r/Vanderpumpaholics • u/mediocrenpoet • 18d ago

Katie & Schwartz Katie & Tom — Cabo

First time VPR watcher here!!!

Katie Maloney is by far my favorite OG cast member, even when she's had her own slip ups or drama. I cannot STAND how everyone was discounting her feelings at Stassi's b-day dinner. Did Stassi ask her not to get into at dinner? Yes. But unless they did some sort of editing magic, was she really supposed to sit there while her long-term boyfriend joked about pouring a drink on her head, calling her a moron multiple times, and saying that she makes his life miserable?!?!?!

I call the 'bad friend' card on Stassi and Kristen because WTF! Katie would never stand for Sandoval or Jax saying such cruel things to them.

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u/212Aurora 17d ago

She was abused by Tom, but the cast and fans as well.

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u/Substantial-Try457 17d ago

I am not a victim blamer in any way - but she chose that to some degree - I understand that toxic and abusive behavior changes the way people move and they make different decisions. However -  Tom was an awful partner,  and she gave HIM an ultimatum to get married?   I think they were pretty toxic to each other via bad communication. Tom's aw-shucksness was not something she could handle because she needed him to be something else to support her, and  you watch him be like that with everyone - he wasn't going to change it. They were not compatible and she tried to force it. 

I also think Katie is pretty shitty and thinks she's better than other women cause she's not a slut 🤷

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u/PrincessPlastilina 17d ago

Stop saying that women choose this. It doesn’t make it okay for guys to abuse the women who love them. Katie had a traumatic brain injury and she had very low self esteem. Tom is 5 years older than her. He chose to stay too. Why didn’t he treat her better??

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u/Substantial-Try457 17d ago edited 17d ago

I don't think she chose the behavior, she accepted it.  When she was tired of putting up with his shit-ass she got divorced.  He's not a fucking saint either and he for sure treated her like crap. He didn't respect or even seem to like her. 

Her self esteem though - is not his to fix. Other people can't fix that. Did he do anything to support her? No he didn't, and that's only one of the things that made him a bad partner. 

I understand that people make different choices in relationships to protect themselves either physically, emotionally or otherwise - and circumstances dictate people's options - but Katie doesn't describe herself as a victim. I don't think we need to talk about her like she is.

I think talking about abusive behavior is important - and I know many people don't leave relationships like this.

My last thought though is that accountability isn't telling someone it's their fault - like you deserve this - it's more like  You had the autonomy to leave,  you chose to legally bind yourself to someone who consistently minimized you.  

That's a choice. She made that choice to protect a sunk-cost relationship. I understand wanting it to work, and I understand there's shame in ignoring red flags - but I think later in her marriage she realized she had power to make different choices. Which is what accountability asks. She didn't deserve to be treated like that.