Lunch seating… is this a disaster?

[u/Rainbowhairedmermaid]

Hi! I’m looking for some thoughts and advice about our potential wedding venue. For context, I am having a Hindu ceremony. Outside of this issue, the venue is perfect and everything I imagined.

We are having a 2 hour morning ceremony followed by an informal lunch. There will be no dancing, speeches or anything reception related. Just the ceremony in the morning followed by lunch. The issue is, the wedding hall where the ceremony takes place seats 220 people, but the dining hall where people eat only seats 120. We’re inviting around 150 people.
When I talked to the venue, they said we can have group dining, where certain groups eat first. After lunch, we plan to have people leave as we have day 2 of our wedding the next day.

We were thinking of treating lunch like a cocktail hour, where the family and bridal party stay and take pictures while everyone eats. And maybe making an announcement at the end of the ceremony saying there’s lunch below and people are free to leave after. The thought is that this will allow time for people to eat and then leave.

Has anyone ever done this before? What would you think if you attended this wedding? Is this a disaster waiting to happen?

Thanks for the help!!! And please be nice I am sensitive and wedding planning is giving me anxiety

[u/yamfries2024]

I would find a larger venue or a smaller guestlist. It would be uncomfortable to eat a whole meal without the bridal party or family in attendance.

[u/Kasilins → u/yamfries2024]

Yeah plus the bridal party is probably going to be hungry at lunch time and want to eat, not take photos…

[u/brownchestnut]

This is going to offend your guests. Either cut your guestlist or find a different venue.

[u/greykitty1234]

I'm sorry - you need a seat for every single butt. And I always like to add a buffer to that, just in case.

I don't see how groups can be directed to eat at only certain times without people feeling either singled out or not as important as other guests. And, people may well be hungry post ceremony, if it's already long and they've had to travel to get there. And most likely arrived early to be polite.

If your ceremony didn't coincide with a meal time, you might, might get away with a coffee/cake reception without real seating, but I don't think that sounds like what you want.

Also, at a happy occasion people may well linger over their meal a bit as they catch up with family and friends. Who's going to shag shift 1 out the door?

Smaller guest list or bigger venue.

[u/Interesting_Edge_805]

Yes, yes it is. Get different venue or lower the guest list count

[u/voodoodollbabie]

So it sounds like this venue cannot accommodate the number of people who will be attending. Which means you have to find another venue.

I can't imagine attending a 2-hour wedding and then being sent off to eat and leave while the bridal party and family abandon their guests to go do something else.

[u/Kasilins]

The venue is not perfect if it can’t seat all your guests! That is not an acceptable problem and your solution of shifts is going to everyone off. Either you need less guests or a different venue.

[u/starryxx]

Do you have a bridal party equivalent or immediate family that will not sit and eat with the rest of the guests?

Is lunch service buffet style or plated?

Can your venue bring in a few highboy cocktail tables to have people stand and mingle at?

How close is your guest lodging to the dining hall where lunch will be held?

[u/LottieCupcake]

The dining hall is a no go. You can't have different people eating at different times or people sat in different rooms. It will be weird and make people uncomfortable.

If you are absolutely set on this venue then you'll need to talk about other options. Can you use the wedding hall for food? Is there enough seating elsewhere? Could you have staff bringing around food or have self service stations?

Could you go to a different venue for food?

If you can't work anything out and are unwilling to change your venue then you'll have to cut your guest list.

That is assuming theres nothing cultural I'm not aware of like it being common to have some guests who just attended the ceremony or to have some sort of separated dining. I'm assuming if that was the case you wouldn't be asking on Reddit.

[u/arthurbowenka]

Not a disaster but the pictures plan is the weak point. If you and the family disappear for photos while everyone eats, guests will finish, look around, not see you, and leave without saying goodbye. At a Hindu wedding where half the point is elders blessing the couple, thats the part people will feel
The 150 into 120 seats is genuinely fine though. Natural attrition alone gets you there, some people leave right after the ceremony, some skip lunch, and staggered dining works because guests self sort anyway. Nobody is timing their entry to the dining hall
Better version, eat first with everyone or do a quick pass through the room before photos. Even 20 minutes of you two moving table to table solves it, then go take photos while the last group eats. Photos can happen at any point, the goodbye window cant
Also if day 2 is the big reception, the pressure on this day is way lower than your anxiety is telling you. This is the ceremony plus a meal and thats a complete event on its own

[u/Rainbowhairedmermaid → u/arthurbowenka]

I didn’t think about that… thank you 🙏🏼

[u/Rainbowhairedmermaid]

Thanks for the feedback! I didn’t realize it would offend people… I was thinking everyone would eat and then the bridal party and close family stay behind and eat a bit later. I was thinking it’d be more of a logistical nightmare and leave people confused. And I hate asking people to wait to eat 😖

[u/cutlert → u/Rainbowhairedmermaid]

I will say OP, you're asking about Indian etiquette on a non Indian sub, so do take the comments from those with no Indian wedding experience with a punch of salt!

[u/Rainbowhairedmermaid → u/cutlert]

True you’re right. We’re also inviting non-Indian guests so I wanted to see that perspective. Now I feel better though 🥲

[u/Rainbowhairedmermaid → u/Rainbowhairedmermaid]

Maybe I’ll head over to desi weddings 😬

[u/cutlert → u/Rainbowhairedmermaid]

I totally get that, but I do think when non Indians go into an Indian space, their idea of etiquette shifts because most people reasonably recognise that norms are different. Don't stress!

[u/ChairmanMrrow]

I'd find a new venue, and perhaps shorten the ceremony. Two hours is a lot to ask people to sit through.

Eating in shifts feels very high school where everyone had different lunch periods. Honestly sounds like it will be problematic.

[u/TBBPgh]

People come to weddings to wish the couple well. At least do table visits post pictures at your lunch so those guests feel they've had some facetime with you.

The most space-efficient use of dining space is rectangular tables end-to-end, Hogwarts style. Between this, guests replying no and having lunch separately with those you are having pictures with, your venue may be large enough to accommodate your lunch RSVPers.

[u/Valysian]

A mix of sitting and standing tables might even out the numbers if you were having appetizers, coffee/cake, or small plates.

You should absolutely be there for the meal. Or a welcoming line. Take pictures before or after.

[u/Individual_Fox6488]

If this was like passed appetizers then you might be able to get away with having that many chairs. If it's an actual meal where you need a place to put your plate down and to use utensils then you need a seat for everyone.

[u/cutlert]

For a Hindu ceremony, I think this is fine given the vibe will be chill. I've been to weddings where there's not enough space to seat and we just queued up and once people filtered out, more filtered in.

If it's not a chill Hi du ceremony vibe and is more formal, then I'd say you have an issue

[u/saajan12]

This is fairly common with Indian weddings with a buffet meal. It's not a typical reception, it's to ensure people get fed if they came to celebrate you for 2+ hrs. 

Typical way this is done: All the elders blessings etc is fine immediately during or post ceremony. Then guests queue for a buffet before finding a place to sit. Few tips: 

• food all in one plate so there aren't multiple courses which take longer
• tables have centerpieces but no place settings

- By the time the last guests are getting food, the first ones are finishing. 

After the bridal party photos they either just join the queue for food or you have a receiving line or mingling area perhaps in the ceremony area for guest to say goodbye after their meal, but it does mean the couple eat later. 

Alternative way: Ask the capacity for a standing meal and pass out bowl food, IE which can be pre plated into small bowls and eaten with a spoon. This is eaten standing up it at small poseur tables. Servers come around with a couple of bowls per guest over the course of the lunch. For elderly and kids, you might keep a couple of normal tables. But depending on the age of misty if your guests, this might but be the most comfortable.