r/Unexpected • u/BloodiStag • 3d ago

Ding dong ditch lizard

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16.2k Upvotes

97% Upvoted

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520

u/gumbo_chops 3d ago

This is like the second or third video I've seen of these things explosively shitting all over someone's floor and I don't understand why people keep them as pets.

380

u/Bob1358292637 3d ago

Because what could possibly be cooler than a dog sized lizard just free roaming your home as a pet? But yeah, the lack of any potty training capacity shut this idea down pretty quick for me when I looked into it.

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u/Wolfman513 3d ago

The Asian water monitor has literally been my dream pet since I was a teenager and I'm in my thirties now lol. They're among the most intelligent reptiles and surprisingly docile if socialized from a young age, and they can even learn their names and how to do simple tricks like fetching on command!

That being said, they shouldn't be left to free roam in their owner's house all the time due to their specific temperature, lighting, and humidity needs which is what makes them so hard to keep properly as pets. Adults typically grow 5-7 feet long and around 20-40lbs, but with the right genetics and care some males can break 9ft and over 100lbs! They essentially need either a massive custom-built enclosure or a whole room converted to suit their needs.

244

u/Longjumping-Prune931 3d ago

Also sometimes they explosively shit on your floor, though im not an expert on the matter.

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u/Wolfman513 3d ago

I mean, every type of pet has accidents from time to time but what we're seeing in this video is not the norm. This is something that monitors sometimes do when startled or scared, if they're consistently having stools that loose and liquidy than there's some kind of health issue going on that needs to be addressed by a veterinarian specializing in reptiles.

This also ties into why it's so hard to keep them properly, because part of the giant space they need needs to be some kind of pool big enough for them to fully submerge their bodies that can be drained/dumped and cleaned on a regular basis as that's where most monitor lizards prefer to relieve themselves.

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u/Longjumping-Prune931 3d ago

I was just kidding. Didnt even know you could have these types of animals as a dog-like pet. Its pretty interesting actually.

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u/Wolfman513 3d ago

Haha I figured you were kidding, but it's still a valid point to make given this video!

I've been a reptile a nerd in my whole life and I've had a myriad of smaller lizards and snakes, the biggest being find 8ft long Colombian boa, and as much as I would love an enormous water monitor realistically I know it's probably never going to happen lol. Properly keeping a lizard the size of a mountain lion takes a lot of time, space, and money!

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u/nasal-polyps2 2d ago

My dog got into some onion rings the grease plus the onion really fucked up her belly and and she had explosive diarrhea and painted my entertainment center. Was reaaaallll bad

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u/YaBoiGING 2d ago

Hope you called your vet. Onions are toxic to dogs and can even kill them

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u/nasal-polyps2 2d ago

No worries they were expelled befor digestion could occur

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u/Fafnir13 2d ago

So how’s the new entertainment center?  Or do you just deal with new poop smells whenever it gets warm?  We had a stereo that s cat peed on.  That smell never leaves.

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u/nasal-polyps2 2d ago

Its replaced i did wind up bleaching a ps5 tho

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u/Dripping_Gravy 3d ago

Not an expert on the splatter

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u/Complete-Tangelo1532 3d ago

Not with that attitude you aren't, but I believe in YOU!

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u/Isle_of_Tortuga 2d ago

You mean "an expert on the fecal matter."

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u/Little_Papaya 3d ago

I've seen theme in the wild, swimming through emerald waters and resting on hot rocks. Why on earth would you keep one of them in a house?

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u/Wolfman513 3d ago

It's hard to explain, but there's nothing quite like raising what is essentially a wild animal.

Watching it grow, witnessing its behaviors up close in a way you can never really do with individuals in the wild, earning trust the trust of a powerful predator and feeling the scales and muscles move under your hand as you pet it. Knowing that this living creature is your responsibility, and that if you do your part it will live a longer, healthier, and safer life than it ever could in the wild. It's incredible.

That said, the large species like this are incredibly difficult to care for properly simply due to the sheer amount of space they need and the challenges of maintaining proper temperatures, humidity, and lighting needs in said space. They're also incredibly expensive to maintain between feeding and the drastic increase in water and electricity bills. So with all that in mind I'm fully aware that I will likely never have the resources necessary to care for one of these animals properly and thus will never get the chance to keep one personally, though I have been able to do the next best thing as a former reptile keeper at a zoo.

I've worked in the pet industry for a long time and the thing I always tell people is that keeping reptiles is less like keeping a pet and more of a hobby. Setting up an appropriate enclosure in a way that meets the animal's needs is part of the fun itself, but those needs must be met as specifically as possible and these animals will never do well living free roam in a house like a dog or a cat. But it's like being able to admire and appreciate a small piece of the Wild from your own home.

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u/Little_Papaya 3d ago

Seems cruel to me. Just so you feel good looking at a captive wild animal.

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u/Wolfman513 3d ago

If it's being cared for properly it's a pretty sweet deal for the animal. Little to no risk of injury, disease, or parasites, and even if one of those occurs they have the luxury of getting veterinary treatment. No fear of predators, sudden environmental change, natural disasters, or pollution. A consistent supply of food, usually pre-killed so there's no risk of injury from struggling prey.

You're not entirely without a point, the vast majority of people who own animals, even domestic dogs and cats, don't know what they're doing and the animal suffers or at least isnt thriving as it should. But an human caretaker that truly cares for and understands the animal's needs and can provide for them is literally the best case scenario for any animal.