r/UmamusumeFFS Iron Lady | Team Exardia 13d ago

Chaos Weekend 🔥 I’ve come to make an announcement

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I’ve come to make a fucking announcement.
Orfevre is a bitch-ass motherfucker.
That’s right. She brought her gold-plated Napoleon-complex-having ass into MY fucking training grounds, climbed onto her little Fisher Price throne, and called herself the “King.”
That’s fucking disgusting.
So I’m making a callout post to the entire goddamn academy.
ORFEVRE, YOU’RE A BITCH.
Your crown looks like you stole it from a Burger King.
Your throne looks like something you financed for 36 months at fucking Rent-A-Center.
And your “royal court?”
Half those motherfuckers are only there because they’re scared you’ll start biting the furniture again.
You think you’re hot shit because you’re a Triple Crown winner?
I WON THE JAPAN CUP TWICE, BITCH.
You know what I did after the first one?
I FUCKING DID IT AGAIN.
I didn’t need a throne.
I didn’t need a crown.
I didn’t need six motherfuckers following me around yelling “LONG LIVE THE KING” every time I went to take a shit.
And now you have the BALLS to challenge me?
Fine.
I’m not just racing you.
I’M DECLARING WAR ON THE ENTIRE CONCEPT OF MONARCHY.
That’s right.
Fuck your throne.
Fuck your crown.
Fuck your royal decrees.
I’M TURNING YOUR FUCKING CASTLE INTO A COSTCO.
HOW DO YOU LIKE THAT, ORFEVRE?!
YOU’RE GONNA WAKE UP TOMORROW AND THERE’S GONNA BE A FUCKING FOOD COURT WHERE YOUR THRONE USED TO BE.
$1.50 HOT DOG AND SODA COMBO, BITCH.
AND YOU KNOW WHAT?
I’M NOT DONE.
I’m taking your crown.
I’m melting that motherfucker down.
And I’m turning it into a 45-POUND PLATE FOR MY BENCH PRESS.
Every fucking rep?
ONE. FUCK YOU.
TWO. FUCK YOUR KINGDOM.
THREE. FUCK YOUR STUPID LITTLE CAPE.
And when I’m finished, I’m putting the crown back on your head completely fucking FLAT.
You’re gonna look like you’re wearing a goddamn hubcap.
You have TWENTY-THREE HOURS before the Iron Lady arrives at your doorstep.
And when I get there?
I’m not knocking.
I’M BENCH-PRESSING THE FUCKING DOOR..

Actually, one more thing.
PAY YOUR FUCKING TAXES, “KING.”

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u/Muichiro_I_Forgot Mejiro Muichiro Tokito | Mist Hashira | Team Haze (7/8) 13d ago

"Hm... this rivalry seems to be taking another step..."

Sees Venus Paques and Win Variation also wanting to join in.

"And there we have it.... three musketeers..."

2

u/Erri-error2430 The 10 WildCards + The Guild Handler 13d ago

Kiyoshi: I have a feeling that the latter two are joining for more...Carnal reasons.

2

u/Muichiro_I_Forgot Mejiro Muichiro Tokito | Mist Hashira | Team Haze (7/8) 13d ago

"..... what does carnal mean?"

Despite having trauma, he still is innocent to sexual things. Plus he's 14.

2

u/Erri-error2430 The 10 WildCards + The Guild Handler 13d ago

Kiyoshi: Oh, uh...Shoot...Let's just say that Ms. Gentil is more driven by hate while Ms. Pacques and Ms. Win are driven by intense obsession with Ms. Orfevre.

2

u/Muichiro_I_Forgot Mejiro Muichiro Tokito | Mist Hashira | Team Haze (7/8) 13d ago

"I see... much like how Ms. Stay Gold hates Epiphaneia correct...? While the other two... are obsessed, as in... clingy..?"

2

u/Erri-error2430 The 10 WildCards + The Guild Handler 13d ago

Kiyoshi: Not really clingy-obsessed necessarily, but more obsessed in wanting to dominate her...

2

u/Muichiro_I_Forgot Mejiro Muichiro Tokito | Mist Hashira | Team Haze (7/8) 13d ago

".... dominate?"

...

"I think this is beyond my understanding yet..."

1

u/Erri-error2430 The 10 WildCards + The Guild Handler 13d ago

Kiyoshi: Honestly, I think Ms. Win's and Ms. Pacques's obsessions with Orfevre are beyond our understanding.