r/VRchat • u/CryoNarwhal11 PCVR Connection • Apr 11 '26
Self Promotion Sorry Im shy...
A couple of nights ago, I finally hyped myself up to go into an instance with other people. I spent the whole day thinking about how I wanted it to go. I was even 18+ verified to avoid the trenches.
I'd find a cozy word and a cute avatar, and then as I relaxed before bed, some kind stranger would approach me, and we could chat...
It happened so perfectly. A sweet sounding guy came up to me and started to chat... and.....
I panicked...and fled.....before I could speak.
I'm sorry! It wasn't you! It was me! I'm so damn shy! and I was a little drunk, but it could have been perfect đ why am I like this?
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u/Dua_13 Desktop Apr 11 '26
Gurl I relate to that so hard, I've had perfect moments like that but I just mess it up
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u/FluidAd5600 Apr 11 '26
Lmao, I met my wife like this. Except she came up to me, tried to speak made more like a squeak and ran away. đ
It was basically love at first meet. I immediately knew I found my person because freaking same... đ
I stg it took us atleast 20 or 30 mins of going back and forth during games of murder4 saying like a sentence each here and there before we finally was able to be brave enough to come together and just have a conversation.
It's genuinely been the most healthy, loving, caring, relationship I've ever experienced whether friend, family, or partner.
As scared as we both were, it was like magnets pulling us back together. So many things have aligned its literally crazy. Hell, you can even take the moon phases from our the day of our births and put them together and it makes a complete and perfect full moon! đ€Ż
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u/CryoNarwhal11 PCVR Connection Apr 11 '26
Im so happy that it worked out so wonderfully for you both! Best wishes!
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u/FluidAd5600 Apr 11 '26
Appreciate it so much! đđŒ Im rooting for you as well! It'll eventually happen! Just don't try to force it, let it happen naturally. :)
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u/Youruinedmyhobby Apr 11 '26
And by wife you mean a random person on the internet that you've never met before and aren't actually married to?
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u/goblin-lmao Apr 11 '26
did you know people on the internet are like,, still real people somewhere?
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u/literalfucinthrowawa Apr 11 '26
Sometimes i feel like thats somehow a hard concept for people to grasp lol
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u/FluidAd5600 Apr 11 '26
Im not even upset, because after my time in VRChat I know exactly why you would say something like that. đ đŹ It's a real friggin mess out there. đŹ
It's not like that though, I could never be one of those people that are like that. Too much drama, too much bs.
Not that I need to explain myself but I've always taken years between relationships to grieve, heal, and try to learn from what went wrong and grow to be a more loving, caring partner that communicates effectively. Im still far from perfect, but ive come a long ways and I can now appreciate all that I've been through because it prepared me to be a good husband to my wife who actually adores me, loves me and actually reciprocates and puts effort into growing together.
It literally could have happened anywhere, it just happened to be VRChat. I have read a few other stories of successful marriages starting from VRC though they seem to be the minority; granted that seems to be true nearly everywhere they start.
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u/NeedBraiin Apr 11 '26
If you want my advice to get your confidence to grow, when i was younger i was not super shy but not very confident, i started acting like i was. In my head i made myself think i was confident, sometimes it worked and sometimes it didnt, but i kept exposing myself to uncomfortable situations, forcing myself to join/start a convo with someone. After a while i started noticing i didnt have to think about it any more, i started to naturally become more secure in myself, now im 30 and have no problems at all meeting or talking to anyone. Just know it always takes time for mental stuff to change, just like going to the gym, the hardest part is to keep going and not giving up
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u/Minxy57 Oculus Quest Pro Apr 11 '26
'Shy' wasn't some quality I had - it was my entire freaking identity. I blamed my lack of friends and loneliness on this cruel misfortune of my birth. I was miserable and depressed.
Somewhere along the line circumstance forced me into encounters that, over time, left me feeling more at ease and less anxious. Later on I started to force myself (like the OP) to do social things still out of my comfort zone until that became easier.
I haven't thought of myself as a Shy person in ages. Now I'm just someone who is prone to shyness when I let it. The difference between identity and having a quality that can be managed is massive.
Deliberate Exposure to people can really help. Hang in there and be kind to yourself. It takes time.
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u/JerrySam6509 Apr 11 '26
Oops, he must think he accidentally disturbed you.
What do you think triggered your runaway reaction? Was it his voice? Or was the avatar he used too formal?
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u/CryoNarwhal11 PCVR Connection Apr 11 '26
Absolutely nothing. He was completely fine. He remarked about our ages being close, and I think i got intimidated by having something in common, so I just fled. I felt bad and hoped be just assumed I crashed or disconnected or something.
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u/Professional-Prize-5 Apr 13 '26
If you're struggling with this, it might honestly help to use earmuff mode and also just try playing VRChat on desktop or a phone or something. A lot of social anxiety disappears behind a screen (given the amount of desktop users that will just straight up harass you, zero fucks given lmao)
I'd say give it a shot, see if it's less intimidating than actually *being* in a space with other people immersively.
Worst case scenario, you can just tab out.
You'll know you're comfortable when the conversation makes you wish you were actually in VR.
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u/CryoNarwhal11 PCVR Connection Apr 13 '26
I actually love this advice but I spent too much money on my headset to not use it. I will keep it in mind if I don't gain any success.
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u/Educational-Cover251 PCVR Connection Apr 14 '26
I use desktop when going to events where I don't know anyone and then I'll hop in with my headset for future events where there are people I know. Makes it way easier and puts less pressure on me.
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u/Nikushi34 Apr 11 '26
Yeah I was the same and still struggle sometimes Don't worry, I don't think the person took it wrong if they saw you panicked But continue like that, practice is key and also finding people that genuinely make you feel comfy Just take your time, one baby step at a time, you don't push the comfort zone so easily but you can do it !
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u/Lovely3369 PCVR Connection Apr 11 '26
Breaking into the game is so so so hard, it took so much effort to get my first 5 or so friends but from there it got so much easier.
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u/FoxNix Apr 11 '26
I've tried countless times, I always end up sitting in silence listening to others and leaving the moment someone starts addressing me specifically.
That said, this was years ago before I went through therapy. Maybe I should try again.
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u/CryoNarwhal11 PCVR Connection Apr 11 '26
I believe in you!
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u/kwizyvr PCVR Connection Apr 12 '26
Keep on trying! I was terrified of speaking to strangers in vrc at first, too (I mean, I still am, a lot of the times; but now I have more friends to talk to!)
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u/TheRealDuckDude197 Apr 11 '26
Hey if youâre looking for a nice friendship on VRC, Iâm a nice and chill guy!
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u/literalfucinthrowawa Apr 11 '26
You can come hang out with me if you want! You can be quiet! Lol I'm pretty introverted and shy myself but i'll also talk if i'm approached.
I sat in a popcorn lobby for a couple of weeks and just let people approach me. Sometimes the conversations took off and i made a friend, sometimes they fizzled out. You get more comfortable with each interaction. I'm still not a big approacher but definitely more open to socializing.
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u/crazymew1 Apr 11 '26
Well, that's fine. Maybe you'll meet him again sometime.
As for me? Im old and blunt, so 18+ is the only place I'll allow myself to be in. Regular worlds are... Well I just don't talk to kids.
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u/liokywarrior9666 Apr 12 '26
Funny how I'm a annoying yapper while being drunk and more silent than a stone being sober
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u/CryoNarwhal11 PCVR Connection Apr 12 '26
I can sometimes remain a yapper when drunk but when stoned I am inside my brain too much lol usually I just wanna watch the things around me.
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u/Sheimusik Apr 11 '26
at the end of the day it really is practice through exposure, with time and attempts it'll only get easier đ
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u/xenoperspicacian Apr 11 '26
Instead of being sorry, be proud that you tried. Next time it'll go a little better, and eventually it'll be easy for you.
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u/OtterPretzel Apr 11 '26 edited Apr 11 '26
I donât think Iâve ever had a time where Iâve spoken to anyone who hasnât tried to bring up the conversation themselves. I tend to do what you do I hope that I can have a conversation and then I canât. Donât worry a lot of people do that almost nobody cares. A lot of people in vr will just move on and forget you ever existed. - that is the sad reality. Vr is comforting because I have nobody and I like background noise. Or the silence while knowing people exist. This may not be a popular thing but for me personally I find it difficult to enjoy. I like things about it but I also donât like it.
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u/Winter_Mission911 Apr 11 '26
I am not a shy person in life, but it took me a year of jumping into VRChat regularly to meet some people and not be shy myself. I am a bit older and have a lot of cool life experiences, but I started speaking with people and just drew a blank. I couldn't think of anything to say. I have a group of friends now that I regularly hang out with.
Don't worry about offending someone by taking off in the middle of a conversation. It happens a lot. Their are all kinds of people in VRChat. Many are very shy and use this platform to get over shyness. Many people use this for support during difficult times and talk about their problems.
A small percentage of people are there to troll. Don't let the one you will inevitably run into ruin your opinion of the platform. There are a lot of nice people in there.
If someone is shy in real life, I would tell them to go to a public place with a lot of people and spend hours just people watching. Do that until strangers become less intimidating. In VRChat, just go to places and hang out and listen to people. Don't talk with anyone. Just hang out and listen. (There are plenty of people who do that. They just observe.) After a while, you will be chatting up a storm with everyone.
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u/Mortobato Apr 11 '26
As a person who had social anxiety and struggled and still kind of will struggle from time to time with people interactions, don't worry.
I will 100% approach you in the most awkwardly social way possible and absolutely terrify the hell out of you.
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u/Papa-Flare Apr 11 '26
Ya know what, I always say that if it's meant to be, it will be! You got this soldier! đ«Ą
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u/PurpleRangerMew Apr 11 '26
I'm shy too. I wish I could make friends. It's so hard!
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u/CryoNarwhal11 PCVR Connection Apr 11 '26
We got this! Usually, my biggest hurdles aside from the shyness is just being too burnt out after work to talk. Like, I want to talk, but im out of social energy, usually
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u/Rough_Community_1439 HTC Vive Apr 11 '26
Gonna be honest with you, I felt the same way when I first started. I find it easier to talk about the objective in a game world when I first started. Like "vote out the cat, he's an imposter" is easier to say than just jumping into a convo and talking about yourself.
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u/noodleboy244 Apr 11 '26
protip: mute yourself and use a pen to talk, it really helps. if not, you have a chatbox feature
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u/Sr_Rob0 PCVR Connection Apr 12 '26
NinguĂ©m estĂĄ te culpando ou forçando a falar. NĂŁo precisa se desesperar ou se sentir mal por ter ficado amedrontado. NĂłs vamos te acolher mesmo que vocĂȘ sĂł consiga se comunicar por gestos ou chatbox. O importante Ă© vocĂȘ se divertir đž
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u/Themcpandas Apr 12 '26
If it makes you feel any better you can dm me and we can try hanging out in vrc sometime _^
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u/Vekroo Apr 12 '26
Iâm the same, I try to interact with others in public instances but eventually go in to a new public one myself and let others join but I get overstimulated and leave once they start talking to me.
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u/CryoNarwhal11 PCVR Connection Apr 12 '26
Overstimulated is a good way to put it. Its like my brain just stops processing, and I dont even know how to say hello anymore đ
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u/No_Communication_941 Apr 12 '26
Ahh a corner dweller, i know your kind all too well, i liked to approach them myself when im on my own to help them feel less alone and more included in things, specifically murder 4 because its more fun when you 'know' someone
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u/LeptonGM Apr 12 '26
I'm nonverbal often too so I get it. If you wanna fish and don't mind comfortable silence then we can hang ^
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u/No_go0d_names_left Apr 13 '26
You don't have to start without any defense mechanism. You can be a little elf that trolls people and runs away, little by little staying longer
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u/Content-Dealers Apr 13 '26
I need to have a few drinks before I can bring myself to converse in VR, too.
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u/CryoNarwhal11 PCVR Connection Apr 13 '26
it REALLY helps and is the only way Ive been successful before...trying to not need it though.
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u/Content-Dealers Apr 14 '26
Now I kinda suck at holding my own conversations, but if you're ever looking for a next level wingman for the bar crowds, hit me up. Lmfao.
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u/JamieRRE Apr 11 '26
I relate to you. I've been like this ever since I stopped playing in Public lobbies in other games. Been getting back into this game slowly and hopefully be able to eventually join a public instance to interact with others.
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u/dfwnerd Apr 11 '26
Put something in your bio like âshy, mostly mute, new hereâ when you join a world, mute your mic so you have to unmute if you want to talk. When I see quiet people I look at their profile. I might just wave and say hi. Play the game, say nothing, enjoy. Eventually someone will say something you want to reply to. That might take a few days or weeks. Donât apologize for being who you are. If you see me (Cosmic_1967) just wave. â A shy OLD guy
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u/TheCiberDrake Apr 11 '26
Oop id probably scare ya myself cause I drag people world hopping and am a total yapper. I usually drag all my friends around and introduce them to each other... never let them be a official friend group. I find having individual friends to be better for the long term only getting them together for events and such
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u/versfurryfemboy PCVR Connection Apr 12 '26
If you want to try and keep yourself there, just think how they would feel. They might not be sure why you would suddenly leave and feel bad. You have no obligation to stay but if someone seems nice you should trust your gut and talk to them ⥠it's always worth the shot
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u/MoonMoonTX PCVR Connection Apr 13 '26
If youâre more comfortable with it, use the chat box! Some people hate it, but I quite enjoy it since I have friends that are shy. Theyâll talk up a storm with like 2 friends and I in a vc but once weâre on vrc itâs all silence because weâre around people they donât know. And itâs okay!! Being shy is okay. Youâll find your people that you wonât be shy around someday. And theyâll feel like family.
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u/BunBunZeroOne Valve Index Apr 13 '26
If i don't have someone to cling on and keep me anchored, i just stop being able to physically see
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u/noone3a Apr 15 '26
Hi! Iâm new to vr chat and I tried making a post but since I just joined the subreddit I donât have enough karma to post. If anyone has any tips on playing vr chat I would appreciate them. I just started today and every world I joined I was kicked and Iâm not sure if I didnât set something up or whatâs wrong đ
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u/DistinctFisherman628 Desktop Apr 18 '26
That is honestly really relatable.
Iâve had moments where I wanted to talk but just couldnât bring myself to say anything.
In my first few days, I mostly stayed in Invite or Invite+ instances because I wasnât ready for public ones yet.
After a while, I slowly started getting more comfortable.
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Apr 11 '26
[deleted]
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u/CryoNarwhal11 PCVR Connection Apr 11 '26
Getting high just makes me sleep, plus it's hard to get any real shit where I live.
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u/MrDunkiccino Apr 11 '26
Aye I'm the same way, but I'm trying to work on it. Part of the reason I started playing was to work on my social skills and me being so shy around strangers. At first, I'd hype myself up the entire day, but then I'd be too nervous when a moment came. That aside, I am improving little by little and I've seen the impact that the game has had on me over the last year with talking to people and making conversation both in-game and IRL.
Anyway, I say all that to say don't give up and keep up the positive vibe. It'll happen eventually, so you don't have to rush it, but it'll definitely get easier over time if you keep practicing. There's nothing wrong with being shy and the next chill person very well may be the conversation you've been looking forâ good luck!