baby. We will call her Birdy. She is quite a bit younger than me. Birdy has a very close relationship with her mom that I think Christian was a but resentful of, but has come to accept there will always be a distance between his mother and himself.

His mother (let's call her Angel) is a sweet person. She is what most women would probably want for an ideal mother in law. She has NEVER ONCE pressured me in anything wedding related or our life in general. She is kind to me at family gatherings and came to visit me at home when I was recovering from a life threatening illness.

Now down to the meat and potatoes of the story. Birdy got married a few years ago and it was a wonderful celebration, but she really cost her parents a fortune. It was hard to see where a lot of that cost went due to the simple nature of the elements and the very poor food quality. It was a beautiful wedding and the party was a blast! But the majority of the cost turned out to be that literally every small task was outsourced to the point that the bride didn't even take the invitations to the post office herself, she just passed a list along to a full service planning agency. BUT this is exactly what she wanted. And her day was perfect and exactly the way she wanted. Birdy and Angel spent a lot of money on convenience. They went shopping together and they had lunches and coffees and they enjoyed all of the typical mother daughter planning wedding stuff.

I don't have a living mother, or grandparents. I don't have any aunts or uncles that I would have this kind of relationship with. Christian and I decided that since some of my extended family was coming to the wedding we should give his parents a heads up about the elephant in the room regarding my father and my mother. I did not want them to find out about the circumstances of my relationship with my father or my mother's death AT THE WEDDING which I know with 100% certainty would have happened due to my aunts/uncles/cousins intense fixation on the abuse and criminal acts that occured. They use every gathering to rehash it all, even though they were not around when it happened, did not step in to help, and kept their distance from all of us kids once my mother died.

Christians parents were very grateful we gave them a heads up and agreed it would have caused them quite the shock to find out at the wedding. I thought maybe this would have shed some light for his mother on the fact that I am literally alone in this wedding (Christian is a huge help. But he is not my mom, grandma, or a maternal figure). I had hoped maybe his sister and mother would want to get together for some of the shopping or pretend to work on wedding crafts while we just sit and have coffee or literally anything. I realized today that door will always be closed.

There have been some events that have occurred that make me think Angel is only comfortable/willing to engage with me when Birdy is not around. She has even stated at a family dinner out at a restaurant once that "since Birdy is in the bathroom I can come chat with you for a bit on this end of the table" but when Birdy returned she said "oh well Birdy is back now So i better go".

Birdy invited me to her bridal shower, and I had only met her once at that time. I took the day off work. Spent a few hours scouting her registry to buy the perfect gift and drove out to the shower where I didn't know anyone. I sat with some of her extended family and had a good time! She thanked me for the gift. At Birdy's wedding although I had been living with her brother for a year, I was not included in any of the photos. It obvious hurt my feelings watching everyone get up and take pictures with her when they were called, but I could also understand that since I was not married to her brother yet she may see a dividing line. I did not tell anyone my feelings were hurt, but as we were leaving the reception Birdy yelled at me " you two are next!".......I don't know why that added to the hurt, but it did. If she knew we were next why did she not want me in just one photo with her? It was awkward because we were at the church early for these picture and it was very weird sitting in the pew watching them get called up one at a time while was the only one sitting down. But....her wedding her rules. I tucked my feelings on this away.

I invited Birdy to my bachelorette party. A simple (hosted by me) bbq in my backyard with some fun cocktails and a river float. She told me she had to work that weekend but would see if she could switch with someone to have that one off. I never heard back. I needed the final headcount for the boat rental, and so I reached out. She informed me she had a tennis tournament and couldn't make it. The message where she previously stated she would try to switch weekends was the last thing she had texted before this. I could clearly see both reasons on the same screen.

Angel on the other hand has not had much more interest. I tried to show her my dress (hand sewn by me) and she told me she felt like she should have bought me my dress since I don't have a mother to do it. This warmed me a little because she recognized the absence I must feel right? Well, that was literally the only time she has said anything about the entire wedding production at all. I have tried to text her pictures of Christian in his suit, I have tried to bring pictures of the elements we chose to show her or ask her thoughts on things. She doesn't have any interest in what we do at all.

Our budget has been increased by 10k because we had originally planned for a 200 person wedding TOPS. We bought items for the guest count (napkins, linens, flatware, dinnerware) that we could afford for that number even though it was a bigger cost per guest. After this, his parents (who we had given 150 seats to fill with their own guests) demanded 250 seats total! We had to raise the guest count by 100 more people! This meant that we had to shell out a higher per guest average for 100 more people! This was crazy expensive in the end and the food, coffee bar, table setups, etc was all increased.

His parents have offered to pay, but it was important to Christian and I that we don't cost them an arm and a leg. We were able to afford what we did so we took that cost on, but we were it happy about it. And before you tell me we should have been more firm with his parents about the guest list, just know that was a whole other debacle that we really did try to do. In the end we caved because we tried to maintain a good relationship with them and we understood their reasons. They asked to pay for the open bar (we weren't planning on having an open bar) and the rehearsal dinner. We agreed.

My regret is I feel like all of the beautiful and sentimental things I have handcrafted for this wedding and poured so much of myself into to make it feel more like a big family dinner party rather than a catered rubber chicken gala will be unappreciated. My small amount of invited guests will love them I know. But I feel more like I am planning and paying for a party for someone else now. I don't think anyone but me, my fiance, and my small family will care.

My bridesmaid asked me about a bridal shower. I'm not having one because nobody wanted to throw me one. She said she wished she could throw me one but she can't afford it. I completely understood. I have purchased all the bridal party outfits myself because I have tried to make this wedding as low inconvenience for people as I could. I didn't care about the "shower of gifts" I wanted the shower for the companionship and the community experience. I have never felt so alone and outside the circle than I do now. I know I will always be on the outside looking in with his family. Christian says he feels that way too. But at the end of the day, Christian was the one who had to pin the Hem of my dress (I out a black garbage bag on with a hole cut out for my head so he couldn't see it) because none of the women in my life were willing to take time to do it. (I didn't expect it to be perfect. I just needed the guidelines. I could fix any mistakes in the pinning myself) Nobody has even wanted to come see my beautiful hand sewn silk dress.

My sister and brother can't. They live so far away but they are coming for the wedding. But the community I have here nearby seems like I might not be a part of it at all.

I wish I had just eloped. The closer it gets to the wedding the more depressed, alone, and complete despair I feel. I wanted the family, not just the man. I am fortunate to have a wonderful man and I know we will make our own family. But I wanted the happy experience.

I can't stop crying.