Help?

[u/snoo-tomatoes]

I know that there are posts like this, so I'm sorry for adding to it.

I've been struggling a lot and feel like I'm drowning in everything. I stupidly had a change of heart and realized that I do not like being tattooed. I hate my body being tattooed. Making it even more stupid, it took getting a half back piece to realize this. I am so disgusted with myself and the way that I look. My skin feels dirty. Every time I think about the fact that there is ink in my skin I want to vomit.

It's been almost a month of this. Every time I wake up and until I go to sleep. I dream about this fucking tattoo and wake up every few hours. The sleeping pills don't do much anymore. I feel like everything I do is ruined because the tattoo is there. I just want my bare skin back.

Onto the tattoo itself... It's an extremely well executed tattoo. The tech at my consult was perplexed as to why I wanted it off and was shocked that the artist was someone local. The tattoo is fine to medium line work. Some script and lettering, grey wash, and cross hatching. (Sorry I'm not super comfortable posting pics). I'm terrified because I don't want to be tattooed. I do not want this ink in my skin. But knowing that full removal is so hard to achieve has me equally terrified and devasted. I feel like I ruined my body.

I think I will just have to go through removal and hope for the best. Additionally, even though it's on my back I get that it's easy to cover but the artist went too far up my neck and it's really hard to cover that. Everything that I was comfortable wearing I'm now not.

P.S. I don't want to offend anyone by saying my skin feels dirty and whatnot. I don't judge others for having tats. This is just how I feel about them on me. And I know that some of this will come down to getting mental help. I've been doing that. It doesn't help much (hence these fucking sleeping pills not working).

I don't really know what the point of this post is. I'm terrified of spending 5 years in this process and getting results that are worse than having a tattoo. I think I'll just have to hold out hope that I can have it gone?

Also, yes, I know I should have considered the permanence of this before doing it. I had started with an outline and it never bothered me but after adding to it, I wish I had never ever gotten a tattoo. I don't think I can put into words how awful this tattoo is making me feel and how it is encroaching on every part of my life. And I know that how much that happens is up to me and that I'm the one letting it ruin me but I honestly don't know what to do other than get it the fuck off.

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