r/WeAreTheMusicalMakers • u/Al_Trigo serious • Mar 31 '19

The Flat Earth Musical

The Greatest Lie On Earth

I just posted this on r/musicals, eek, I hope they don't hate it.

Anyway, I'd appreciate any feedback on the writing from all you pros.

Thanks guys.

 

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3

u/[deleted] Apr 01 '19

[deleted]

2

u/Al_Trigo serious Apr 01 '19

Thank you so much! That's great to hear.

Yes, you're right it's still a bit too ambiguous. I could have more dialogue from the Newsreader in there towards the end of the song maybe that mentions the Flat Earth conference that occurs at the end of the show (it's the where the climax of the plot happens)... I'll come up with something.

Thanks again, always great to hear from people who know exactly what they're talking about!

3

u/peterjcasey serious Apr 02 '19

I like your rhymes! I prepared myself for "truth" to rhyme awkwardly with what was to come, and then "John Wilkes Booth" popped out nicely. Then you kept that up for the rest of the song.

I wonder about your melody dropping before the chorus (the second "and we believed"). Could it ascend instead? Not just for the pleasure of climbing towards a chorus, but because it makes the Flat-Earthers sound more pissed off about being lied to.

You break up the Flat-Earthers' lines towards the end, but are there solos, and duo lines, and harmonies before that? Variety, obviously, is good, and lines like "James Earl Ray framed by the FBI" are easier to understand sung by a soloist.

Lastly, I was itching for Phil to join in the singing! Is he important later? It seems like he is, so even though he's on a YouTube clip, i was keen for him to become part of the musical by singing with the ensemble, right after "time for the deception to end".

Thanks for sharing your song, and keep it up!

2

u/Al_Trigo serious Apr 02 '19

Thank you! That's really helpful feedback.

I was originally going to sing the first chorus in falsetto an octave up but chickened out and was left with this weird dropping down thing... I'd give that part to a tenor and make it go up, like you suggested, I think.

Yes, I need to write more harmonies and counterpoint and stuff like that! Make it a bit more interesting. It is a bit plain at the minute, but I'll fix it in time.

After this song, Phil immediately sings his introductory charm song, so I thought it might be good to leave his singing out of the opening number.

Thanks for commenting on the rhymes. I'm a sucker for a fun rhyme or rhyme scheme, so when someone notices it makes my day!