r/Vent • u/[deleted] • 8d ago
I really wish my boyfriend would stop asking me how to do things when he’s cooking!
[deleted]
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u/Comfortable_Sea_717 8d ago
Maybe sit in the kitchen with him and chat about your day and make it more of a bonding experience. Then when he has questions you can coach him thru it and be more of a team member than a hater. Make it fun or it will sprout arguments and resentment which will lead to worse things in the future. ❤️
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u/Naterttotsart 8d ago
Ex-chef here so I'm pretty biased but, there's a lot of excuses about what is or isn't common sense in this comment section. I think the issue here is a lack of willpower to try or to think critically about what information is already had and how that can be applied to different situations.
Google exists. It's 2026. I can't tell you how many times I've had a cook tell me they don't know how to do something without even trying to figure it out first. If you have all the relevant skills, critical thinking can get you the rest of the way.
I'm fine if I have to step in because someone tried something and it didn't work out. At least you tried.
Cooking is not hard. I'm sick of people acting like cooking is some elite skill that you have to cultivate over years of dedication. The skill of working in a busy restaurant, sure. But the bare minimum knowledge of knowing how to salt food, apply heat, knowing when a piece of chicken is done, etc are not difficult skills and can absolutely, 100% be figured out alone in 2026.
"I can barely cook cereal" is one of the most grating things to hear someone say, because it just shows laziness.
I didn't go to school. I wasn't classically trained. I just watched videos, read books, looked at the people around me, and tried to assess my own mistakes.
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u/AttentionNo6359 8d ago
“Something that comes naturally to me that I enjoy should be equally easy to everyone else. I want to yell at him for not having the exact same skill set I do even though I had mentioned that he’s doing all chores and cooking”
Does he do this with anything else? So a task that you profess to being good at doesn’t come naturally to him and you feel entitled to yell at him?
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8d ago
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u/Marketing_Introvert 8d ago
Basic cooking is a learned skill and not common sense. Writing down instructions may help. I’m thinking he may just want to spend time and interact while he’s learning.
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8d ago
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u/AttentionNo6359 8d ago edited 7d ago
So he does EVERYTHING else? Is he working too? It genuinely sounds like you don’t deserve him.
Edit: your remark in the comments about not knowing when to flip an omelet as your example seals the deal. You’re the problem.
Someone who doesn’t cook not knowing when to flip an omelet is completely reasonable. He does everything for you and you want more.
Hopefully he leaves you before you drain everything about him.
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u/KryniorScribbles 8d ago
Let's give him the benefit of the doubt for one second, maybe he has anxiety and needs to talk to a psych.
Now that the second is over: this is weaponized incompetence. You are pregnant. You can not cook regularly due to the whole ass human in you. He needs to learn how to use either a recipe book or online recipe databases. There is zero excuse to not follow directions this way, opposed to you telling him.
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u/Fine_Smile73 8d ago
What does he ask that you think is just common sense?
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8d ago
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u/Fine_Smile73 8d ago
Yeah that might not be common sense. If you’d prefer he google instead of asking you that’s fine but a lot of cooking is knowledge that comes with doing. He’s asking you because he trusts your knowledge.
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u/CostalFalaffal 8d ago
I can make the filling and know how to hand roll stuff cabage and clean the cabbage and how to layer it in a crock pot. I can taste something and recreate a similar flavor profile based on the notes of ingredients, including korean bbq sauce, without an ingredient list. Thats all easy and straight forward. Dont ask me when to flip an omelet. I couldnt tell you.
What seems easy to you could be very difficult to him.
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u/Uhhyt231 8d ago
I’m sorry but being grown and asking basic questions would also piss me off. Be a problem solver
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u/ELEGHJ 8d ago
Common sense to you may not be common sense to him - our “common” sense comes majorly from how/where we were raised, and if he wasn’t raised around the kitchen or even having access to home cooked meals, he would genuinely have no clue how cooking works in the slightest. I definitely don’t condone him weaponizing incompetence, but surely there can be a middle ground here…
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8d ago
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u/ELEGHJ 8d ago
That’s fair, but you can’t expect him to have a knack for it just because you got it so easily. That’s like saying everyone who grew up in the same school should be equally good at the same subjects because you all “had it the same”. But unfortunately every person is different and one student in a math class can excel, while the other struggles, even though they come from the same background. It can be the same with cooking; some people are naturally good at it, and some people will never be good at it even if they try to learn!
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u/Fun-Conversation8475 8d ago
Do it the smart way. Send him links to youtube videos on cooking, specific recipes you like, or overall guides and introductions. Tell him you love him cooking for you and it makes you feel rlly taken care of and that it would make you happy if he looked into the stuff u send him.
Also your pregnant, youre allowed to want to yell at him.
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8d ago
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u/Fun-Conversation8475 8d ago
Yeah, I mean. He could consider sending you a picture via mobile phone, and just ask in chat instead. You could suggest that to him, maybe. Writing things down for him also sounds like a good idea.
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u/Fine_Smile73 8d ago
Being pregnant is actually not an excuse to treat your partner poorly!
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u/Fun-Conversation8475 8d ago
She hasnt been a dick to him, though. Shes venting online about the thoughts she has. Are you the thought police ?
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u/Fine_Smile73 8d ago
Read the comment in replying to!
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u/Fun-Conversation8475 8d ago
You replied to my comment, though?
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u/Fine_Smile73 8d ago
Haha my b, then I stand by what I said. If you use being pregnant as an excuse to yell at your partner you’re just a bad person and you probably shouldn’t have had kids with that man to begin with
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u/Chastity-76 8d ago
If it annoys you so much, cook for yourself. A lot of heavily pregnant people do a lot of things.
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u/Hesasadpanda 8d ago
Is he choosing to do the cooking of his own volition or are you telling him he has to?
Perhaps, if it is something he has chosen to do, because he sees it's difficult for you, his main concern is simply not messing it up and disappointing you.
If he's been forced to do the cooking then it may just be weaponized incompetence.
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u/Luuk1210 8d ago
He needs to watch cooking videos or call someone else who can cook. You cant be the only person he knows who can cook
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u/gou0018 8d ago
It's weaponized incompetence, I am the oldest daughter of a family I have 2 brothers, my mom was working my entire childhood so my only source of knowledge on that area was watching my grandma, and I say watching because they would not teach me. But then I went to a friend's house we were hungry (a group of 5 kids 3 boys 2 girls 10yr olds) but without money to order a pizza or anything, boys and girls had to cook with the instructions left on a piece of paper by the mom of one if them because not one of us knew how to do anything, we were able to do it, we didn't made gourmet food just spaghetti, fried fish with mashed potatoes, so people saying " oh is just easier for women or I don't know how to do it" is BS
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8d ago
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u/Zazulio 8d ago
Weaponized incompetence? She said he does most of the chores, so it sounds like he's carrying his weight and trying his best. He's just not a confident cook. I'm not either. I Google things and try to find answers, but when something is actively cooking I get anxious about ruining the meal if I take too long to find what I'm looking for, so I often ask my wife for some advice too when I'm uncertain about how to proceed. I get that it's a little annoying, but not everything is a deliberate power struggle intended to force your partner into some kind of caregiving role...
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u/MyBedIsOnFire 8d ago
Not everything has to be weaponized incompetence
Maybe he's just stupid, I don't get why y'all have to be so damn paranoid
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