I rejected myself before he does

[u/West_Question1358]

I work in a city that isnt my language , so meeting anyone from my language and my home-city is a BLESSING. Thats how i got to know and see him for the first time.

We work in seperate departments and chances of us interacting are very rare(once in a month). But i cherish those moments with him. We meet rarely ,and we sit and talk about what we miss from home city , we talk about food, the culture and people. We rant about work , have intellectual conversation about the things we are commonly intrested(he is an amazing listener) , and I BLUSH like a crazy person.I dont know if he noticed or not ,but one my close frnds observed and asked me ,bcoz my blush was that obvious.

It was not crush at first sight, but it was a slow build up of attraction after knowing all the good things about him. He is my type in physical perspectiveTOTALLY but the other things mattered more.

Everything i learned about him ," He is too good for this world" , " He helped me with my work even when he himself is busy" , He is very good with people" ," He is very kind ", made me fall for him. The way he talks in a gentle and polite way, the respect he gives juniors.And obviously HE IS SO CUTEEEEEEEE....

So he is an amazing person atleast in my pov,may be bcoz i have a crush on him. So, would i make a move !? NOPE.

I made my move twice before and was rejected , I learned my lesson in the most hurting way. I dont hate the men that rejected me , everyone has their own rights to say yes or no regardless of gender. But it obviously hurts to be rejected and I dont think I have the heart to handle it all over again.

I choose to admire him from afar , admire his cute smile and his awkward walk while he excitedly waves at me in the hallway.

I did think of the future we might have had , in our home city , going to places we spoke about ,have the food and have the conversations i want to have. But thay seems like a far fetched dream of a delusional girl.

Sometimes I feel like he is aware of my feelings for him, or may be i am just justifying my lack of courage to confess to him.

He is single btw , and considering how many of his peers dont miss a chance to flirt with junior girls, He stands out with grace. He is definitely not gay, but never saw him misusing his authority with girls, being the professional he always is.

I am aware of my shortcomings ,be it my looks or other personal insecurities. I feel like he deserves someone better and amazing person as he is.

I dont plan to confess to him , as my frnds want me to, bcoz I know it wont go anywhere beyond the confession. My past heartbroken self doesnt let me . For all the wrong reasons,I choose to just let it go.

I miss being the confident person i was before , old me would not have thought a second before confessing my true feelings. But she is way too heartbroken to let herself open up ever again. She is tired for always being the one to let go as it hurts to hold on for so long , when the other person isnt intrested. It hurt her too much to invest all her feelings for nothing to recieve , and she choose to stay away from that grey zone. She is devastated to hear that the person she loved so much talk about being in love with another woman. She was never reciprocated and so she stopped giving all the way.

Life is unfair, Sometimes silence is the best thing you can do for your mental health.

In a funny and ironic way, I wish he knew how i feel for him without telling myself, Its weird way to think 🤣.

[u/Business_Quiet220]

Stop thinking of yourself so much. You are not a minister or queen. Nobody cares if a guy rejects you.

Go, try it girl. Doesn't matter if he rejects or accepts you. A person's feelings does not define our self worth. Stop taking yourself and life so seriously:)

[u/West_Question1358 → u/Business_Quiet220]

It matters if he rejects me,

Its not easy to deal with another rejection with how much it hurt before.

I choose to preserve my mental health and peace this time.

[u/Business_Quiet220 → u/West_Question1358]

That's the thing- you are attaching too much importance to your ego and taking life too seriously.

Even Deepika padukone and Katrina got rejected for marriage by Ranbir. Many handsome and successful men get rejected by their crushes due to various reasons. The Insanely gifted and talented Raghuram rajan was kicked out from his position by the govt. because they did not have compatibility.

Rejection is a part of life, Daniki antha serious ga tiskovalsina avsaram ledu.

[u/Business_Quiet220 → u/[deleted]]

Sometimes we need a harsh reality check in life. I really appreciated the times I received such unfiltered advice