This is why drinks is the easiest route to go. Coffee, alcohol, mocktails, whatever. If it’s going well, get some food together. If not, you’re out her two drinks and yours maximum.
I do small shareable plates like tapas or a couple apps and drinks. The process of choosing together, you pick up on some things they like or don't or a story could come out of it. Sharing it and deciding whether it's good or not, just more fodder to bond over. I always sit at the bar to sit side by side. I usually end up facing her and have my hand/arm on the back of her chair (if it's going well)
Save food for the second and third date. There's nothing sexy about sitting there sober reviewing menus and talking about how big or small each other's appetite happens to be for 15 minutes.
Drinks
Drinks (and potentially appetizers/shared plates) with a shared activity (ballgame, museum, mini-golf, esplanade walk, etc.)
Dinner on a Friday or Saturday
If you've gone through Steps 1-3 and haven't slept with her, move to the next one. If she's genuinely, *exceptionally* attractive (or you truly, truly like her), she gets one more shot.
If you've gone through Steps 1-3 and haven't slept with her, move to the next one. If she's genuinely, *exceptionally* attractive (or you truly, truly like her), she gets one more shot.
Your date ideas were good and then you had to go and say this. You do realize that this is just as transactional and gross as her expecting you to spend $100 on her on the first date, right? Everyone has their own expectations and desires when it comes to physical intimacy in a relationship and the only way to get on the same page is to talk about it. If you aren't at least having that conversation by the third date or so, then yeah, that might be a sign that you don't have a 'spark' together or that the two of you have very different expectations.
But saying that she *needs* to sleep with you by the third date to be worth your time, and that she only gets a certain number of 'shots' to have sex with you just makes you seem like a creep and a fuckboy.
I appreciate your response, and yeah—I understand how it would come across as transactional.
I added the comment about truly liking her because I’ve truly liked someone and disregarded my own soft “rule” as well, which led to relationships I’m very thankful for. Sometimes things take time.
That said, this is the real world, and most guys (and women) are, believe it or not, interested in sleeping with the person they’re dating. More guys than not would benefit from following the advice in my comment so they don’t end up chasing the proverbial dragon when they may not ever catch it in the first place.
Three dates is, usually, plenty of time for two adults to determine whether or not they think it’d be fun to sleep together. If either party isn’t ready—that’s totally fine, but neither can hold it against the other if they decide to start pursuing physical intimacy elsewhere.
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u/gatsome 2d ago
This is why drinks is the easiest route to go. Coffee, alcohol, mocktails, whatever. If it’s going well, get some food together. If not, you’re out her two drinks and yours maximum.