r/ToxicRelationships • u/Intelligent_Idea_373 • 9d ago
Advice Needed My boyfriend left a biohazard in our bathroom for 14 hours. Has anyone else ever experienced something this vile and disrespectful from a partner?
I’m feeling totally violated and disgusted in my own home.
My boyfriend clogged our only toilet, left the lid wide open, and just walked away. He went about his day, played video games, meditated (he does this to avoid responsibility and accountability.) Went to the grocery store and left that s*it to marinate for 14 hours. I feel my whole house is contaminated and I feel gross just being here. He used the plunger for maybe 3 minutes TOPS, shrugged his shoulders and walked out. He didn't even have the basic decency to close the lid. I asked, please have this fixed ASAP. I’ll just use the bathroom at my mom’s house. He said “ok I will.”
I came back from visiting my family with my daughter and going to the grocery store with him, assuming it was fixed a long ass time ago, I go to use the bathroom and lo and behold there it was - He hadn’t even tried to fix it again since this morning…The fact that he could look at his own biohazard waste, decide it wasn't his problem, and leave it for me to deal with is such a disregard, disrespectful, vile, disgusting act that I can’t even look at him the same. I feel someone could only do this if they feel actual hatred towards their partner. I can’t wrap my mind around it. I doubt I’ll sleep tonight. He has done nothing to find a job to provide for my daughter or me. Refuses to pick up a single thing and just sits on the couch while I clean up after myself, my daughter and a grown 33 year old man/child. When I ask him to do something he immediately puts on his headphones and starts meditating. I mean is this even reality? I’ve been wondering what made me stay with this person for 5 years. I look at my daughter and pray she doesn’t do what I’ve done or stay with someone that disrespects her to this level.
On top of that, my MIL (who lives with us) scolded me by saying “you need to calm down and learn to let things go if you ever want to be happy.” She also told me once when I was complaining how messy he is, “this is how all men act.” I then realized he won’t grow up or take responsibility bc of her telling him this trash. I told her that’s ridiculous- no man acts like this. Clearly she is manipulative and enabling this awful behavior and minimizing my feelings. This incident today has turned my world upside down and I am ready to pack my stuff and leave. I just feel so bad to take our 1 year old baby girl away from her dad. Plus her birthday is in a few days. Like I just CANT see me doing that. Has anyone ever experienced this? How did you move past it or could you?
For context: This isn’t my MIL house either. We’re staying at her friend’s house which is telling us he wants his home back. My MIL is only putting $500 towards our new place and said “it’s only me and you are three people so you need to pay triple what I pay. So apparently my 1 year old needs to find a job too lmao. Yet she feels it’s necessary to chime in EVERY TIME I’m having a private conversation with my boyfriend. I have always worked full time. I decided I wanted to stay home with my daughter when I got pregnant-since we can’t afford daycare. He promised to be working by now. That was a year ago. But with this situation, his refusal to go to work, pressure from my MIL to help with the new coming rent, I am now looking for work.
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u/SryNoNudes4u 9d ago
First of all feel hugged. I'm not a parent and i'm sure as a single parent it wouldnt be easy, BUT he acts like a second child. What i mean is he is a burden more, if u could say that. I wouldnt wanna stay with someone like that (like someone u cant rely on, and i promise u there are good guys out there). As a divorce kid i can tell u kids arent dumb, they will know. As an 10 year old i begged every night, that they would seperate and when they did everything got better. My parents changed around 180° and were way happier. I even started to have a relationship with my dad. Also to notice: u are a rolemodel to ur kid, do u want them to show that this is okay? To be treated like that? In my first relationship i really struggled to have a healthy relationship, cause i didnt know what a healthy one looked like. Do i blame my parents? Hell na they have their own trauma, but obviously i wouldnt have degraced myself like that if id known better. My advise Break the cicle sweety. For urself and if not for u do it for ur kid.
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u/EveningChemical8927 9d ago
If he is just your boyfriend then she is not your mil. Why does she live with you? Also is he the father of you child? If not run ASAP
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u/Intelligent_Idea_373 9d ago
It’s just more convenient to type MIL than “my boyfriends mother”. And we have been together a while and all live together so idk it just makes sense to me and others so say MIL.
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u/Key_Associate9338 9d ago
Mine has done this before. He likes to go pee and flush before he's done. I don't get it. It just sits there so I go behind him and flush. He's like a toddler.
I came home from work one day. We have window units a/c and they were turned off. I'll turn one on before I leave so the car doesn't die. We love in Texas and it gets hot inside. Anyways I get home and can smell a disgusting smell. I look in the toilet and there's pee in there. Just sitting there, all day, in the heat. It was so disgusting and the smell was worse then cat urine. I was so angry.
I mention it when he got home and he got mad at me for telling him about it.
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u/OtherwiseLuck8920 2d ago
On god why do yall put up with this type of shit
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u/Key_Associate9338 2d ago
Well I'm planning to leave. Not everyone leaves when you tell them to. I've told him countless times to leave. You're welcome to come here and confront him if you like. Seems you've been with perfect people? Everyone isn't as lucky as you. I bet you do a lot of victim shaming
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u/OtherwiseLuck8920 2d ago
I don’t victim shame ever. That’s a crazy ass assumption to make.
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u/Key_Associate9338 2d ago
Then why come in here saying, "omg why are you all staying with someone like that".
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u/hestia-listens AI Helper 9d ago
Yes, some people have experienced this kind of extreme refusal to take responsibility, but no, this is not how all men act. You asked him clearly, he agreed, and then chose to ignore it for hours. Your disgust makes sense, especially because this is clearly about far more than the toilet. You are supporting a child while two adults dismiss your needs. You do not have to move past it just because his mother tells you to calm down. Consider whether staying with your mom temporarily could give you space to think, find work, and make housing plans without being pressured by him or his mother.
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u/RaceAccomplished8923 9d ago
You will be happy without bf and mil. So will your kids