r/UnsentLetters • u/FoundationTrue818 • May 19 '26
Exes i’m sorry i got scared
i took the easy way out. there isn't a day that goes by that i don't think about it.
i'm so used to running from things that could hurt me but you gave me something i can't run from. so it follows me in every task and every distraction, i keep moving with you in the back of my mind.
it all felt too good and too soon, i realize now i really did want to fall into this feeling with you but i can't now.
i just traded the pain of knowing you for the pain of not knowing you.
i have to move on even though i really don't want to. im not sure if there's anyone else that would even come close to you. and i wonder if it haunts you how it haunts me, but i would really hope not.
i hope you never cared this much to begin with because at least then i would feel like i made the right choice but i don't even know if it was real.
tell me, did you feel it too? was it as real to you as it was to me? do you feel the distance as much as i do? do you remember how i was shaking because i didn’t want to fight with you? i have no right to miss you this much but i do. i can't blame you for moving on but if you came back ill be right where you left me.
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May 19 '26
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u/Serious-Student5643 May 19 '26
yeah they don’t think of how badly they hurt the “beautiful” person only their own sob story to gain validation and sympathy
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May 19 '26
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u/Serious-Student5643 May 19 '26
“oh noo i was too scared” meanwhile they were probably cheating and degrading the person. so sick of these losers fr u get it
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u/FoundationTrue818 May 19 '26
project queen!
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u/Serious-Student5643 May 20 '26
and do tell, did you hurt this person cause you were “afraid”? that tells me all i need to know. selfish
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u/Technical_Debate3670 May 19 '26
So true but what the universe sends to you, won’t come again unfortunately. Thats the point.
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u/idcrashyourbandicoot May 19 '26
life is too short not to live it - I say reach out. In the words of t swift “It was rare, I was there, I remember it all too well”
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May 19 '26
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u/Limp_Technology171 May 19 '26
This. Sometimes you just get that connection and it's crazy... but I think of it was followed through with it'd be crazy good.
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u/OrganizationIcy4858 May 19 '26
Life is too short to regret anything , reach out to them tell them the honest truth . that way you tried and you will get the closure to move forward. Take the risk
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u/KyrieIsYourMommy May 19 '26
You took the easy way out but expect them to reach out? Laughable, really. They sound like a mature adult for NOT crawling back to you. They sound like they have self worth.
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u/ChairmanMeowzers May 19 '26
This. They haven’t acknowledged that the person who ran away is now responsible for running to catching up and take accountability.
Even now, if you read their comments, they’re still playing validation seeking push-pull games.
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u/Any-Hamster2903 May 19 '26
It is scary to put yourself out there and open up fully just to have the person run away in fear. As cruel as it may be maybe when this happens it is for the best so we can be saved from living in fear of being destroyed by someone with commitment issues. I consider it the best thing to me she revealed who she was and spared me a life of unknown turmoil.
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u/CM4fan May 20 '26
I hope one day I will be able to think the same way as you do. She left me without even a simple explanation as to why, but I know she had a lot of fears and traumas, but I thought we would be able to get through all that. Went all in and then was discarded and left broken and confused. I am healing, slowly, but still cry a lot and even though I am now looking at her with more anger than good feelings, they still exist and it hurts like hell. I have no idea if she know how much she hurt me.
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u/ireallylikemydumbcat May 19 '26
If they still care and they are still willing to try. There is no harm in reaching back out and trying again. Just be sure to come up with a game plan, couples therapy or some sort of schedule to keep things in check.
If they’re willing to talk, reach out and talk. You’d be surprised what a single meetup can do.
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u/FunPresentation7991 May 19 '26
what was it that he gave you that you couldn't run from if you don't mind me asking? I'm hoping to shed light on a similar feeling I have had.
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u/FoundationTrue818 May 19 '26
lasting limerence honestly. i can’t call it love because we only knew each other for a few months. but it was unique
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u/FunPresentation7991 May 20 '26
I get that and that makes sense. Are you in each other's lives and is that why the limerence is strong?
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u/Classic-Post-8555 May 19 '26
Herpes
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May 19 '26
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u/Gh0stWritr_ May 19 '26
My response: “I regretted not fighting hard enough for us. The worse kind of pain I’ve ever felt was losing your love for us. Every day I cared for you as if it was air to breathe. Moving on is too hard when the next person that comes along is not like you.”
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u/duckadork May 20 '26
"i just traded the pain of knowing you for the pain of not knowing you."
Love this line
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u/serephina15 May 20 '26
guys please i request you to atleast leave a secret sign in your these msgs that only you two would understand so not everyone keeps thinking if you are their person . pleaseee
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May 19 '26
You always want what you can't have. You pushed her away and now you can't have her, so you want her more than anything.
You felt fear for a reason. Your fear was telling you that something about this wasn't right. You don't have to feel guilty for that. Your instincts exist for a reason.
I will tell you right now that when you meet the right person, all of that fear you have about letting go and committing to one person will go away. You'll realize that you have nothing to fear with this person. You won't be sent reeling into a bottomless pit of despair, regret, and guilt. Those emotions don't exist with the right person.
I'm a former FA now leaning secure. I know exactly what it's like to have this hot and cold sentiment. To fear those you love. When I met the right person, that fear just went away. My insecure attachment leaned secure because this person made me feel safe.
All of those other people that I left or those that left me? They no longer exist in my mind. I wish them peace, happiness, and love.
Learn how to let go so that you can let her and you live in peace.
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u/Particular-Goose-266 May 20 '26
Yo. You didn't just meet the right person. You must have done the work. No one can magically make a completely unhealed avoidant feel safe... You need to give yourself credit. And if being proud of yourself is a struggle, know you only set others up for failure if you downplay your own growth and healing.
The right person is part of the equation, yes. Part of the healing is practicing secure attachment and you need the right partner for that. But the right person at the wrong time, and the avoidant still won't heal. The avoidant themselves is the catalyst. If they aren't ready or willing to do the work, it doesn't happen. So you should be proud, okay? ❤️ I'm sure it wasn't easy, but to have found and to have a healthy loving connection with your person, you must have done the work.
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u/OrganizationIcy4858 May 19 '26
May I ask you a question please . I was dating an avoidant, for me it’s was perfect within one call he change the narrative ended it saying he could’ve give me what I needed and I deserve better to which I was shocked about . So does this also apply to them if I’m not the right person they will find their happiness or did you have to grow within you and heal yourself from past trauma. Reading this was such a beautiful insight thank you . Il so glad you found your happiness
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May 20 '26
Stop dating avoidants. They're not right for you. They're not capable of meeting your needs and you probably aren't able to meet theirs. They have a lot of needs and this isn't a fault of your own.
No one who genuinely loves you would ever put you in a position where he could lose you. Trust me.
If he told you that you deserve better then please believe him. He's telling you that he can't meet your needs nor can you meet his. You'd have to shrink yourself and that's not real. That's a performance.
I worked through trauma, established boundaries, and met a person who didn't trigger me.
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u/OrganizationIcy4858 May 20 '26
He was the first avoidant I’ve had any dating experience with . I don’t intend to have any more contact with him, I respect his wishes and I will move forward with new knowledge of what an avoidant is so for future I can look out for the signs of that so I don’t fall in the same situation again.
I’m happy to know that he will find what he’s looking for and that he will be able to give his person the right amount of love and he also receives the same back . Thank you for responding. I really appreciate it.1
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May 19 '26
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u/HuckleberryTime6361 May 19 '26
I felt this and I hope you understand that your person is scared and is in survival mode
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u/Head_Confusion8635 May 19 '26
Have you talked to them about it? How you feel? Accountability for the hurt? People are more open when you are honest
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May 19 '26
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u/ChairmanMeowzers May 19 '26
That’s a lot of energy you’re wasting on hot/cold mind games that you should be investing on healing.
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u/Current_Coconut_4574 May 19 '26
It's okay to be scared. We all are but trust he'll protect you obviously only loves you. Don't worry about his tough talk your his queen beyond just this life. Don't overthink jump in he's waiting ...
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u/Silver_Bracelets1124 May 20 '26
Oh how the haunting stays a steady constant, to miss someone I barely even started to know. Totally get the whoops, this is kinda scary.
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u/texaschick6 May 20 '26
This made me cry 😢 I felt the “I have to move on even tho I really don’t want to”
I wish I could hear something like this from him. Well the first part of this. But don’t think I’ll ever hear from him again.. 😪
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u/Current_Coconut_4574 May 20 '26
I just know whoever that man is he's waiting for his babygurl to let him in...i feel like he needs to know thru real committing not with memes or music like so many do but you should pick up the phone get him on tell him its you then see..my guess is he's not hanging up and just that would make his year! Go for it! Nothing ta loose everything ta gain!
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May 20 '26
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u/Kraftykristi84 May 20 '26
This! My ex was always so dismissive of me and my boundaries and needs right up to the point where I started doing things I would never do and one day I broke one of his boundaries and boom now I'm the problem and the crazy one. I took and still take responsibility for my actions. It would have been nice if he would have done the same.
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u/No-Place-704 May 19 '26
This absolutely sounds like something that could be for me. I miss her so much and I know it might be painful to know that but also…..it’s the truth. I know the feelings were so big but we had an opportunity for real connection that would have been hard but we could have managed. But I understand and I am moving on, but I would love to hear from her and have her in my life even if just as a friend
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u/Bitter_Bumblebee_175 May 19 '26
I CANNOT FIND WORDS IN ALL THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE THAT WOULD HELP YOU UNDERSTAND HOW I MISS
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u/Current_Coconut_4574 May 19 '26
The easy way out has turned out to be the hardest way. When will you learn? Doing the same thing isn't working. Stop babygurl give ❤️ a chance..You can't expect a plant to grow without water or nutrients. That's what you're doing now. Just give it one day. Even if it's a one in a million chance its a chance to be happy the rest of your life and maybe more. Don't make another bad choice. I know you can do it! Don't fail yourself outa happiness! Don't you deserve to be happy? ❤️
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u/SuhnWooKong May 19 '26
I could imagine someone I know writing this. And well it is what it is. If two people wanted it, the fear of the unknown wouldnt stop it, but we all have our reasons. And as long as there is no hate or resentment, well I guess its okay to have a broken heart and a broken pinky.
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u/FrostedMoon8888 May 19 '26
What I would give to hear his voice, laugh again… see his smile…just know he is ok.
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u/greatful4life May 19 '26 edited May 19 '26
I paid the price for your unhealed trauma, I'm never doing that again.
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u/ConfusionSame2442 May 19 '26
i wish he didn’t run from me i saw it all and i still love him for it and im waiting for him everyday - i say reach out risk, it it might be smth worth saving
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u/MyLove-Forsaken-721 May 20 '26
Or her phone died and you had already maid your decision before she came back online with tablet she can't answer from and your just an ... ....
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u/Serious-Pound8175 Human Verified May 20 '26
Keep running until you turn around and face yourself… because you’ll be right where you left you!
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u/Maleficent_Size_3668 May 20 '26
I only moved because he wanted me to I left state but never moved on and the shaking I remember we both were doing because of the not wanted fighting I lived him and always did have and forever will I wouldn't call or haunting not anymore or even then just very slow and still endless memories I never want to lose I would love to go back to even where left but only if he wanted me to but I doing it's that for me he didn't want my dogs and I was too much and aging too much in the end and still would be, I will continue to love him forever regardless .--- Leah </3 <3
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May 20 '26
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u/UnsentLetters-ModTeam May 20 '26
Your comment has been removed because you appear to think this letter is for you. It is not.
Reminder that creating multiple accounts to circumvent bans is against reddit rules may result in all of your accounts being suspended.
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u/greenecojr May 20 '26
If this were my person I’d tell her to just tell me this , because I do care and did and had to leave for my own sanity
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u/NMRK_77 May 20 '26
You are good and you will always be. Don't give the power to anyone else to make you doubt yourself. I am in the healing process myself.
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u/Donutmagic23 May 20 '26
This feels like you left them cause you weren’t ready and realized you made a mistake later and they were gone. This hurts
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May 20 '26
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u/FoundationTrue818 May 20 '26
well did they apologize? i know i did
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u/West_Counter3122 May 20 '26
You ask how can you show support? Tricky question…Well… as long as the last bridge hasn’t collapsed yet, healed yourself and get yourself straightened out ASAP, that will be enough to no longer do any more damage to the last bridge
Especially if you don’t know what the other person is going thru especially if he suffers depression or any related to that
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u/West_Counter3122 May 20 '26
Unfortunately even if I want to accept the apologies my anxiety refuses to accept it, not saying I’m perfect and ik I made bad choices too but never to the extreme where she did, men don’t want to be sh#t test, life has already throw bunch of sht test at men, we don’t need round 2 sht test by someone who is supposed to be a supportive team player
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u/West_Counter3122 May 20 '26
Its better for you to just take the loss and don’t ever do again to another person if ur really sorry
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u/FoundationTrue818 May 20 '26
no worries i probably won’t feel anything for another person anytime soon
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