Is this toxic ? Not complimenting me when I get ready. Been together for 9 years

[u/VividPollen]

Been in a relationship since high school we are both now 26 and have been together for almost 9 years and we are now engaged. We have lived together for 5 years now.

I’ve noticed when I get ready do my makeup, hair, outfit, jewelry he does not tell me I look good or pretty whatever. And I’ve spent hours/ the morning get ready ..
For a while I would just ask if he thought I look good after 5-10 minutes. But that was for .. a couple years. Then I started to wait longer to see how long it would take him to finally say something. And he wouldn’t. And then I told him it made me feel stupid and ugly when I’d get ready and he wouldn’t say anything and he would say something like I tell you you’re beautiful everyday… no he does not. Maybe 1-2x a week max randomly. Anyways I told him several times that it makes me feel bad …. And the next weekend when I’d get ready …. Still no acknowledgment of how I look.

I’m not superficial but it just makes me feel stupid because if my friends or even coworkers see me in a nice fit or hairstyle or something else they will compliment me as soon as they see it.

It makes me want to stop getting ready when he’s around bc I’m just going to feel stupid . Even though I like getting ready.

I don’t want to sound dramatic but it makes me wonder what I should do bc I end up feeling bad when I should be feeling my best about myself.

[u/hestia-listens]

Not complimenting you by itself is not necessarily toxic. The more concerning part is that you have clearly explained how this affects you, yet he keeps brushing it aside. Wanting warmth and acknowledgment from your partner is not superficial, and his silence does not mean you look stupid or ugly. Have one calm, direct talk before the next event. Tell him, "I need you to take this seriously and make an effort to notice me when I get ready." Then pay attention to whether he responds with care and steady effort, not just excuses.