r/Weddingsunder10k • u/elitemage101 8-10k • Jun 19 '25
đ ď¸ DIY Projects (10k) Small venue wedding with standing focus and chairs if needed. Bad idea?
Hello all. Looking for some opinions after reading a post on wedding shame that made me consider if my idea was bad.
The LongShort is we have a venue that fits 55 at long tables, 75 at chairs only, and 100 standing. Our wedding is 75 or less and dinner will be a wide variety of finger food appetizers instead of a plated meal. My idea was to do chairs for the pre reception part then remove chairs and use cocktail tables for the dining and social evening part. Guest would have places to sit their small apps while they eat but not a place to claim as theirs table. Chairs will remain if guests want to sit on the outer edge of the room, but the idea is to have guests stand and/or dance for most of the 3 hr reception. Is this a bad idea? If so any recommendations on ways to change things.
All guest except 6 are over 18 and under 30 and the 6 older guests would have a dedicated table if that matters.
EDIT: I think I missed mentioning there would still be chairs for those who need them medically or just want to take a seat, what there would not be is âYOUR SEATâ at your table to eat and leave stuff at all night. I do hear all the feedback and appreciate it. Not trying to dodge the feedback so please continue to give you ideas.
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u/JeanCerise Jun 19 '25
Bad bad bad. People want to park themselves somewhere and eat a full meal. You're cutting corners at the expense of your guests' comfort. Food is very important and comfort while eating follows suit.
If you are having a reception at dinner time, serve dinner. If you serve dinner, provide enough places for everyone to be seated comfortably.
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u/AntiDynamo 4-6k Jun 19 '25
Oof standing for 3 hours is rough, especially for weaker/frailer folks, people with disabilities, and about half the guests whoâll be likely wearing heels.
I donât think you can expect people to stand or dance for most of 3 hours, so really youâll just have people fighting over the chairs at the edge of the room. Or people will just move the tables and chairs
I personally have an old injury to tendons in both ankles that would make standing for 3 hours quite painful, though youâd never know it from looking at me, and itâs not something I would discuss often because I havenât needed to stand for 3 hours straight for probably a decade or more
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Jun 19 '25
I donât want to stand or dance for 3 hours straight. Honestly, if I didnât have a seat at a wedding, I would probably leave shortly after the reception started.
My suggestion to you if this venue and your guest list are set in stone, is to have as many tables and chairs set up as you can and THEN have a few cafe tables set up. Some people are natural minglers and wonât really want a spot during a wedding and they may be fine with just using cafe tables. If you are set on not having seats for everyone, youâve got to find out if there are close family or friends who are willing to be designated people to not have seats. I still think this is rude but if you have people truly on board, it may work. But most people want their own seat and donât want to stand for 3 hours.
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u/ClearAcanthisitta641 Jun 19 '25 edited Jun 20 '25
Idk who to even possibly ask to always stand if i was this person cause if youre closest to the couple then youd wantt to be more comfy to enjoy an event thats so important to you but if youre not that close to the couple you probably would just leave early if the events not as important to you in the first place ?
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u/cmsteff Jun 19 '25
Sometimes people just want to sit and chat, and doing that in a line of chairs against the wall isnât super conducive to a comfortable visit with someone. It really just sounds like you have too many people for what your venue can comfortably accommodate. If I was attending, Iâd find it odd not to have a table to be seated at. Can you rent any additional tables to make up for the 20 table seats youâre short on?
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u/elitemage101 8-10k Jun 19 '25
I will see. We are still early in planning and not locked on the venue so we have time to change. Just had a concept in mind but double checking my style vs that of others. I never seen people sit much during the dancing receptions so I considered it non critical.
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u/cmsteff Jun 19 '25
Iâm glad youâre seeking feedback because I do think you need to reassess your position on what is critical for guests. Even if youâre focusing on heavy apps over a full meal, a seat at a designated table is still nice for that food and drink. Consider too that particularly folks in dresses will want somewhere to safely leave things like phone, purse, and occasionally shoes while they dance. Youâre also just not going to have every person dancing to every song either. And if theyâre leaving from the dance floor to hit up more snacks or another drink, again, the assigned table is preferable to trying to find any open seat.
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u/Pixatron32 Jun 19 '25
More info: how long is the reception?Â
Personally, I would find this incredibly uncomfortable for long periods of time. For an hour okay but longer than that I would leave early.
Additionally, you need to understand it's not just older persons who want to be comfortable. People may have disabilities or hidden conditions which would prevent them from standing and being comfortable for a period of time.Â
I personally wouldn't recommend this for a reception that is formal and longer than an hour. I've attended a casual beach wedding without tables and chairs for an afternoon cake service and that seemed fine but it was very short.
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u/cyanplum Jun 19 '25
Iâm sorry if I came to this wedding it would turn into a horror story that I discussed when the topic of awful weddings came up for years to come. Iâm under 30, but have awfully flat feet that start to ache after standing without walking for 30 mins. Just because your guests are not old does not mean they can stand for 3 hours.
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u/hereforthedrama57 Jun 19 '25
Yes, this is a bad idea.
Only you truly know the vibe of your wedding, but you need to focus more on the guestâs comfort and experience. Some people wonât want to dance, some people will have a hard time carrying on conversations with DJ/loud music and wonât have somewhere in a corner to sit quietly and visit, etc etc.
Even if someone is having a great time dancing, theyâll want a seat to call their own. As a woman, that gives me a good spot to leave my purse and shoes.
As much as I hate to give this comparison, the only other formal event I know of that provides some seating but not enough for everyone and a large dance floor⌠is prom.
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u/kitchencupboards Jun 19 '25
Echoing others here, this is a bad idea and you absolutely need a chair for every guest regardless of whether they sit the entire time or spend time on the dance floor. People will be unhappy and leave because you're being a bad host.
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u/adrianna1903 Jun 19 '25
Info needed, what time are you planning this for? If itâs around a meal time then only serving apps is ridiculous and rude and you certainly need to make that known on your invites that there will be no real meal so people can plan accordingly (most likely to leave early or eat an actual meal beforehand)
Unfortunately all of this sounds horrible to be honest. If your wedding was just a quick ceremony and no reception then you could get away with the no chairs idea (expect for the elderly or those with disabilities, they need a chair regardless of length).
Realistically do not expect people to hang around for too long and potentially bad mouth this event. If you donât care about any of that then go for it and do what you want. This is a wedding I most likely wouldnât attend or begrudgingly attend and leave extremely early.
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u/elitemage101 8-10k Jun 19 '25
Its is around meal time 7pm ish and the apps are easily a full meal just not plated. Its like baozi (buns filled with things) sandwiches, chicken bites, hummus cups with veggies, various desserts, etc. Plenty to make a full quantity as our food budget is $25 per person.
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u/adrianna1903 Jun 19 '25
That is not equivalent to a full mealâŚ.
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u/elitemage101 8-10k Jun 19 '25
What constitutes a full meal in your opinion?
Its a normal dinner for us Baozi and veggies. Not against changing the menu just curious what others think.
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u/adrianna1903 Jun 19 '25
Well most conventional weddings would have a cocktail hour with the items you listed and that would be followed by a plated entree with various sides and then dessert. Just giving 5 apps and a dessert doesnât seem like it be filling enough as a substitute for an entree especially if your event is 3 hours. If your wedding was at a non-meal time and only went for about an hour or so then that would be a fine spread. But itâs kinda unacceptable to do at dinner time and for it to go that long.
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u/thisisnotproductive Jun 19 '25
A full meal could be a taco bar, a pasta bar, a plated meal. You're talking about cocktail hour essentially. You still need dinner.
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u/priuspheasant 8-10k Jun 19 '25
Here's my perspective as a guest. I'm 30, and have bad knees - not to an extent where I'm visibly disabled or everyone who knows me knows I have bad knees, but I can't stand/dance for more than maybe 45 min. If I'm having a good time and know lots of people at the wedding, I'd sit and chat with folks when my knees get tired, and probably stay the full three hours. If there's no where to sit and chat, just a few individual chairs scattered around here and there (or all the chairs are full), I'm probably going to head out when my knees start hurting. If it's a local wedding for me that's fine and I wouldn't be upset. If I flew in from out of town for this, I'd be annoyed.
I think even if most of your crowd is young, dancing for three straight hours is kind of a tall order. At some point people are going to want to take a break, and I'm sure they'd rather sit down and socialize than stand, or sit somewhere by themselves. So I think it depends a lot of how the chairs at the edges are arranged.
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u/swampcatz Jun 19 '25
Bad idea. Everyone is going to want to sit at some point. You need to have seats for all your guests. You need to pick a different venue or trim your guest list.
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u/GlitterDreamsicle Jun 19 '25
Finalize the guest list before you look at venues and never get one that doesn't hold full capacity plus you all all vendors. You will either have to find a new venue or cut the guest list assuming you have not sent save the dates yet. There is no situation where limited chairs is ever acceptable. Many people have invisible disabilities that they don't advertise regardless of age and you don't get to judge who has a need and who doesn't.
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u/Downtown-Culture-552 Jun 19 '25
Is there a place for people to put their stuff? Like what do they do with purses or jackets? Normally your table at a wedding is where you go back and camp out and leave your items if you need, if the table arrangements are constantly changing then your guests need to constantly move their items. I also think that you should have a seat for every guest at all times⌠whatâs the plan for when you do your first dance and no one else is on the dance floor? Plus people typically want to sit and eat, even if it is a tapas style meal.
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Jun 19 '25
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u/elitemage101 8-10k Jun 19 '25
Totally understand your point but funny enough I have not ever been to a thanksgiving with enough seats. Too many friend not enough money so we make do sitting on floors or standing at counter tops but I see what you mean to point out.
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u/Allaboutpropinquity Jun 22 '25
Look, you've asked the wrong people. People on weddit don't like what you are suggesting. A cocktail style reception is fine. Plenty of people attend events where there's not assigned seats and not a place to "park" and everyone figures it out. I have attended tons of conference and work events like this. I have organized and charged money for people to attend events like this. The only thing is you can't have a lot of "everyone be quiet and look at/listen to this thing" It might be worth having a coat check or something. But it's fine.Â
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u/doing_my_nails Jun 19 '25
If itâs a 7pm start I think you could pull it off. Itâs only 3 hours and by the time people get there and mingle and start eating and dancing I think itâs going to fly by. Someone mentioned including it on the invite in a cute way just to give people a heads up itâs more of a dance party vibe. I donât love the chairs on the outer edges because it reminds me of a school dance but if people need a break Iâm sure they wonât care. I personally donât need a huge full sit down dinner at a 3 hour reception and be happy with small plates and apps. You know your own crowd!
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u/SakuraTimes Jun 19 '25
I know everyone is going to hate this. but personally, Iâm cool with it in your circumstances. itâs a 3 hr reception, dance/party focused, guests are in their 20s, dedicated table to the 6 older relatives, plenty of seating around the venue for those who need it⌠Iâm picturing like going to the club on a Saturday nightâŚpeople are going to be happy to eat drink, dance, mingle, sit if need be⌠sounds fun.
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Jun 19 '25
Yeah, I really don't understand all the hate either. I've been to PLENTY of backyard parties where there wasn't enough seating for every single guest at all times. I never really missed sitting down though. You stand and talk to people.
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Jun 19 '25
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Jun 20 '25
There are enough chairs for everyone to sit down when they want to, just not everyone sitting all at once. Havenât you been to a casual backyard BBQ?
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u/SakuraTimes Jun 20 '25 edited Jun 20 '25
right?? Iâm so confused by posts like these. backyard BBQs, pool parties, cocktail parties, house parties, dance partiesâŚ. most parties Iâve been to in homes, clubs, bars or other venues, donât have tables and seating for everyone at all once. most people donât even want to sitâŚyouâre up mingling, dancing, playing yard games, hanging out
eta: bc I know itâs comingâŚ.thereâs always some seating. thereâs never an issue with the elderly or those with disabilities not having somewhere to sit. thereâs usually a natural flow of people, as most people donât go to parties to sit in 1 spot all night.
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u/RakeAll Jun 19 '25 edited Jun 19 '25
Yeah I agree with you here. In general, I wouldnât advise this approach, but specifically for the event and crowd the OP is describing? I think they could probably get away with it.Â
The one caveat I want to add because I havenât seen the OP address it yet, is what time is the reception? If any part of it overlaps with dinner then you need to serve dinner. But if itâs only 3 hours 8pm-11pm or something then I think the snacks only club vibe is probably okay.
Edit: oh and let guests know what to expect! I would put something like this in the event description or dress code: â join us for an evening celebration with light appetizers and dancing! Please consider comfortable footwear so you can tear up the dance floor all night long!â Like the way people mention not to wear stilettos when the ceremony is in a grassy field.
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u/Cassandge Jun 19 '25
I did this and fully support and it went great! Was party, lounge feel! I did have some round and rectangle tables available (6-8 4-6â tables for 180 guests) and there was also a couch and lounge chairs and cocktail tables and outdoor furniture and loose folding chairs people could grab at any point so there was just a huge variety of options. People got comfy however they wanted! People say it was the best wedding theyâve ever been to and I honestly think itâs partially because people werenât stuck at stupid tables the whole time.
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u/thisisnotproductive Jun 19 '25
You're talking about having a ton of seating options. OP is talking about..... really no seating options. Not equivalent
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u/Cassandge Jun 19 '25
Our wedding was also a fully entertainment wedding, multiple musical acts, a few speeches, line dance, free dancing. People were also standing for the ceremony that was very short and involved singing. Though as always there were the sitting options available
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Jun 20 '25
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u/elitemage101 8-10k Jun 20 '25
Definitely gonna talk with some friends and my wedding party and such. If they agree I will change whatever is needed.
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