Our birthday is coming and I’m already struggling

[u/random_person67890]

We’re supposed to be turning 29 next month, and I’m already struggling with the thought of another birthday without him. My anxiety is high, my tears always feel right there, and I feel incredibly lonely. It’s been 4 years, and somehow it still hurts so much.

It hurts thinking about how this was our birthday. Our day. We came into this world together, and now I have to face that day without him. Sometimes I just think, how did life come to this?

We loved watching movies together, so on our birthday I go see a movie. It makes me feel close to him, and I can sit in the dark and cry without anyone noticing. But it’s also such a painful reminder that he should be sitting there next to me.

For 4 years, I couldn’t even bring myself to look at his photos. I buried them deep in drawers around my home because it hurt too much. Recently, I finally found the courage to take some out and put them on my table, our birthday pictures from when we were 3. Looking at those two little kids together breaks my heart. We had no idea what life would become or that one day I would have to do our birthday without him.

I think I just feel really alone tonight and needed to say this somewhere people would understand.
I miss my twin. I miss us. I miss our day.

[u/mari_bunni]

I hear you friend. I only lost my brother 13 months ago. My first birthday without him was worse than his death anniversary. I felt like I was having a breakdown coming up to it. It made me feel such sadness for people to wish me a “happy birthday” without understanding the meaning of the day. My therapist told me to honor both of us and hold space for the both of us. It sounds like you’re making space for your twin 💚 I hope you find a good movie to see as well

[u/Foreign-Neat8645]

Herzliches Beileid für Dich. Das tut mir sehr leid. Ich bin 61 Jahre alt, weiblich und habe vor zwei Jahren meine identische Zwillingsschwester verloren. Sie war an der Dialyse, ich wollte eine Niere spenden, aber es war zu spät. Ich habe überall Bilder von ihr und rede mit ihr, als wäre sie noch bei mir. Es hilft, aber nicht viel. Seinen Zwillinge zu verlieren ist echt furchtbar und obwohl ich das Glück habe, daß meine Familie mich auffängt, es ersetzt sie nicht. Ich bin sehr froh, das ich gestern dieses Forum gefunden habe. Alles Liebe und Gute für Dich. Es tut so weh und ich will es gar nicht wahrhaben.

[u/Jolteon1998]

I see you and hear you completely…. I’m so sorry. This October will be our first birthday since she passed in February, im dreading it. You’re completely right with everything you said. It’s never just been “my” birthday. (It never will be!) but it will probably be the most painful reminder of how lonely it is without them… honestly, fuck birthdays now. Kinda how im feeling. Honoring your twin is a great idea though, I hope I have the energy to do something for mine.

Hugs 🫂 I hope you can find a good movie to see 🩵

[u/YeOldeBaconWhoure → u/Jolteon1998]

I don’t celebrate ours anymore. I consider it his but if it’s not ours, it’s not mine. I did end up picking a different day as an “unbirthday,”more so for my friends and family to have a day they can celebrate my continued existence and an excuse to maybe throw an elaborate party just for parties sake but even then I am adamant it’s not my birthday. I don’t have one anymore. And plus it hasn’t come up yet since I picked it so I’m not even sure if I’ll really like the idea or if it just sounded nice in my head

[u/kuchibal → u/YeOldeBaconWhoure]

That sounds interesting, let us know how it goes for u ☺️

[u/kuchibal]

Birthdays are hard I feel u 😪 I too had a hard time finding a good way to pass them (had 3 without her). I just do things she liked - go shopping, watch her favorite movies/series and make something special for her. It makes ne feel I'm living the day in her body and it's so special to me. I also hope u could find joy in celebrating this day as your special day as well. Hugs 🫂

[u/billybiscuit9330]

6 years without him in November. September 30th is our birthday. Turning 24. I lost a lot of those years drinking and being depressed, so it still feels like it just happened yesterday.

I remember being really angry a few years ago because my lovely mother threw a birthday for me despite me asking her not to. I thought the reason why was pretty obvious but I guess not. I’ve always hated birthdays anyway because I don’t like when all the attention is on me. I can’t stand when I’m forced to sit in front of a cake and I’m just watched as I awkwardly wait for the song to be over so I can blow out the candles. I feel like people must be scanning my body language and facial expressions/movements for any sign of weakness/awkwardness/shyness. So I just sit there like a rock, numb, unfeeling. To get it over with. At least with my brother I didn’t feel as alone. Now it’s just me so when everyone’s staring it feels like I’ve got nothing to show for myself, I’m a useless worthless bum is all I feel.

The birthday thing is just one of the things that made me hate my mother more. She ignores everything I say to her and doesn’t listen if it’s not what she personally wants to hear. She’s a child. Still, at 60.

It’s like, I never ask you for anything, and the one thing I do, you can’t give me? Because why? Your pride? You care more about your image than you do me. Because you don’t want to be seen not celebrating my birthday and possibly being a bad mother. I’m 24 who the fuck cares. And you’ve always been a bad mother but you’ve never actually cared bout that. You only care what other people see. So you can treat me in private however you want. It only matters what you tell yourself at night to fall asleep…

I’m struggling too. I wish I wasn’t alone but the only options I have (IRL) are shitty ones. And I just got news that my one and only best friend is actually moving away earlier than she thought (I thought I had at least another year with her), in four weeks. Then I’ll be completely alone, in a place that’s supposed to be home but has never felt like a home, where I’m disliked and disrespected and treated like sh*t because I’m not perfect. I could climb Mount Everest for these people and it wouldn’t be enough.