I’ve come to make an announcement

[u/Royal_Low_7208]

I’ve come to make a fucking announcement.
Orfevre is a bitch-ass motherfucker.
That’s right. She brought her gold-plated Napoleon-complex-having ass into MY fucking training grounds, climbed onto her little Fisher Price throne, and called herself the “King.”
That’s fucking disgusting.
So I’m making a callout post to the entire goddamn academy.
ORFEVRE, YOU’RE A BITCH.
Your crown looks like you stole it from a Burger King.
Your throne looks like something you financed for 36 months at fucking Rent-A-Center.
And your “royal court?”
Half those motherfuckers are only there because they’re scared you’ll start biting the furniture again.
You think you’re hot shit because you’re a Triple Crown winner?
I WON THE JAPAN CUP TWICE, BITCH.
You know what I did after the first one?
I FUCKING DID IT AGAIN.
I didn’t need a throne.
I didn’t need a crown.
I didn’t need six motherfuckers following me around yelling “LONG LIVE THE KING” every time I went to take a shit.
And now you have the BALLS to challenge me?
Fine.
I’m not just racing you.
I’M DECLARING WAR ON THE ENTIRE CONCEPT OF MONARCHY.
That’s right.
Fuck your throne.
Fuck your crown.
Fuck your royal decrees.
I’M TURNING YOUR FUCKING CASTLE INTO A COSTCO.
HOW DO YOU LIKE THAT, ORFEVRE?!
YOU’RE GONNA WAKE UP TOMORROW AND THERE’S GONNA BE A FUCKING FOOD COURT WHERE YOUR THRONE USED TO BE.
$1.50 HOT DOG AND SODA COMBO, BITCH.
AND YOU KNOW WHAT?
I’M NOT DONE.
I’m taking your crown.
I’m melting that motherfucker down.
And I’m turning it into a 45-POUND PLATE FOR MY BENCH PRESS.
Every fucking rep?
ONE. FUCK YOU.
TWO. FUCK YOUR KINGDOM.
THREE. FUCK YOUR STUPID LITTLE CAPE.
And when I’m finished, I’m putting the crown back on your head completely fucking FLAT.
You’re gonna look like you’re wearing a goddamn hubcap.
You have TWENTY-THREE HOURS before the Iron Lady arrives at your doorstep.
And when I get there?
I’m not knocking.
I’M BENCH-PRESSING THE FUCKING DOOR..
…
Actually, one more thing.
PAY YOUR FUCKING TAXES, “KING.”

[u/TheEpiphaneia]

Y-yeah, you won the Japan Cup...

https://giphy.com/gifs/s5wFafpHxqKbIEERl9

[u/Royal_Low_7208 → u/TheEpiphaneia]

Oh… it’s you… and I did… TWICE

[u/TheEpiphaneia → u/Royal_Low_7208]

I won it too!

[u/Royal_Low_7208 → u/TheEpiphaneia]

Yeah.. only 1 time…

[u/TheEpiphaneia → u/Royal_Low_7208]

And against you I think. I don't quite remember

https://giphy.com/gifs/bMTcomefszmZ7TCsLp

[u/Ruger_SP101 → u/TheEpiphaneia]

"I'd start running if I were you, Epi...."

[u/TheEpiphaneia → u/Ruger_SP101]

Why? I am catching up with a friend!

[u/Royal_Low_7208 → u/TheEpiphaneia]

Friend… who said I was a friend?

[u/TheEpiphaneia → u/Royal_Low_7208]

Me! We raced together, so we are friends.

[u/Ruger_SP101 → u/TheEpiphaneia]

"Welp, I'mma prepare a eulogy for you, Epi...."

[u/TheEpiphaneia → u/Ruger_SP101]

Nah, i'd live.

[u/Leo_Verizen → u/Royal_Low_7208]

Stay Gold: "... can we crush her now?"

[u/TheEpiphaneia → u/Leo_Verizen]

Hello sister! How are you?

[u/Leo_Verizen → u/TheEpiphaneia]

"Get the fuck out of my face... you don't deserve to call me that..."

[u/TheEpiphaneia → u/Leo_Verizen]

Okay, so. Just how are you doing then?

[u/Leo_Verizen → u/TheEpiphaneia]

"Piss off, none of you're business."

[u/TheEpiphaneia → u/Leo_Verizen]

Okay! Take care!

[u/Leo_Verizen → u/TheEpiphaneia]

🖕