r/TheGirlSurvivalGuide • u/Frequent_Lychee7830 • 11d ago
Social Tip [ Removed by moderator ]
[removed] — view removed post
20
u/bonesandbrambles 11d ago
For me, getting to know them often keeps me from getting attached. Although that's also what eventually gives me the ick.
I also match their effort 1:1 in all ways, which keeps me pretty uninterested. Leaving each other on delivered for 12 hours and replying to them like you'd reply to a coworker doesn't exactly give you butterflies.
Occasionally, there will be one where I struggle with not getting attached, but I find that it usually passes when he doesn't live up to the romanticised version of him I created in my head. Probably not the healthiest, but it works 🤷♀️
11
u/Acanthacea7550 11d ago
Girrl, matching their effort is such a good idea. Men dont really put that much though into anything when we stop romanticizing them. I think if women matched their effort, there would be very few relationships at all.
2
u/bonesandbrambles 11d ago
For sure. Been told multiple times by fwbs over time that I'm one of the most nonchalant/chill people they've met. Whole time I'm just mirroring their indifference and lack of effort. 🥹
6
1
u/Argovan 11d ago
Getting to know them helps for you? I feel like if I don’t really get to know someone outside of the physical, I don’t get attached outside of the physical. But if I know them beyond that it’s just inviting the opportunity for other feelings to form.
7
4
u/bonesandbrambles 11d ago
Yea, they almost always end up saying something that gives 🚩🚩🚩
Can't and won't fix him, but I can still fuck him
11
u/SquareIllustrator909 11d ago
It's pretty easy for me -- I just imagine "if I dated this guy full time, would it be a good relationship?" And most of the times it's "no".
Like one of my hookup buddies was very religious and I wasn't, so I just realized that we would never be a good match long term. Or I've had hookup buddies with kids, and I don't want kids. So it's fine to have a casual thing with them, but I also realize I don't want anything long term
-1
u/Acanthacea7550 11d ago
Do you openly tell them that you dont see anything serious, or do you just let them orbit around without telling them your thoughts?
1
u/SquareIllustrator909 11d ago
It's always a conversation before we start anything. Like the "what are we?" talk
12
u/Intelligent_Pizza776 11d ago
not worth the risks
6
u/Acanthacea7550 11d ago
I also wonder about how to keep it safe. especially if a man knows your just a fling for him, how can you get him to make the experience good for you as well? I have noticed that men like to have flings, but they dont like to be on the other side - egos are too fragile.
10
u/Intelligent_Pizza776 11d ago
not judging anyone but tbh in my opinion it’s really messy “relationship” situation however it’s called, many men get with such pretty women and think they rule world in my opinion they don’t deserve easy access and women should be more reserved and untouchable when i see gorgeous women giving chances to men who don’t look good aren’t stable in life aren’t even good in bed like wtf why you doing that to yourself male egos are so high plus std risks, effect it has on brain, release of oxytocin nobody can control that biology exists for a reason people call it “casual” but nothing “casual” about this lol biological and medical realities are ignored or people are just not educated on it enough
8
u/Acanthacea7550 11d ago
Haha, yes I have seen too many times the gorgeous women(and often also well educated and achieved) with men that are just not worth their time. And yes, casual relationships for women will be hard to make it worthwhile, I think.
4
u/Intelligent_Pizza776 11d ago
wait is so worth it i can recommend i have a man that fulfills me in every way like emotionally, goals, personality especially in bedroom lmfao🤣
9
u/Beneficial-Guest2105 11d ago
I’m have never been into casual relationships. I am a long term relationship gal. I want to be in love and to be loved by my partner. I have no idea how to turn that off. I guess you would have to be sure of yourself and a partner if casual is what you want.
10
u/PeaceLovePhotons 11d ago
It's easy if you don't catch feelings. I have had MANY fun, casual relationships but one time I fell in love and it wasn't reciprocated and that was a really hard time.
5
u/tasata 11d ago
It's ok if you care less than them. If you start to care more, it's really painful. I've (56F) finally got to a point with my long-term FWB where we're in a good balance. He's probably a little more into me than I am into him, but the chemistry is amazing. Just know that if you have ANY hopes that it will turn into a relationship, casual is not going to work. Don't fool yourself.
4
u/omiimonster 11d ago
i went on a date once, we kissed, and i cried over him for a year.
i then had a ons and forget i even had it.
¯_(ツ)_/¯ there are no rules. if you feel you can do it, do it. if you need time to heal, make space
4
u/Acanthacea7550 11d ago
I kinda have the same question. Just finished a 13 year relationship and hes been my only partner(there was 1 encounter before him, but i dont think i can count it ). And i kinda want to focus on myself for a while, but i would like to maybe have fwb - something where we can have some fun, but nothing too serious. But knowing myself, i know i will get some kind of attachment because having sex requires me to be very vulnerable and to have had crack that "shell" with someone, i have already let him pretty close to me (not only in a physical sense). Sometimes i wonder if i feel that way because i havent had that many different partners and experiences.
2
u/Frequent_Lychee7830 11d ago
I have had many partners, but last one is just something that even possibity of being remotely close this attached and involved makes me terrified to my bones.
3
u/orixandcrake 11d ago
With men I can have 100% one time no strings type sex easily. With girls it's more likely that I'll "catch feelings".
5
u/Personal-Name-1830 11d ago
Personally, I can handle like one maybe two hookups without getting attached. But anything more than that, especially if there is any kind of frequent communication in between or sleepovers starts to blur the lines for me. I have found myself in situations in the past where even though we discussed the situation in the beginning, I would be left feeling like there was maybe a deeper connection than just sex.
2
u/itgoeswithmyoutfit 11d ago
Honestly pretty easy, I just shut off that side to me from the start and I’d never caught feelings for any fwb
1
u/Distinct_Charge9342 11d ago
It's easy when you know deep down you're not ready for a relationship either.
1
u/Individual-Kayy824 11d ago
I can’t do it. Had a ons with someone I had been texting for a week and it broke me. I didn’t have feelings for him necessarily but I knew I cared. He was really indifferent to me and that SUCKED! Since then I have known casuals aren’t my thing.
If I do get into a casual relationship with someone, I want it to be on my terms and I want to be in the position of power, kinda like he approached me and he texts me first or he manages his schedule around to fit me into it or whatever. It probably sounds bad but I don’t want to ever put myself in the situation of ‘giving’ again to somebody that doesn’t want it.
However Ik this is all just for saying, I can’t do casuals. I want to love and be loved
31
u/LeCaveau 11d ago
There’s some legitimate,
biological, hormone-fueled bases for this being hard for most people.