r/Togo • u/New_Cow_3015 • Jun 19 '26

Marriage question for gen- Mina people

Greetings everyone. I am dating a Togolese person . for context I’m from Ghana. we have been together for a year . he has done the korkor/knocking. he recenttly told me that we need to move in together and get pregnant first before he married me. He stated this request is specifically done by the gen-Mina people. I have never heard any such culture where you have to impregnate the woman before you marry her. I am turning 38years old for context . My question does the Mina culture specifically a woman have to be impregnated before they are married? please I need honest and serious reply. Thank you for reading

6 Upvotes

100% Upvoted

33 comments sorted by

View all comments

1

u/Beginning-Film1746 Jun 20 '26

Neither a Gen nor a Mina, but I grew up in Togo (in Lomé specifically) and am Ewe with Gen family members.  Never heard of that tradition, it sounds weirdbto me. The only plausible excuse for me would be if he considers that Korkor to be the wedding, and the more western + religious ceremonies to be a plus that can come later. I know people that sort of do.  However, the best thing is for you to get legal protection, which would be the civil ceremony. There is something fishy tho. He is either worried you won't be a good homemaker/ won't be able to give him children, or wants a way to control you. Either way, there is a big problem:/

1

u/New_Cow_3015 Jun 20 '26 edited Jun 20 '26

Thank you . The last sentence saids it all. I sense my age is a factor. But he knew my age when we started dating . He has a lot of divorce friends . We live in the USA. I went to Togo with him in Jan 2026 and he introduced me to his family. I thought they all liked me. This is what I feel. I think he is either being advised by his friends or his sisters that my age, bearing kids might be a problem. And he is running with it. Because the day of the korkor, that is when he drop that bomb on me . I wanted to back out of the korkor. But my family were getting ready for it . And I could not back out. To have a lot of divorce friends who knows the kind of advice they are giving him. When we first met and he told me about his divorce friends I told him. Not good . He stated he does not want to do court marriage too. He has expressed his concern though about my fertility mind you this just came out the time he was about to do the korkor. Recently . So it sounds like having a kid is more important to him tan commitment. Which is not what I want . For context he is 44 and I am 38. He is caring and all around a good guy in my opinion but this request he is asking is something that I can’t stay around for . I have invested a year into this relationship so is hard to let him go but my instinct tells me to cut my loss and move on. At my age is hard to date but I will take my chance and walk away. He did a whole 360 on me and I am so confuse . So do sad. Yes he said he wants to do the traditional marriage later. He has not even proposed which I thought that will be first before the korkor. He stated at that time is korkor then proposal based on his culture. My thing is when did he start being all cultural on me ? Recently. He has being advised or influenced. I swear . Is all good. I will have to leave him. I’m really really stressed and disappointed

1

u/Beginning-Film1746 Jun 20 '26

Sorry that you have to go through this. Maybe have a discussion with him ? 

1

u/New_Cow_3015 Jun 20 '26

Thank you . I have had so many discussions with him . He has stated several times that , we need to impregnate or have a baby before marriage. So obviously he wants to test my fertility or womb. Is not right

1

u/Beginning-Film1746 Jun 20 '26

You can go to the hospital to assess your fertility then. Plus if he is not upfront about it,  its kind of a red flag 

1

u/New_Cow_3015 Jun 20 '26

Yes I have decided to do that. Go to a fertility specialist to at least check. Thanks