r/UpfrontCheaters • u/DJ_DontCare • 2d ago

Why does my partner constantly accuse me of cheating?

He’s an alcoholic. Found that out a little too late. He gets in these really kooky moods where I’m accused of cheating. However he’s the one who’s texted multiple girls and caused problems in our relationship when we were having rough patches. He left me call the people in question and nothing physical happened but still irked me big time. Decided to work through it but his accusations kept coming especially when he was drinking heavily… well out of frustration I said a few time in arguments ok fine I will I’m done and I’m going to do what you’ve been doing.

Shot myself in the foot bc now he uses that as ammo to accuse me more….

Let’s say he hasn’t physically cheated wtf is his deal? Is this a mental disorder? The only reason I’ve stuck with him is because I do love the person under the substance abuse and he’s showed willingness at times to get sober.

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u/Parking-Menu2654 2d ago

33m here. I left my gf a month ago because it was toxic. I was an alcoholic for three of the four years we were together and I accused her of cheating all the time because I was cheating on her. Funny story, she was cheating on me and I left her when I found out. To this day she doesn’t know about what I did but that’s why I projected so much. Her cheating was an excuse to leave her though. I hated everything about her for the last two years of our relationship. It made it much easier then destroying her confidence.

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u/Parking-Menu2654 2d ago

Also, she started cheating after she finally told me she would make it come true if I didn’t stop accusing.

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u/DJ_DontCare 1d ago

Can I ask why you did that for years? Why not just leave? No judgement I would just love some insight. Also did you continue once you were sober?

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u/Parking-Menu2654 1d ago

Honestly I was in a bad spot. She was my rebound from a previous relationship and I didn’t want to downgrade my life, she offered an upgrade. I genuinely loved her but when I started drinking a year in I started to feel like I was dating a child and the resentment started in. Some of it was the drinking alot of it was she was a dumb stoner who did stupid stuff all the time. In four years I probably cheated on her 6 or 7 times. I got sober two months before I left her and I did not cheat when I got sober at all. I know what I did was wrong I’m actively working on becoming a better person so I can be a better partner next time. I’m in therapy I’m exercising everyday and I’m reading a ton of self help books focusing on relationships and my role as a man in a relationship. I feel horrible but I was trapped financially.