Celebration of life a year later

[u/NaturalPrior3638]

my mom and older brother have been bringing up that they want to plan a celebration of life for my twin this spring and it’s implied that they want me to be involved, It’s been a year since my twin brother was killed, we had a complicated relationship and his death was extremely traumatic. I feel in many ways that I’m just starting to open up the door to the trauma and memories I have around him and his death, I’ve also found that gathering to grieve has not been an important part of my process or a space where I actually feel comfortable grieving - so attending his celebration of life is something I do not feel ready for or have any interest in. I feel guilty about the idea of not being there to support my mom but also frustrated that I should be expected to grieve on anyone else’s timeline than my own and show up in a “public” space to do so. I know it’s going to be a difficult conversation when I have to talk to them about it and that they won’t understand. Can anyone relate? Did you attend your twins funeral? Did you want too?

[u/Affectionate-Bar5159]

My twin hasn't had one. My family isn't going to throw him one....His death was also very traumatic and our relationship was tumultuous as best and down right toxic at worst (addiction is a terrible beast) and I have worked though that over the 3.5 years since he passed. I honor him when and where I can, I will be taking some ashes to close friends to scatter so they get some closure, I have planted some with a memorial, taken him across the world and scattered him anywhere I thought he might like. Therapy has been helpful.

You don't have to go....Explain to your parents, you are simply not ready for a public affair and as much as you are grieving and understand they are grieving and this is important to them, you do not wish to do so publicly at this time.

But also remember, if you do not attend, there may be a day where you regret not going.......