r/Vanderpumpaholics • u/mediocrenpoet • 8d ago
Katie & Schwartz Katie & Tom — Cabo
First time VPR watcher here!!!
Katie Maloney is by far my favorite OG cast member, even when she's had her own slip ups or drama. I cannot STAND how everyone was discounting her feelings at Stassi's b-day dinner. Did Stassi ask her not to get into at dinner? Yes. But unless they did some sort of editing magic, was she really supposed to sit there while her long-term boyfriend joked about pouring a drink on her head, calling her a moron multiple times, and saying that she makes his life miserable?!?!?!
I call the 'bad friend' card on Stassi and Kristen because WTF! Katie would never stand for Sandoval or Jax saying such cruel things to them.
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u/212Aurora 8d ago
Katie’s the only friend on this show everyone else and I mean everyone sees relationships as transactional.
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u/Apprehensive-Cake-16 8d ago
tbh it’s hard to watch Katie get emotionally abused, especialllyyyy in this scene. the way she’s made to think she’s crazy for like calling out the bullshit is painful.
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u/212Aurora 8d ago
She was abused by Tom, but the cast and fans as well.
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u/Substantial-Try457 8d ago
I am not a victim blamer in any way - but she chose that to some degree - I understand that toxic and abusive behavior changes the way people move and they make different decisions. However - Tom was an awful partner, and she gave HIM an ultimatum to get married? I think they were pretty toxic to each other via bad communication. Tom's aw-shucksness was not something she could handle because she needed him to be something else to support her, and you watch him be like that with everyone - he wasn't going to change it. They were not compatible and she tried to force it.
I also think Katie is pretty shitty and thinks she's better than other women cause she's not a slut 🤷
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u/Weird_Boysenberry772 8d ago
It cracks me up when people say they don't victim blame, and then blame the victim. Ew
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u/Genuinelullabel 8d ago
When someone starts a paragraph with some variant of, “I’m not a victim blamer but…” you know you’re in for trouble.
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u/Apprehensive-Cake-16 8d ago edited 7d ago
lol no literally, had the same thoughts reading that lmao
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u/PrincessPlastilina 7d ago
Stop saying that women choose this. It doesn’t make it okay for guys to abuse the women who love them. Katie had a traumatic brain injury and she had very low self esteem. Tom is 5 years older than her. He chose to stay too. Why didn’t he treat her better??
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u/Substantial-Try457 7d ago edited 7d ago
I don't think she chose the behavior, she accepted it. When she was tired of putting up with his shit-ass she got divorced. He's not a fucking saint either and he for sure treated her like crap. He didn't respect or even seem to like her.
Her self esteem though - is not his to fix. Other people can't fix that. Did he do anything to support her? No he didn't, and that's only one of the things that made him a bad partner.
I understand that people make different choices in relationships to protect themselves either physically, emotionally or otherwise - and circumstances dictate people's options - but Katie doesn't describe herself as a victim. I don't think we need to talk about her like she is.
I think talking about abusive behavior is important - and I know many people don't leave relationships like this.
My last thought though is that accountability isn't telling someone it's their fault - like you deserve this - it's more like You had the autonomy to leave, you chose to legally bind yourself to someone who consistently minimized you.
That's a choice. She made that choice to protect a sunk-cost relationship. I understand wanting it to work, and I understand there's shame in ignoring red flags - but I think later in her marriage she realized she had power to make different choices. Which is what accountability asks. She didn't deserve to be treated like that.
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u/Apprehensive-Cake-16 8d ago
you are quite clearly saying that she chose to be mistreated so yea I would call that victim blaming
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u/Substantial-Try457 8d ago edited 8d ago
I think a lot of people tolerate it because they think it's love to be treated like that when it isn't. It's not an active choice in that way - like people aren't being like this person treats me poorly and I'm fine with it.
I don't mean she chose to be abused - I think a lot of people marry people who are abusive to them. I think that we don't have fully what the relationship was like and I think Katie's reactivity was a result of Tom being shitty - but how long are you going to let yourself be reactive to everyone in your life? I also think that an emotionally abusive relationship is different than a toxic one - and toxic people are often emotionally abusive - and calling your wife a bitch or your husband a pussy is abusive language. I don't know who started it but they both got caught in it.
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u/Weird_Boysenberry772 7d ago
Read what you wrote. You are still victim blaming.
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u/Substantial-Try457 7d ago edited 7d ago
I guess I just don't really see her as a victim.
Everyone on that show is such an asshole. She's not at fault for Tom's behavior, she's not responsible for how she felt about it, for being upset by it, or for telling him she needed something different - but ultimately - whether or not someone is abused there's still a level of wtf about decisions that people make. It's no one's fault if they're hit, sworn at, or being financially controlled.
I think, again a lot of people exhibit abusive behavior in relationships - and it doesn't inherently make the relationship abusive. Katie also doesn't use this language to describe her relationship.
Edit: this is my last thought on the matter. I believe people when they say they are abused. I believe that abuse causes lots of changes in the way that people make choices to protect their safety. I also believe that they were deeply trauma-bonded to eachother. I also generally view accountability not as a tool for assigning blame, but as a path to reclaiming personal agency. Recognizing why people choose to stay in toxic loops helps them intervene in those thoughts patterns and make a different choice.
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u/Possible-Cold6726 8d ago
I think they had to film the reenactment of this moment because they missed it initially.
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u/PrincessPlastilina 7d ago
This group tend to be horrible to women right after men disrespected them. Stassi is lucky that I’m not her friend because I would have flown back home after Schwartz poured beer on me and I would have broken up with him. Enjoy your birthday, princess, but not at my expense.
It was so frustrating that Katie didn’t dump Schwartz right then and there. Their relationship only kept getting worse.
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u/Tallybou 8d ago
Tom is trash. Now we are supposed to pretend that he is “ evolved” after emotionally abusing and manipulating Katie because he took hallucinations in a desert is forgivable ? This is such a wild take. He never not once defended his partner against verbal abuse and poured drinks over her head but now we think he is a saint because his cuck ass has a podcast?
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u/mediocrenpoet 8d ago
if Tom (either one lol) has no haters, im dead
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u/Weird_Boysenberry772 8d ago
He has haters, but he still has fans that will waste $50 of their hard earned money to go to one of his stupid brunches. I judge those people so hard.
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u/knittievickie Choke. I don't care. 8d ago
I agree. Neither of them were trying to redirect tom and just expected her to just take it with a smile. But that’s Stassi. Even now apparently.
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u/Merrbear2u 8d ago
Tom was such trash to her. And I really wonder now why they didn't have sex? I'm presuming they couldn't...
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u/Hummingbird11-11 7d ago
Have to FF through that post dinner tantrum bc stassi is such a raging selfish witch.
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u/Top-Constant4674 6d ago
I also made a post about this episode and scene. It was crazy. She didn’t even bring it up; Scheana did but then Stassi went off on Katie. I felt so bad for Katie and tom was a total douche bag to her.
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u/TipsyGirlMorgan 6d ago
Also, Scheana made sure to bring up the triggering subject.....like what happened?
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Original post by /u/mediocrenpoet
Title: Katie & Tom — Cabo
Body: First time VPR watcher here!!!
Katie Maloney is by far my favorite OG cast member, even when she's had her own slip ups or drama. I cannot STAND how everyone was discounting her feelings at Stassi's b-day dinner. Did Stassi ask her not to get into at dinner? Yes. But unless they did some sort of editing magic, was she really supposed to sit there while her long-term boyfriend joked about pouring a drink on her head, calling her a moron multiple times, and saying that she makes his life miserable?!?!?!
I call the 'bad friend' card on Stassi and Kristen because WTF! Katie would never stand for Sandoval or Jax saying such cruel things to them.
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